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General Parenting
Turns Out that difficult child's Biggest Problem is Me
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<blockquote data-quote="DaisyFace" data-source="post: 439538" data-attributes="member: 6546"><p>Just an update - </p><p></p><p>I think I am beginning to see what is happening here.</p><p></p><p>Ms Ally IS smart and DOES have a clue. However, she is not the person designing the MST program for my child. Everything Ms Ally is supposed to accomplish is being assigned to Ms Ally by a supervisor and an "expert" who have never met difficult child or my family. Remember the Parenting 101 lessons? That was Ms Ally's first task. When I produced the certicificates from the parenting class that husband and I already took - Ms Ally was able to go back to the supervisor and say "Check. What's next?"</p><p></p><p>So - the "Mom does not know how to love"....I think that was coming off some other script. Clearly, the rewards/consequences task was not working. Ms Ally was getting frustrated that the child was not responding in the way she expected. Mom was not jumping in with some lovey-dovey response when the child started to cry... Ms Ally grasped at the next straw.</p><p></p><p>There was a brief meeting or two since that session....and Ms Ally took a LOT of notes about the events that led up to difficult child's latest meltdown.</p><p></p><p>Today - Ms Ally came in and seemed to have a new direction...and guess what?</p><p></p><p>We talked a lot about AUTISM and AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDERS and NON-VERBAL LEARNING DISABILITY!!!!! And we talked about the need to find non-traditional solutions for this child!</p><p></p><p>WHOOO-HOOOO!!!! <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/choir.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":choir:" title="choir :choir:" data-shortname=":choir:" /></p><p></p><p>After that, Ms Ally did make a few comments about being a "more loving family" and things along those lines - and BOY did I ever channel the spirit of the CD Board and address that!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>specifically...this advice from Marg to use the "I" and not "you" statements...</p><p></p><p>So I gritted my teeth and said:</p><p></p><p>"When I hear statements implying that I am not loving toward my daughter, it really hurts my feelings."</p><p></p><p>And Ms Ally apologized! She agreed that not everyone shares the same kissy-huggy demonstrative style of affection that she uses in her household.</p><p></p><p><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>So a very good session today....</p><p></p><p>Thank you all for such great advice!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DaisyFace, post: 439538, member: 6546"] Just an update - I think I am beginning to see what is happening here. Ms Ally IS smart and DOES have a clue. However, she is not the person designing the MST program for my child. Everything Ms Ally is supposed to accomplish is being assigned to Ms Ally by a supervisor and an "expert" who have never met difficult child or my family. Remember the Parenting 101 lessons? That was Ms Ally's first task. When I produced the certicificates from the parenting class that husband and I already took - Ms Ally was able to go back to the supervisor and say "Check. What's next?" So - the "Mom does not know how to love"....I think that was coming off some other script. Clearly, the rewards/consequences task was not working. Ms Ally was getting frustrated that the child was not responding in the way she expected. Mom was not jumping in with some lovey-dovey response when the child started to cry... Ms Ally grasped at the next straw. There was a brief meeting or two since that session....and Ms Ally took a LOT of notes about the events that led up to difficult child's latest meltdown. Today - Ms Ally came in and seemed to have a new direction...and guess what? We talked a lot about AUTISM and AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDERS and NON-VERBAL LEARNING DISABILITY!!!!! And we talked about the need to find non-traditional solutions for this child! WHOOO-HOOOO!!!! :choir: After that, Ms Ally did make a few comments about being a "more loving family" and things along those lines - and BOY did I ever channel the spirit of the CD Board and address that! specifically...this advice from Marg to use the "I" and not "you" statements... So I gritted my teeth and said: "When I hear statements implying that I am not loving toward my daughter, it really hurts my feelings." And Ms Ally apologized! She agreed that not everyone shares the same kissy-huggy demonstrative style of affection that she uses in her household. :-) So a very good session today.... Thank you all for such great advice! [/QUOTE]
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