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Twin sons flip flop - from easy child to difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 514247" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>It really does sound like his suicide talk is manipulative, especially since he only says it to you, but of course it's still disturbing, and there's always the possibility he's serious. Has he ever actually attempted suicide as far as you know? There are so many factors to consider here. </p><p></p><p>I've dealt with threats from both of my children. My Oldest used to do this quite often after she moved out, usually when she wanted something I wasn't giving her. It sounds very harsh to say, but I eventually became pretty hardened to it. My canned response ended up being, "well you know what you need to do if you truly feel that way.. please call 911 and get help for yourself. I love you and don't want anything to happen to you." That response was after going through this for some time, however, and being fairly convinced that she wouldn't actually follow through, it was absolutely pure manipulation. She never made any actual attempts as far as I know. It's not a response for every situation, though, that's for sure.</p><p></p><p>I think another appropriate response, if he makes overt threats to you and you know where he is, would be to call 911 yourself and tell them that he is calling you threatening suicide, and ask them to respond with a crisis unit. When Youngest lived with me, and made threats like this, a therapist told me to call 911 every single time... to drive the point home that I would not be manipulated by her. Three times, she did purposely overdose.. and while those were also manipulative attempts, they weren't any less dangerous than a serious attempt. I used to worry that she'd "accidentally" succeed at some point. But the bottom line was, she knew she couldn't make those threats lightly, I'd take them seriously. Completely different approach from dealing with her sister.. but they were (and are) completely different kids. </p><p></p><p>So, there is no one approach to this for everyone. You have to decide what this actually means, in light of all the facts, and how serious to take it. If he's been texting you those things all day, I think I would call 911 to either get him help immediately, or call his "bluff." I wouldn't chance it. Let the experts decide if he's serious enough to commit him involuntarily. </p><p></p><p>I also think DDD's response is a great one. It makes it clear that care about him, but you won't be manipulated.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 514247, member: 1157"] It really does sound like his suicide talk is manipulative, especially since he only says it to you, but of course it's still disturbing, and there's always the possibility he's serious. Has he ever actually attempted suicide as far as you know? There are so many factors to consider here. I've dealt with threats from both of my children. My Oldest used to do this quite often after she moved out, usually when she wanted something I wasn't giving her. It sounds very harsh to say, but I eventually became pretty hardened to it. My canned response ended up being, "well you know what you need to do if you truly feel that way.. please call 911 and get help for yourself. I love you and don't want anything to happen to you." That response was after going through this for some time, however, and being fairly convinced that she wouldn't actually follow through, it was absolutely pure manipulation. She never made any actual attempts as far as I know. It's not a response for every situation, though, that's for sure. I think another appropriate response, if he makes overt threats to you and you know where he is, would be to call 911 yourself and tell them that he is calling you threatening suicide, and ask them to respond with a crisis unit. When Youngest lived with me, and made threats like this, a therapist told me to call 911 every single time... to drive the point home that I would not be manipulated by her. Three times, she did purposely overdose.. and while those were also manipulative attempts, they weren't any less dangerous than a serious attempt. I used to worry that she'd "accidentally" succeed at some point. But the bottom line was, she knew she couldn't make those threats lightly, I'd take them seriously. Completely different approach from dealing with her sister.. but they were (and are) completely different kids. So, there is no one approach to this for everyone. You have to decide what this actually means, in light of all the facts, and how serious to take it. If he's been texting you those things all day, I think I would call 911 to either get him help immediately, or call his "bluff." I wouldn't chance it. Let the experts decide if he's serious enough to commit him involuntarily. I also think DDD's response is a great one. It makes it clear that care about him, but you won't be manipulated. [/QUOTE]
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Twin sons flip flop - from easy child to difficult child
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