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Tween defiant & refusing to go to school
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<blockquote data-quote="lovemykid" data-source="post: 398948"><p>Yes... I do agree.</p><p></p><p>The first sign was the defiance...I believe it related to the increasing pressure of school work. He started lying to me about getting his homework done. When I asked to see it, he flat-out refused. His dad's response to the building defiance was more agression...which built things up even more. At one point my son, lay sobbing in bed after the "bad" interaction with his dad "I have no where to go", I asked him what he meant. He said " I have no where "mentally" to go"...it killed me, he is struggling...we have totally backed off and are trying to repair the holes in his safety net.</p><p></p><p>When I refer to his "defiance" I am talking about his answering "no" to most all reasonable requests....he appears to be on strike to anything I ask of him. Does he feel powerless? Even though, we have our battles...we are able to have some real heart-to-heart conversations...I think he is so confused, he doesn't know what to think...but, is still adamant in not accepting help....I think he sees this as weakness and embarassing to need help.</p><p></p><p>This morning I had an ISIPT (Instructional Support Intervention Process Team) meeting with his teachers and school psychologist. Because of his truancy, they are recommending a pre-CHINS meeting (pre-Child in Need of Support). This will involve all of his teachers, a representative from the state (truancy officer), me & him. The school pyschologist was going to speak with him this morning and explain some of this, along with a plan to make up some of the work he has missed (i.e. after/before school work with his teachers)....really not sure how this is going to land on him....could totally overwhelm him or could give him the push to start a new slate...everyone is holding out there hands, he just needs to grab hold.</p><p></p><p>I do understand his NEED for computer-time, but it is my only bargaining chip. The rule is no computer during the school week, he's good with that. The weekends is when it gets tricky...if his behavior is disrespectful, defiant, etc...he loses some of those computer priveleges....but he can be sooooooo stubborn that he is willing to lose that time to get his way...it's very tricky.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I don't understand some of the acronyms used in the posts...is there a reference somewhere on this site? difficult child? FBA? BIP?</p><p></p><p></p><p>Thanks again!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="lovemykid, post: 398948"] Yes... I do agree. The first sign was the defiance...I believe it related to the increasing pressure of school work. He started lying to me about getting his homework done. When I asked to see it, he flat-out refused. His dad's response to the building defiance was more agression...which built things up even more. At one point my son, lay sobbing in bed after the "bad" interaction with his dad "I have no where to go", I asked him what he meant. He said " I have no where "mentally" to go"...it killed me, he is struggling...we have totally backed off and are trying to repair the holes in his safety net. When I refer to his "defiance" I am talking about his answering "no" to most all reasonable requests....he appears to be on strike to anything I ask of him. Does he feel powerless? Even though, we have our battles...we are able to have some real heart-to-heart conversations...I think he is so confused, he doesn't know what to think...but, is still adamant in not accepting help....I think he sees this as weakness and embarassing to need help. This morning I had an ISIPT (Instructional Support Intervention Process Team) meeting with his teachers and school psychologist. Because of his truancy, they are recommending a pre-CHINS meeting (pre-Child in Need of Support). This will involve all of his teachers, a representative from the state (truancy officer), me & him. The school pyschologist was going to speak with him this morning and explain some of this, along with a plan to make up some of the work he has missed (i.e. after/before school work with his teachers)....really not sure how this is going to land on him....could totally overwhelm him or could give him the push to start a new slate...everyone is holding out there hands, he just needs to grab hold. I do understand his NEED for computer-time, but it is my only bargaining chip. The rule is no computer during the school week, he's good with that. The weekends is when it gets tricky...if his behavior is disrespectful, defiant, etc...he loses some of those computer priveleges....but he can be sooooooo stubborn that he is willing to lose that time to get his way...it's very tricky. I don't understand some of the acronyms used in the posts...is there a reference somewhere on this site? difficult child? FBA? BIP? Thanks again! [/QUOTE]
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