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Typical outburst
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 482506" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>I'm not TRYING to teach spontaneous tolerance <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> It's just... life is life, the unexpected happens, and it's much better (in my view) if we can go with the flow rather than having a meltdown because it's not the usual thing... Since we live between cultures and routines (wildly different) in any case, I'm trying to avoid overly rigid routines that will just cause problems when they are broken during the holidays. But you're all quite right - he definitely does better on routine and predictability. </p><p>Terry, the word no is like setting a light to a dynamite fuse for J (and all those like him)... But it's not just the word no - it's the concept no, the not getting what he wants at any time. This will always lead to a "fuss", to protest, and sometimes to a meltdown. Ha, ha... am intrigued by the "no" experiment. I could try it on a Monday and rechristen it Meltdown Monday... </p><p>I'm finding it hard not to react to J's defiance at the moment, particularly around food. Tonight is typical: I asked him what he wanted for supper, giving him three choices. He chose cheese pizza. When it was ready, he refused to touch it, claiming he was going to be sick, etc, etc. Does he do it to be deliberately provocative?? Anyway, it kind of drives me crazy, even though I wish it didn't. And things escalate... I think J would be more helped by my being calm and consistent more than anything else but... I feel so very human and flawed at times <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 482506, member: 11227"] I'm not TRYING to teach spontaneous tolerance :) It's just... life is life, the unexpected happens, and it's much better (in my view) if we can go with the flow rather than having a meltdown because it's not the usual thing... Since we live between cultures and routines (wildly different) in any case, I'm trying to avoid overly rigid routines that will just cause problems when they are broken during the holidays. But you're all quite right - he definitely does better on routine and predictability. Terry, the word no is like setting a light to a dynamite fuse for J (and all those like him)... But it's not just the word no - it's the concept no, the not getting what he wants at any time. This will always lead to a "fuss", to protest, and sometimes to a meltdown. Ha, ha... am intrigued by the "no" experiment. I could try it on a Monday and rechristen it Meltdown Monday... I'm finding it hard not to react to J's defiance at the moment, particularly around food. Tonight is typical: I asked him what he wanted for supper, giving him three choices. He chose cheese pizza. When it was ready, he refused to touch it, claiming he was going to be sick, etc, etc. Does he do it to be deliberately provocative?? Anyway, it kind of drives me crazy, even though I wish it didn't. And things escalate... I think J would be more helped by my being calm and consistent more than anything else but... I feel so very human and flawed at times :) [/QUOTE]
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