uggh...i couldnt hold back my words to their dad...

[Confused]

OK,so lately I have gotten brave and have voiced my opinion/feelings to my ex. That is not a good idea but I just couldnt take it! My kids have the usual fighting and my son the usual attitude but I'm actually venting about their dad today!Throughout the years, i have only met his brother, other family over the phone only when he needed me (he needed a cosighner to get him out of jail ) to call his sister. Well, we gotto talking started exchangings pics and she didnt get him out, he gave me he%% to quit talking to her. So once they called here about4 plus years ago to get ahold of him that was that until now.I recieve a card stating what has she done why I dont talk to them! But first of all, he didnt even tell her or his brother we had a son since then! He is so embarresed of me I guess. Denied our daughter to his other kids mom when she was first born. Anywho, the only reason I believe I got a card from no where is because hima nd his new wife are there with her as I am typing this! Let me remind you he said he couldnt get off work to go to our year long planned trip ,cuz he had to work, then he got off to go there? So I told him Im tired of this, I deserve respect, did they know he canceled plans with his kids to be there, andtold him stop blaming me and tell the truth! I am scared of what he will pull, and know better to confront him or anyone in his family because its non of my businness or theres what goes on! I told him why our kids and me? Why not his boys and his other mother? Why ALWAYS US!?? Im sorry, I just needed to vent! Ok, sorry for the words being wrong, everytime I try to correct them, it makes this paragraph worse.Oh my discussions with him recently all on the computer!

 

[TeDo]

It sounds like you need to cut the ties with Ex. He and his family seem to be very unhealthy and it is not fair to you or the kids. Like some people I know, if their lips are moving, they're lying. Sounds like Ex is one of those. Take care of YOURSELF and the kids.

 

[buddy]

I got a little confused in your post, not YOUR issue, just dont know the whole thing.... I thought from reading it you are trying to get back with him maybe, now I am wondering if you are keeping ties due to the kids? but is he married??? or was married to the other lady? No matter, you dont have to explain at all, just want you to know why my comment may be off...sorry.... so if I do understand right.....

I am with TeDo, cutting ties sounds like it could be in all of your best interests, your kids need you to be emotionally healthy and not be on that roller coaster with him. IF there are circumstances I do not fully know of I understand, it is usually not that simple. Venting is good!

 

[HaoZi]

in my humble opinion, he sounds like a controlling (bleep) and who you talk to is none of his (bleep) business. Denying a kid to a different kid's mom doesn't surprise me. It's not right, but it's common.
I'm with the cut all ties group on this, you don't need this koi, you deserve better and so do your kids. Your life is YOUR life - don't depend on him for anything, don't expect him to follow through on anything. Live your life for you and your kids. When they get older they'll understand, even if they don't now.

 

[Confused]

TeDo,
I would love to cut ties with my ex but he has his rights to the kids, so I can't. Ya, he is one of those people! Thanks!

 

[Confused]

buddy,
Not my issue, well i meant that he always tell me that I am not aloud to tell his family,friends,my family,my friends,our kids and the other mother of his kids where he is at,who he has over,( bad crowd ) where he works,who he see's, if he was drinking, and everything else that has to do with him.He says for me not to answer the door or phone or tell them "I don't know" or he was dead.When he does finally talk to his family,like now, he then tells them it was all my fault and didn't know why I was being such a bit%&. I only find these things out most of the time by researching,"catching him" or whenever he actually has the kids, they sometimes tell me, or his women call. I do see these things being my business because my children have to be around this lifestyle.The last 3 extreme serious relationships (1 living with=drug addict and two violent marriages-he was in jail for both and he never charged them),the drinking and his address, yes I have the right to know for the safety of our kids. Oh NO way was I trying to get back with him! We have been broken up since I was pregnant with my now 5 year old,and will never ever ,ever even do anything with him again! Yes, he's married, that doesn't stop him, one of the many reasons we ended things. The other mother and I took him to court to stop him drinking 12 hours before visitation and during,no women 8pm-8am( married ok but he cheats and in between his marriages the rule applies), and so many other "rules". He gives fake names of men and women who he is around and the list goes on. He is on his 4th marriage now.....I was trying to write clearly yesterday but when I typed here, the words wouldn't correct,I'm sorry! Sadly, I cant cut ties with him because of our kids. He still has legal rights and the courts say just live with it until something bad happens to them! Lovely huh?Thanks!

 

[Confused]

HaoZi,
He is very controlling, always has been with other women and myself,to extreme measures. Some examples for myself was he didn't like some of my male/female friends or exs before and after our kids, so he ruined those friendships. Then he broke my boyfriend and me up because he was African American. Oh, that man was so wonderful, never cheated or would have, full respect to my daughter ( didn't have my son yet, I was stupid and gave the dad another chance after this hoping he changed) Well, also when I was pregnant with our son we were going to tell the other mother,didn't, and she found out because he got his boys with her for the weekend, then ALL OF A SUDEN had to work and dropped them off at my house. I was holding my newborn son of a week or so and the boys ran past me,stopped,came back and their poor little mouths were to the floor! They said ,"You had a baby" I said "Yes, do you know who he's from" They asked me his name, I answered , they said" Daddy has his picture on the refrigerator, when we asked him he said his was the military mans neighbor's new baby"! Can you believe that? I had to tell the kids the truth, they said" we thought he was yours and his". Then the dad told me he just didn't want to deal with it! Depend on him, nope, your right. Like I said how he canceled on them for Christmas. Thanks!

