DF, well done with the "I" statements! I learned that in a series of conflict resolution workshops I have done. Very, very useful. Keep it up - whenever you feel a need to say something tat could be confrontational, express it in "I" terms and not "you" terms and you have a better chance of getting what you want. And your aim should never be to hurt, but to get a positive outcome. I mention that, because people often use "you" statements because they lose track of their goal and instead focus on hurting the other person.
Never lose sight of your goal.
I think I already mentioned that podcast of the radio interview with Tony Attwood - I was horrified to learn, as I listened to tat, just how many psychologists and psychiatrists around the world still subscribe to the "cold mother" theory of cause of autism and Asperger's. He explained that it still is considered a valid theory (only by some) purely because it is easy; it is also a money spinner, since it automatically guides not just the child but the parent, into psychotherapy. "Rent a friend", he called it. You sit there in the shrink's office and talk about yourself in detail, and the therapy never really ends, because your child never stops being autistic. For the doctor it is easy money. To consider they may be WRONG, means not only having to lose an easy cushy job but also to face the fact that for the last how many years, you have done untold damage to a series of patients, not to mention those who never came back after the first suggestion of "cold mother".
So whichever faceless bureaucrat is directing Ms Ally's programs, sounds like they have not kept up with their reading and are just playing by the numbers, pulling out "cold mother" as a necessary staging post. A lot of mothers would at this stage spit the dummy and walk away, confirming the belief that they don't really care. And those that grit their teeth and stick it out become the ongoing problem, until they can be referred to a shrink for therapy (and then become "not my problem" to the service).
So a lot of people trying this page would at some stage walk away. But for those who can stay the course, at the end of it you have a chance of some individualised (because they CAN, when so few people are left!) "non-traditional" support. Because by then, they know a lot about you, including that you will take a lot of crud on your own shoulders in your determination to get help for your child. And THAt earns respect, however grudging.
I still don't seer Ms Ally as the problem. I think she is the front person for someone else who has a problem and is lazy. Ms Ally is the means to eventually get past that hurdle and hopefully get some genuine help.
This sounds a lot like the crud we had to deal with when difficult child 3 was 3 years old, and I had CPS called on us because difficult child 3 was claimed to be "emotionally neglected and not given the necessary stimulation". Yep. Cold mother. In Australia, the land that has Tony Attwood in it!
Idiots...
Marg
