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General Parenting
Turns Out that difficult child's Biggest Problem is Me
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<blockquote data-quote="exhausted" data-source="post: 437170" data-attributes="member: 11001"><p>DF,</p><p>I am deeply sorry. Nothing could hurt more than to be told the <strong>tripe</strong> this therapist has tried to sell you. Looking at your difficult children present and past diagnosis, we can't even blame it on bad genes-with the exception of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, no mental illness is beyond about 20% likelihood that it is inherited(not sure about Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)). I would make it clear that you do love this child and hand her lists of things you have done over the years. Also make it clear the conflicted advice you've been given over time. And then make it clear that your relationship will heal as <strong>your daughter begins to heal and take ownership of her own well being.</strong> When our kids are untrustworthy, be have all kinds of reactions. Relationships without trust and where you have been physically and mentally abused, are not going to be packed with lovey dovey moments! Your difficult child will need to want your trust and earn it so you can begin to feel safe-handing her your heart now will result in her ripping it out.</p><p>It sounds like this therapist is still back in the old stuff that said Borderline (BPD) people are raised by detached and cold mothers. The research shows different causes and environments now. Give her a new book! And tell her you expect her to update her knowledge. Ask her to employ DBT therapy (the best and only long term effective therapy). If she doesn't know how-request someone who does. Don't waste anymore time-you dont have much left with your girl. Again I'm sorry and I send you hugs, real hugs from one mother who truelly understands another. You have our support!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="exhausted, post: 437170, member: 11001"] DF, I am deeply sorry. Nothing could hurt more than to be told the [B]tripe[/B] this therapist has tried to sell you. Looking at your difficult children present and past diagnosis, we can't even blame it on bad genes-with the exception of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, no mental illness is beyond about 20% likelihood that it is inherited(not sure about Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)). I would make it clear that you do love this child and hand her lists of things you have done over the years. Also make it clear the conflicted advice you've been given over time. And then make it clear that your relationship will heal as [B]your daughter begins to heal and take ownership of her own well being.[/B] When our kids are untrustworthy, be have all kinds of reactions. Relationships without trust and where you have been physically and mentally abused, are not going to be packed with lovey dovey moments! Your difficult child will need to want your trust and earn it so you can begin to feel safe-handing her your heart now will result in her ripping it out. It sounds like this therapist is still back in the old stuff that said Borderline (BPD) people are raised by detached and cold mothers. The research shows different causes and environments now. Give her a new book! And tell her you expect her to update her knowledge. Ask her to employ DBT therapy (the best and only long term effective therapy). If she doesn't know how-request someone who does. Don't waste anymore time-you dont have much left with your girl. Again I'm sorry and I send you hugs, real hugs from one mother who truelly understands another. You have our support! [/QUOTE]
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