ugh... frustrated!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Alttlgabby, Feb 17, 2009.

  1. Alttlgabby

    Alttlgabby New Member

    Why do some children just test you? LOL FD1 (14), the one that is being tested and we think has Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE)(and possibly various other problems) is so darned stubborn at times. She will not speak to hubby and I a lot but she will just yack up a storm with a total stranger about everything under the sun, all the while touching them, asking inappropriate questions, etc. Tonight, she did her math, and as always, I checked it. 13 out of 21 wrong. Now, she will tell me, "that one is right" and I will tell her, darling, I did the math and it is not right. So, the crocodile tears started again tonight. It is either I check it and make her do it again, or she gets it checked at school and it ends up being done over again at home. She just falls to her knees and starts just crying and crying. I asked her earlier to please clean the bathroom because it is a mess and her sister did a lot of work in the kitchen cleaning up two days ago while she did absolutely nothing (I did not say that she had done nothing though). I just simply asked her nicely to please clean the bathroom tonight as her "chore." All the kids are helping out because I just had surgery this past Tuesday and am supposed to be doing NOTHING. But, I did do a few light things today such as wiping off the kitchen counter and wiping down my bathroom vanity. So, it isn't too much to ask of her since that is her bathroom as well. So, I asked her if she had cleaned the bathroom like I asked since she wanted to play Guitar Hero. She just sat there like the cat ate her toungue as she usually does. So, I asked again. Same thing. I said to her, "J, I asked you a question and the least you can do is answer me." She still wouldn't answer me so I made her stand up and I put her butt in the corner. I told her that is where she will go from now on when she does not answer because she has the therapist thinking she is going to comply at home and answer us with "I'm thinking." She has done it one time. The rest of the time she refuses to answer, so I am in the mode of starting from scratch and treating her like a 2 yr old and going from there. It pisses me off so much that her mother never stepped up to the plate and acted like a freaking mother!!!! Her kids no nothing of living in a normal environment with normal bounderies set for them and parents who took the initiative to CARE enough to help these kids out with homework and other personal things in their lives. So, I finished the math stuff and told her to take it to her room. That when her teacher corrects it the same ones will be wrong and she will just be bringing it home again to do tomorrow. I then asked her again about the bathroom and her answer was "I don't know." UGH!!! It is either YES or NO, which is it? I cleaned off the mirror and wiped the vanity. OKAY then, that would be a YES because that is all I asked from you. Good job. Then I talked to her and told her that I am sorry that she was crying but there was no reason to cry because I cared enough to go behind her to make sure that her math was done correctly and that it wasn't my fault that she didn't do the math right. She tries to hurry through and makes those careless mistakes that most children with problems do. The only thing I can do is help and when she won't ask most of the time or you ask her if she understands, she tells you she knows how to do it. Thankfully, we have an IEP meeting on Thursday to which my response to her math teacher will be, either teach the child the basics of multiplication and division along with this algebra, or move her back to the class she was in before. It's too much on her if she is missing half or over half of the problems she is now doing. And when she has to spend 2 hours at the table to do 20 problems there is an issue. Part of it being that she fiddles around too distracted.. or distracts herself so she doesn't have to do it right then, etc... We also have therapy that day. Next week she will be having a therapy appointment on her own since the therapist can get more done with her one on one. She talks up a storm then. I don't know what she is afraid of, but I can't get it out of her if she won't talk! And she seems to "forget" (or is that just doesn't think they are for her?) that she has rules at times (even when they are hung on her wall!). Such as, she is not allowed in my daughters room for awhile because the rule is, if daughter is asleep,you do not go into her room. I found her in there the other night. She had asked about watching tv and I told her, okay. She didn't K's tv in her room, although she is asleep! She went in there, turned on the tv and got real comfy and woke up daughter, so I told her she isn't allowed in there for awhile since she can't seem to follow the rules. I had to shoo her out of there two days ago, again watching tv, and again tonight. We do have a tv in the living room as well. And she and sister have a tv in their room, but I yanked the main plug from it over a week ago when her sister decided to throw a major fit and lost the tv priveleges and her cell phone priveleges. I just want to pound my head on the wall sometimes! LOL But I guess we all have those days! Not to mention with the surgery I can't do anything and am used to being able to do things daily in the house, so I am so freaking bored!!!!! Can't drive for another week at least! Thanks for bearing with me! :sad-very:
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2009
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hi there!!

    I can sooo relate. Your daughter sounds a lot like mine....and it WOULD be so much easier if they could just speak up and say "I'm having a bad day" or "I don't want to come to dinner because I hate fish sticks" or whatever is really bothering them. Instead, they say nothing so you find yourself guessing and guessing and then just getting so darn frustrated you want to explode yourself. AAAARRGGGHH!!!

    No answers unfortunately...but plenty of sympathy.

    Sending ((((Hugs)))) and support.

  3. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    My daughter, the Queen is like that as well. It is frustrating! I have been getting all kinds of evaluations done on mine and am finding alot of areas where she has trouble and she is starting to make more sense to me. My daughter is showing trouble with audio processing, language difficulties, attention problems, perceptual proplems and anxiety. She has picked up on my frustration with her and her homework and will avoid using me the best she can because she says I get mad. It isn't mad, it is frustration because she just doesn't get what everyone else just seems to get, sigh. But now that I see how many areas she is struggling with I have changed my view and am trying harder to find ways to help her. None of these proplems were apparent with basic testing, I have this board to thank for suggesting the language evaluation, neuro-psy testing and my pediatrician threw in the audio processing testing.
  4. Alttlgabby

    Alttlgabby New Member

    Thanks guys! I am just so frustrated at times because I "don't" know what is wrong with her so I can't deal with it on "her level" at all. I don't know if it Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), Aspergers, ADHD, ODD, etc... UGH.. and I could just put my hands around her Mom's throat right now and just choke her for not being responsible the last 6 years she has her! Or the other kids for the that matter. To make matters worse, the state of AZ has ALLOWED their older brother to live with Mom again. Ummm, dummies.. the girls were taken in October 2007 for failure to protect, and because she was found at the bottom of their apartment steps passed out from drinking, and their brother was sent off to live with the grandmother who had him for 5 months and didn't place him in school that entire time. I got him and he was in school within 3 days, and placed in a grade higher due to his age! Az wanted to put him in 7th at age 14!!!!!! Unfortunately, I could not allow him to terrorize people in my house like he was doing and took him to his sisters, who in turn finally told him he was no longer welcome at her house either due to his behavior. Somehow, the rest of us are at fault according to him, and he takes no fault at all in his being "kicked out" of two homes. I thank goodness that I have the girls now and can somehow lead them in the right direction to become good productive adults. Thankfully, now the girls are with responsible adults who truly care about them and their wellbeing and want to truly help them. The girls father, my brother, has his own unique set of problems. Alcoholic, drug addict, schizo?, ADHD definately, never takes responsibility for anything that ever happens to him. I cannot wait to find out what is happening with J so that we an adjust her punishments, etc, to whatever seems to be wrong with her and deal these things our appropriately and get her whatever help she needs. She truly is not a bad kid. She just needs guidance and behavioral guidance.