This is kind of a continuation of my other thread about a blow-up and a revelation. My mom is still "arguing" (via email because I refuse to talk to her about this) that difficult child is the way he is because I have spoiled him "since the day he was born". When we are around her, I don't do much discipline because she usually beats me to it in HER way, which is heavy handed. She has disagreed with how I discipline most of my kids' lives so I let her deal with it her way, which never works. We got to the point where we were around her as little as possible. She is very critical of easy child/difficult child when he acts Aspie. Both my kids have asked me more than once, "when will we ever be good enough for grandma". That really hurts and the only thing I could say was the truth: "I don't know. I'm still waiting for when I am." So sad but sooooo true. I told her that it would be nice to have family support instead of more criticism. Her response was "how can we support something we don't know exists?" I simply replied "now you do know and look what you're still doing." In her emails, she points out situations from over a year or two ago where I was "wrong" in how I handled something. She thinks grounding and losing privileges are the answer to ALL situations. I believe that teaching is more important with difficult child in many situations and I reserve more severe punishments for more severe situations where I know he does know better. Because his thinking is so different, I work at listening to his point of view then explaining mine so he understands there is a difference. If he "gets" what I'm saying, problem solved. If he doesn't, we compromise. Mom just doesn't understand that. Oh, and when she first asked me about it, she actually asked "you wouldn't lie about something like this just to cover for him?" That still just has me fuming. I have now told her that I will not discuss this any further. My guess is I will get the silent treatment for a loooonnngggg time or I'll get the "poor me" that she is so good at dishing out. I can deal with the silent treatment because then I can breathe and relax. She has been critical of me my whole life and I know nothing is ever going to change that. We are just fine without her if that is what it comes down to. Sorry, I just really needed to vent to my "real" family. Thanks everyone for being here.