So husband is doing great. He is mood wise more stable than he has been in months, hernia surgery went well. We see his psychiatrist next week, but he is doing so much better. difficult child is ok, has his moments, but is doing well. I am falling apart, major anxiety issues. When I leave to take difficult child to school or do whatever my heart races, I have a white knuckled grip on the steering wheel and I have to talk myself down in order to get where I am going. I am having a hard time concentrating, can't think, break into tears at the drop of the hat. Poor husband--I keep telling him I am not mad at him, I just can't stop it. I have managed somehow to keep this contained to when I go to bed so I don't scare the kids. I saw my therapist yesterday, she asked me if I need medications. I said I don't know. I think I know now. I think I do. I finally slept last night, took a melatonin and slept 5hrs and then took difficult child to school and came home and took a 2hr nap. I am usually fine or better if I am home, but I have been trying to force myself to go out as I don't want to get agoraphobic. Therapist also mentioned ptsd from all the **** with difficult child and husband and how this may have triggered it. I so can't fall apart. It is so hard to fight this, and I keep feeling incredibly stupid--all is over and getting better and now I fall apart??? Guess I just relaxed enough and then whammo. I reallly don't know why I am posting this, I guess I just need to tell someone and I don't want to let husband know how truly horrible I am doing, he is doing really well but he is still pretty fragile right now. I just feel like I need to be strong for everyone.