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General Parenting
Turns Out that difficult child's Biggest Problem is Me
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<blockquote data-quote="InsaneCdn" data-source="post: 437247" data-attributes="member: 11791"><p>OK, so this is two comments in one...</p><p></p><p></p><p>For the record... Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), ADHD, executive function issues, etc. are <strong><u>not mental illnesses</u></strong>. They are developmental disorders, and yes, it appears that there is a genetic component to these. </p><p></p><p>Food for thought: The standard rule for diseases and disorders is that they affect less than 2.5% of the population... one well-documented exception being ADHD (at >5%) - in which case, is it really a disorder or just an extreme of normal??</p><p></p><p>But that's an aside.</p><p></p><p>DaisyFace - </p><p>This is a chicken-and-egg problem, to some extent - complicated of course by not-yet-received and/or not properly supported (medical community - not you) diagnoses. SOME of the time, these theories are right... because sometimes the chicken comes first, and sometimes the egg comes first. Your daughter is NOT this way because of how you treat her... you are responding this way because YOU have been abused by the system (inadvertently, but still real) due to not receiving the support necessary... SO - is the system going to give YOU the support you need, by giving daughter the support SHE needs, so that you can THEN work on the relationship???</p><p></p><p>Having said that... we found, at our lowest point, that WE had to change our response before the KID could change their response... we were not the cause, but the dysfunctionality of the situation was affecting us all, and we had to break the cycle. IN YOUR CASE, it will absolutely not be enough, and may not even make a dent. Just something to think about...</p><p></p><p>{{hugs}}</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="InsaneCdn, post: 437247, member: 11791"] OK, so this is two comments in one... For the record... Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), ADHD, executive function issues, etc. are [B][U]not mental illnesses[/U][/B]. They are developmental disorders, and yes, it appears that there is a genetic component to these. Food for thought: The standard rule for diseases and disorders is that they affect less than 2.5% of the population... one well-documented exception being ADHD (at >5%) - in which case, is it really a disorder or just an extreme of normal?? But that's an aside. DaisyFace - This is a chicken-and-egg problem, to some extent - complicated of course by not-yet-received and/or not properly supported (medical community - not you) diagnoses. SOME of the time, these theories are right... because sometimes the chicken comes first, and sometimes the egg comes first. Your daughter is NOT this way because of how you treat her... you are responding this way because YOU have been abused by the system (inadvertently, but still real) due to not receiving the support necessary... SO - is the system going to give YOU the support you need, by giving daughter the support SHE needs, so that you can THEN work on the relationship??? Having said that... we found, at our lowest point, that WE had to change our response before the KID could change their response... we were not the cause, but the dysfunctionality of the situation was affecting us all, and we had to break the cycle. IN YOUR CASE, it will absolutely not be enough, and may not even make a dent. Just something to think about... {{hugs}} [/QUOTE]
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