I cant thank you enough for answering my post! Now I do have to put a disclaimer on this post!! This story I know sounds like it came right out of a transcript of Jerry Springer. I met my husband and he is a super great guy but wow.. there was a whole storage center of baggage. Here is the info I have gathered over the years. As far as being neglected, yes she has been. She has lived with biomom (first year of life to 2 years old, then went back to live with her 4-6), grandparents (2-4) my husband received custody at age 6. There was an abusive stepfather with biomom (whom we later found out through therapy he used duct tape on her mouth for punishment) with domestic violence involved in home. Mother smoked during pregnancy as far as drugs/drinking (not to my husbands knowledge).
It is very dysfunctional, and enmeshed. Ill start with my husband, he has very toxic parents, he had a substance abuse (alcohol) for about 3 years (after grandparents [husbands mom, dad and stepmom] and biomom received custody). If I were to describe my husband it would be very sensitive, every even with emotions, but frustrated with the same problems reoccurring. Parented out of guilt for a very long time, and often babied too much. He is open to therapy and attends weekly visits with his daughter. He has started to gain the confidence as a dad to create stability between households.
His parents.. mom (divorced dad when he was 2, they had a daughter previously whom died at birth also named Jaime) =borderline personality, obsessed with plastic surgery and hasnt been in the picture for 2 years, his dad and stepmom are currently having 1 day a month visitation and there is no diagnosis there because they are not open to therapy and very permissive (no rules, no responsibilities. Coddle to the point of not allowing her to open her own soda, take her own bath, sleeping in her own bed) with grandchild (child) and very cold and condemning towards son (my husband). Custody went something like this, His mom talked him (my husband) into signing custody to her (child age 2)and refused to let him visits and then badgered him over not being there for his child full time. After about a year she sent the child to stay with my husbands dad and stepmom (husband moved in with them to be with daughter). Describing father-in-law fairly nice but easily influenced by step-mother-inlaw whom is very manipulative and sneaky. It seems to be the Grandparents tried to X out Dad (my husband) and then Biomom did just enough to get custody back. When she received custody she moved 3-4 a year and had a very chaotic lifestyle. I am not sure about disorders for her but if I were describe her it would be uneducated (not sure if LDs or just no desire to learn but surprisingly low written communication skills), manipulative, aggressive when things didnt go her way, always seeking male attention and promiscuous, craved attention. She seems very emotional unavailable to her children and very attentive to her boyfriends.
As far as I know milestones were fairly normal. Nothing out of the way except for alphabet and reading. Retained in Kindergarten and tested in 1st grade with school system, secondary psychological testing in 2nd grade by outside source which stated Axis 1: ADHD predominantly Inattentive, Anxiety Disorder (not otherwise specified with emphasis on somatic-physical symptoms and harm avoidance), Reading Disorder, Disorder of Written Expression, and Axis 4: Academic and behavioral concerns . Therapist wants to look into bipolar onset and depression, Psychiatrist thinks ODD and Anxiety (which we only see for total of 15-20mins once a month). Medications: Vyvanse 40m and is suggesting an Anti-Anxiety Medication(we go in a couple weeks). She has physical symptoms of headaches (been to a child neurologist for migraines), stomachaches, often with I feel Im going to throw-up. She recently said she was at school and started having those symptoms with dizziness and got hot and sweaty. It is so hard to know what is real and not because at first I would take her to the doctor when she had these symptoms. Often with nothing done and nothing explained.
Her siblings: Biomother has 3 other children by 2 other men. All have conduct problems (far worse than Jaime). 2 other girls and 1 boy (youngest). All step stone ages. Two youngest have enuresis and (abusive stepfathers children), the boy is having very hard time in school. The mother shows favoritism to the oldest and the youngest. My husband and I have a 2 year old son and he worships her. She is at times very short fused with him and very agitated with him (no sure how much it is the age difference or something else).
Socially, she is very reserved. Does not do well in social settings, will wait for someone to come to her and still finds it very hard to make conversation or want to go play. When she was about 6 I noticed a red flag that when I asked her what park she wanted to go to (I was willing to go wherever she wanted to go) she would pick the rundown old park with no one there rather than the new cool park with lots of new equipment with people there. She has done better with not needing someone to walk her everywhere (she use to need me or her dad to walk her to the restroom, classroom, ect) also loud noises where a huge deal but that has gotten better. (ie. Hairdryers, public toilets) Conversation wise she is ok if it is something she wants to talk about but anything else she loses interests very quickly and does not maintain eye contact well at all.
Odd things I have noticed, that concern me are the fact that she washes her barbies in the bath and wrap them in washcloths A LOT! Has done this for a long time and Im not sure what that means or if it means anything but I talked to my husband about concerns of sexual abuse (we have openly asked, the therapist has asked and it has always been a solid no). The throat noise, does that kind of sound like a nasal clearing sound?
Now she is very easy to get angry and take things very personal. The slightest thing is an attact on her. She does show signs of perfectionism and when she is corrected at all she just lets it all go. Doesnt care anymore. Had a big problem with helplessness. She would ask or expect help for things she obviously could do herself.
As far as the rules, we are not etiquette police, we are pretty laid back but lying has been a HUGE deal lately. (Hiding her vyvanse in her pocket because her mom told her they give you that medicine because they think you are stupid), even gummy vitamins.
neuropsychologist? She had Psychological testing that took 3 separate appointments to conclude.
I am going to look into Asperger's Syndrome
She has been in therapy as we all have (her dad and I) for 2 years, her mom came to one adult session and just acted a fool, accusing the thearapist of not liking her and wanted another opinion on the ADHD saying she didnt want her child poppin pills it was tragic. However my husband is trying to get another adult session together to give another opportunity for her and the grandparents to come together to be on the same page.. I am a bit skeptical but I do think it is worth a shot!
Thank you!!
