typical teen - or another problem?

[ksm]

Like I have mentioned in another post, this year, difficult child has a BFF and while it was nice during the summer for her to have someone to spend time with, today has me wondering if there are new problems. We have had to turn off the wifi at 10pm and back on at 6am when we get up - as the first couple nights after school started, easy child told us that difficult child's iPod was beeping off and on all night. Iif someone texts her it beeps and she gets up to text back (at 2, 3, 4am) So this morning, I heard her up and around at 5:30am. I ask her what she is doing up and she tells me she went downstairs to get something to eat, but then her stomach started hurting so she didn't eat. Well, I didn't believe that one but didn't say anything. When I got up I checked the last number called on the caller ID and it was her BFF. Turns out difficult child called her at 5:30 as she wanted to be woke up - and then difficult child was planning to walk to her house at 6:15 so she could help her pick out something to wear to school. School starts at 8am... and it is a 20 minute walk. I am out driving easy child to school at 7:30ish, so she doesn't have to walk. I have offered to pick up BFF and take her to school with us.

After a while, difficult child admitted she got up to call BFF and not to eat something. I think the girls were trying to meet up with a boy or two on the way to school, but they didn't. I did some sleuthing and saw them walking alone about 7:10am towards the school.

easy child said her iPod went off several times during the night... so I wonder if she snuck down and turned the internet back on and then was unplugging it at 5:30 before we got up. Not sure why her ipod would beep during the night - except for when she sets the alarm. I am so tired of the sneaky behavior... but you can never get the truth the first time with her. So now, instead of unplugging the modem, we will have to take it and put in our bedroom. We had been thinking of letting her have the guest bedroom downstairs so we could split up easy child and difficult child. difficult child actually asked to go and see the therapist (who she hadn't seen for over a year) just because the stress of being with her sister at home.

Gee... and difficult child thinks we should trust her enough to let her get her learners permit. NOT! On vacation, in the car, she would actually cover herself with a blanket, hook the seatbelt up behind her, then tuck the blanket around her so she wouldn't be belted in and we wouldn't see it. So it was not the usual, "I forgot" it was a deliberate sneaky act not to follow the rules.

I hate this. KSM

 

[TeDo]

The sneakiness can be typical teen and it will only get worse if this BFF is also like that OR is easily talked into it. This might be a silly question but why aren't you just taking the ipod away? That's what I would do. At that age, kids do try to "get one over" on parents. Their egos take a giant leap to where they think they are smarter than the parent(s). Personally, I have a blast catching my difficult child 1 in his sneaks and foiling his plans that he didn't know I even knew about.

 

[BusynMember]

I am actually going to say it is sadly kind of typical teen. We don't restrict my easy child on her phone, but if we did s he would try to find ways to text when she wanted to. Also, my daughter, who has never been in any trouble, often would rather walk to school than get a ride, if she has friends to go with. Do they ever talk to guys? Sure! They're teens. NOTHING strange about that unless they are going to smoke pot or have sex with the boys. You know your daughter best. Sometimes my daughter's friend who lives nearby comes over early to keep her company while she gets ready and she's a good kid too. Once in a while a few boys, who are good friends with easy child also stop by, and they walk together. No biggie. Now...

You have to know your kid. My oldest daughter, when she was a teen, would walk to school at the correct time and meet a bunch of kids who smoked pot with her behind a gas station. Since we only lived a half block from the school, and my daughter was only twelve, it never occurred to me that anything wrong was going on as she walked to school. Or as she walked home. I may add that if I had driven her to school the one block, she still would have found a way to smoke pot because that was the sort of thing she did and she was attracted to "bad" kids. On the texting I can't tell you regarding my ex-difficult child. When she was in high school, almost nobody had a cell phone, but they still managed to get into a ton of trouble. And she didn't sleep either. Once WE fell asleep, she did drugs and sometimes even walked out the door to meet her "friends." I would have preferred her texting from home...lol Again though, cell phones are still pretty new. My daughter is now 28 and there were very few back then for kids.

Back to your difficult child...there is no way to keep her from boys other than to send her to a convent and at her age, many girls become boy crazy. It is also normal for boys and girls to just be good friends too. If you don't like her texting between certain hours, just lock up the ipod between those hours. probem solves. I recommend a fire box with a key that you sleep with.

 

[ksm]

This might be a silly question but why aren't you just taking the ipod away? That's what I would do. .

I guess because I was trying to be "nice" and she says she likes to fall asleep listening to music. KSM

 

[ksm]

You have to know your kid.....and she was attracted to "bad" kids. .....Back to your difficult child...there is no way to keep her from boys other than to send her to a convent and at her age, many girls become boy crazy. It is also normal for boys and girls to just be good friends too. If you don't like her texting between certain hours, just lock up the ipod between those hours. probem solves. I recommend a fire box with a key that you sleep with.

We haven't given the kids cell phones. I know it is in their future - but I want them to be able to pay for it. husband and I only have little prepaid phones that we carry for emergencies. With the iPod, they have a phone app, and as long as they are on wifi - they can use their ipod as a phone. There is wifi at school too.

It is just the lying all the time. BFF seems to be a decent kid... but will be 16 in October and difficult child is 14. BFF was held back a year in kindergarten, and I guess had a late birthday, so it will be like she is too years older than difficult child. I have a hard time trusting difficult child to make good decisions because she has made so many bad ones. She hasn't done "bad things" but probably because we are trying to protect her from herself. I wouldn't mind if they walked to school with age appropriate boys... but not leaving an hour earlier than they need to. But, I'd like her to say that that is the plan... not some big made series of lies.

I know I have to be careful not to see difficult child thru jaded lenses - because for the last 14 years I have had to deal with her biomom who is lying everytime she opens her mouth. And then to have difficult child lie to me just sets me over the top. Then when caught in a lie she has a meltdown. KSM

 

[BusynMember]

Look, you know your child. If you feel she needs to be watched more carefully then DO IT. Use your mom gut. I don't like that two year age gap either.

Can you tell how out of it I am about these new phones and other techie gadgets? I thought an Ipod was a phone...lol.