 

[HaoZi]

It hoovers so much when kids are caught in this emotional garbage. I'll drag out the Bulldog Shrine for you.

 

[buddy]

OH man, you do not deserve that at all and of course your kids dont. He sounds scary and awful. I wish you could just disappear from him. Yuck. I know kids need to know their parents, but in this case??? how can that be good? (I know, it is not that simple). I usually dont wish bad things to happen to people, but it could be good for him to have the fear of God put into him for a change.... a terrible illness, an accident, HMMM??? I am sorry for you and your kiddos.

 

[Confused]

HaoZi,
OOOh... I love Bulldogs, actually,I plan on getting an American Bulldog this year!They look a little like Pittbulls which I love but will never own too! heehee!

 

[Confused]

buddy,
I don't like saying its all his fault or he is the worst person ever, there are far worse and I am grateful he is not them. But,I am scared to stand up to him.He finally wrote back again( just now and all he said was" chill,I didn't go out town,dam%. So being scared he will start something, I toned it down and told him im not going to keep repeating myself and have a happy holiday, we will discuss what we need to after January 2! On another note, my son was getting a hairct and it came up about his dads hair, I said"don't you remember his hair" he said" I don't remember" so I showed him a picture of him and he said ( with a starring gaze ) oh". I asked him" don't u remember him, what would u have done if he came up behind you? He said" I don't know" That's sad! Any who, he has a jail history from under 18 years old, after 18 DWI,Domestic Violence a few other arrests. My friends even called the cops on him due to a threatening message.(just a warning from the Police.) Ya, I just wish he would wake up and calm his attitude down. Fear of God, he has none, he has no concern for his personal well being, and if its his time oh well he says. Its like he has no emotions but anger,lust and when he becomes obsessive over a women. My kids have a hard time showing emotion too actually.Hmm here we go again with Hereditary genes! Oh well.

 

[HaoZi]

LOL, not quite what I mean by Bulldog Shrine. That's where I pray for a Mack truck to take care of some of my problems... but I won't complain about a Rio or Peterbilt doing it.

 

[buddy]

confused, my heart really goes out to you. I hear in your posts the back and forth dance of needing to keep the peace for your kids and wanting things to improve overall and to do the right thing by your kids in all ways. You are so young still, I pray you can find a partner you deserve, that will not be intimidated, nor let you be, and that your kids can at some time have a relationship (in a safe way fo course) with their dad. You have so much on your plate and yoru kids are blessed to have you there to navigate all of this. I wish you peace in 2012.

 

[Confused]

HaoZi,
Oh I see...

 

[Confused]

buddy,
Thanks. I am just ready to break down and cry! Is this wrong? Does this mean I am unstable like my sons only psychiatric evaluation said? My ex treats me bad, he can complain,he can rule, but I cant say a word. The same with my dad. He can complain on and on for hours or days but when I do, he gets mad and says he doesn't want to hear it. I got upset with my daughter this morning because she refuses to let me brush her hair, she has knots so huge its been there a week or more, clumps, she wont let me help her,same with washing herself. She says shes old enough but she cant do it. So I said Im not going on this trip, besides the kids are hitting each other saying they want each other out of their lives, they hate each other and us. My grandpa gave me he&& this morning cuz I was uh..in the "powder room" and he got mad when he called back saying why couldn't I call him back? I never heard the phone ring with the T.V. on and the bathroom vent going! I am so frustrated ya know? Thanks, but I'm single for the rest of my life,I'm destined this way. My ex did want to stick by my side but I could not let him risk his job etc for me. Sorry for going on and on.Hope you have a good Holiday

 

[HaoZi]

You sound like you could use a vacation.

 

[Confused]

HaoZi,
Funny u say that.. we were suppose to go in two days for Christmas but I was making comments ( as i mentioned in my response to buddy) about things. My dad got mad,we exchanged some words and I told him fine, we are going let me just have the rest of today by myself without talking,I made another comment and my dad canceled it. So...my kids are mad at me and I ruined everything! Well Happy Holidays to you and everyone else on this forum.

 

[HaoZi]

I don't generally consider visiting family to count as a vacation. I'll be more specific: You need a week at a spa for yourself.

 

[Confused]

HaoZi,
No, I should of explained myself,it was to be Disneyland.... We have been planning for a year,full motion for 6 months,their father bailed on my kids and now because of our issues at home, it was canceled. Talk about guilt trip, and my dad says its all my fault cuz I kept complaining about misc stuff.Heck, doesn't everyone get stressed planning and preparing for a Major vacation? He has been not silent either! Hahha, I always joke about going to a spa! If I ever go from obese to thin, yes, I will go! Even though my kids are very hard to handle, especially my son, I feel so low that we are not going. They told everyone at school already to.

 

[HaoZi]

From an outside perspective, it sounds like he was looking for any excuse to cancel. I'm sorry, hon.