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General Parenting
Turns Out that difficult child's Biggest Problem is Me
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<blockquote data-quote="DaisyFace" data-source="post: 437121" data-attributes="member: 6546"><p>Close - he is a "easy child" (yes, even with his ADHD) purely by accident. We "lucked out". And when we discovered how easy-going and cooperative DS was - THEN we showered him with priviledges and attention and completely emotionally neglected our daughter. difficult child's issues are completely the fault of my parenting and "easy child" DS is just dumb luck.</p><p></p><p>Confuzzled--</p><p></p><p>Am I really your hero? I am sooo flattered! Thank you!</p><p></p><p>And by the way - husband wants me to throw Ms A out the door, too.</p><p></p><p>Tempting...</p><p></p><p>Susie--</p><p></p><p>Interestingly, Ms A turned to "blame, blame, blame" only after she saw first hand some of the issues.</p><p></p><p>We had been criticized for not using a rewards/consequences program. So - I created a simple one. I tied difficult child wearing makeup to properly completing hygience tasks. IOW - brush your teeth, wash your face, put on clean underpants - you may wear makeup for the day.</p><p></p><p>Day One - difficult child complied, earned her makeup.</p><p></p><p>Day Two - For the first time in years, difficult child decided she was not in the mood to wear makeup...therefore, there was no need to comply with the hygiene requirement.</p><p></p><p>And it was all documented in black and white on my little chart.</p><p></p><p>OK - tell me again how rewards motivate a difficult child?</p><p></p><p>That's when it became about me not knowing how to love.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DaisyFace, post: 437121, member: 6546"] Close - he is a "easy child" (yes, even with his ADHD) purely by accident. We "lucked out". And when we discovered how easy-going and cooperative DS was - THEN we showered him with priviledges and attention and completely emotionally neglected our daughter. difficult child's issues are completely the fault of my parenting and "easy child" DS is just dumb luck. Confuzzled-- Am I really your hero? I am sooo flattered! Thank you! And by the way - husband wants me to throw Ms A out the door, too. Tempting... Susie-- Interestingly, Ms A turned to "blame, blame, blame" only after she saw first hand some of the issues. We had been criticized for not using a rewards/consequences program. So - I created a simple one. I tied difficult child wearing makeup to properly completing hygience tasks. IOW - brush your teeth, wash your face, put on clean underpants - you may wear makeup for the day. Day One - difficult child complied, earned her makeup. Day Two - For the first time in years, difficult child decided she was not in the mood to wear makeup...therefore, there was no need to comply with the hygiene requirement. And it was all documented in black and white on my little chart. OK - tell me again how rewards motivate a difficult child? That's when it became about me not knowing how to love. [/QUOTE]
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