typical teen, I assume, for difficult child's girlfriend--dying her hair black

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Mar 4, 2013.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    ... four days before her very first formal dance.
    She is very, very fair. So pale she could be a Disney cartoon. Soft, curly long hair, sandy brown with-red highlights, all natural. Her prom dress is blue.
    difficult child called about an hr ago and asked if I would help D dye her hair black.
    "No. Not before the dance. I'll do it afterward, next week. It will look horrible."
    "It's none of your business."
    "Yes it is. You just asked me for help."
    "Obviously not. GoodBYE."

    I immediately texted her mom and told her what had transpired. I really wanted to text, "Take away the box of hair color!" but she'll just give a weak, "No," and not follow through. Her mom is dying, happens to be mentally ill and mean as a wild dog (I've met her. She'll rant and rave until you come into the bedroom, then drop a spoon on the floor and demand, "Pick it up," and only sleeps in 2-hr increments, and that's just beginning), and Adult Protective Services came out the other day and told her they'd rec'd a call from the dr and they had to check on her mom. T, D's mom, was in tears.
    Her house is, admittedly, a mess, she's divorced, and she is not working. She suffers from depression, no longer drinks, and is dependent upon child support from her ex. Having her mom live with-them is a huge mistake, but she promised her dad on his deathbed that she would do it.

    The mom constantly has diarrhea to the point where she bleeds, has a huge bed sore that occurred while she was in assisted living (the same place I had P 3 yr's ago, and they do the bare minimum, so no surprise there), and while in the facility, she got down to 78 lbs.
    She flat out refused to eat for the staff. Once T got her home, she ate and ate. She gained weight.

    She's been in and out of the hospital for UTIs and diarrhea 3 X (incl Cdiff), and only this last visit caused a problem with-the dr. He noted how skinny she was and T argued back that she has actually gained wt at home with-her.
    Two days after that, T went to the hospital to find that another dr has been assigned to her mom and that the first dr was going to seek custody. Or at least, state custody.
    The new dr and case mgr told T not to worry.
    Yeah, like that will happen.
    And the worst happened--Adult Prot Svcs came by.

    So T has difficult child and his girlfriend cleaning the house today to prepare for the next visit.

    And I'm sure that black hair dye is the least of T's worries. But she does not need her daughter looking like that, or even wasting $8 on something useless. Sigh.
    difficult child will back up his girlfriend no matter what she wants to do. That's love, right?

    Thanks for letting me vent. :runcirclsmiley2:
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, it's not a school prom. It's ROTC. The dance will be held on the local Air Force base.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    :sigh:Ugh. girlfriend's mom texted me. difficult child and girlfriend are dyeing her hair black.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ack. Just realized that the subject heading says "dying" and it should have been "dyeing." Well, she'll die when she sees the results, lol!
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Terry, it could be worse.
    This isn't PROM.
    Maybe she'll learn something.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    One can only hope.
    And difficult child will learn something, too.
    I'm interested in knowing the comments at school tomorrow.
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Worry when they shave the bottom half off
  8. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    Ok, I'm in no way close to dealing with teenagers but I do have a take on this, just by looking at my own teen years.
    What color did I have... hum? let's see: started with black which was no good since my hair is quite dark already. So, my next move was purple! LOL So I walked around with purple hair for a while... I was living in Germany back then and kids are very free to experiment any way they wish.
    Voice your opinion if you wish, but don't worry about it too much. Hair grows back or can be dyed again if she changes her mind. Hopefully, she will one day look back and smile the same way I do. ;)
  9. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Terry, this is a typical teen thing. I hate to say it, but on the range of things, not that big of a deal. I know the pictures won't be that pretty, and everything, but it will be a lesson learned. And, it is just hair. If that is the worst that she is doing to express herself, feel grateful.
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Hang in there. These are the worst years. Usually it passes fairly soon. Hugs. DDD
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    When my daughter was in Cosmetology school the girls all colored their hair all the time. My daughter told me she thought I'd look good with lavender in my hair and could she dye it and I told her, um, no, thanks...lol. I can think of worse things than kids dying their hair funky colors :)
  12. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    The good news is hair grows, color fades.

    In the past year, Diva has been pitch black, auburn (hair had to be stripped to get this color - what an ordeal), orange red (which I had to draw the line at - she looked like Bozo the clown, literally), a very pretty auburn with- blond streaks, to her last shade of deep dark red. Her natural shade is a brownish blond that bleaches itself out in the summertime to a highlighted blond that we'd all pay big bucks to get (and which she totally does not appreciate, LOL). All have been done professionally in the hopes of avoiding fried hair (even the Bozo do - though we're obviously not having that stylist color her hair again).

    typical teen mixed with the total myopia that seems to be par for the course with- teen girls, combined with their sure knowledge that the grown women in their lives are just too dumb to function and *obviously* have no clue what we're talking about (sorry - it's been a typical teen kind of week or 2 with old Diva, LOL). Just bite your tongue, breathe deeply, and it will (hopefully) pass, or at least fade.:angrygirl:
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yes, it will fade ... I hope.
    On the bright side, she and difficult child will be supervised and will be going to their first dance together, Fri night. I am the transportation. :)
  14. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I have what I term "Not-Found-In-Nature Red" hair right now.

    Also, ask Stang (or Janet, Nancy, Hound Dog, or several others) what happens when you go to a gathering expecting a blonde and only recognize the redhead because of Onyxx being with her. Who has dark blonde hair... Dyed BLACK.

    My natural color is dark blonde with platinum highlights. I like it, but I like to play.

    Years back, I buzzed the bottom half to 1/4" and dyed that ORANGE. It was cool - and hideable.
  15. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    When Danny was younger, he was doing one of his "I am running away" numbers. Later I found out that the police had driven by him numerous times and could have caught him easily as a run away had they checked their paperwork - especially since his hair was the color of an eggplant and he was the only one for miles round with this color.

    Now that he has gotten his act together, actually has a nice haircut as opposed to that bald white supremist look he seemed to sport forever and after he tried out every haircolor in the rainbow after that, he is always being stopped.

    Its just hair - thankfully it grows back.

  16. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    It will fade and there is color stripper if it needs to come out sooner. My difficult child has done black, stripped it and did a couple different shades of red (which is much, much harder to get out), and she has had blue hair for a year now (where the roots have to be bleached and the entire hair recolored at least once every 4 weeks), and one side is shaved. She also has a tattoo, her tongue pierced, her nose pierced, a sideways piercing across one ear (can't remember what it's called) and is gauging her ears. This doesn't even register on any kind of meter for me. (FTW, my difficult child is very fair, too - porcelain skin.)
  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, my, Flutterby, that's a lot of "stuff"! She is also 3 yrs older than D.
    She looks okay. Not my taste, but not the Goth look I was worried about, either. Her mom took her to a pro, who colored all the parts that D missed. :) And Used some nice conditioner to make it shiny.
  18. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    She was 13/14 when she dyed her hair black and got her nose pierced. She also got 2 piercings in her lip around that time, but they got infected so she took them out.
  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ew. Glad she's better now.

    I'm on my way to pick them up, make sure difficult child has tied his tie straight, and have some gluten free pizza. Lots of picture taking to be had!
  20. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It's VERY normal. I remember my dad telling a friend's dad that almost every teen does this at some point or twelve. It is hair, it will grow back, and it is AMAZING to have a photo put up for when they complain about their kids doing odd things with their hair. I was about eight when my folks told me I could do what I wanted with my hair except dye it or get a super curly hair, mostly because even with-o red hair I would have looked like Annie. Later as a teen if I had wanted to dye it they wouldn't have cared.

    Wiz used to have the girls at the cosmetology program do all sorts of things to his hair. It made me laugh the first time because I used to have to really FIGHT to get him to get his hair cut.