UGH! like dealing with...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mog, Apr 14, 2010.

  1. mog

    mog Member

    difficult child is not hard enough. Still waiting from transport but now husband is acting like a JERK. An old friend of mine from high found me on face book yesterday and wanted to get together today for lunch for he also had a job interview and said he would call after that so we could decide what and where. Well that didn't end up happening since his interview ended up taking long because they gave him a physical and whatever and last night when I gave him my phone number he didn't save it. Well I have face book send me new messages and when he said he did not save my number I thought oh ok since I was beginning to think that he just really didn't want to get together. He told me at our senior mass to stop crying since it's not like this is the last time we will ever see each other and it was. He joined the service after HS and I went off to college. I had tried to find him but no luck so I was happy to hear from him. So he chatted for a while last night on face book then today he posted his new phone number and told me he didn't save mine so I posted it and he called me within 5 minutes. We were close in school and he dated several of my good friends. Tonight when husband came in I was on the phone with him then he hung up cause his wife was calling -he called back but I hung up to talk to my mom-back and forth like that. husband had been outside watering and he had asked him what he wanted for dinner out of the meat I had taken out of the freezer. Got my potatoes out and veggie and had the whole plan to make dinner. So I was sitting at the computer typing a letter and talking to my friend when husband starts sighing and says outloud that he guesses he will just have to go to bed early. I told my friend I had to go so I could make dinner for my husband and he was understanding and told us to have a good night. Not 2 seconds after I hung up husband starts a fight saying that I was spinning around in the computer chair and how fair is that after I am the one that is always correcting difficult child NOT to do it. I turned around and looked at him and said don't go there. After all that is going on right now with difficult child with us just waiting --I said that he is one to talk considering how many things that difficult child has asked him to teach him and he blows him off in order to go show step son the idea difficult child just gave him.
    I told him I was not going to argue and turned around to the computer. He made several hateful comments then walked off --he came back in an attempt to fix things but made it worse. He now said that he is willing to get out of my life and that in the morning "if I have permission to be on the computer I will post my belongings on ebay and get out of my life"
    I refused to argue and he kept pushing then went off to bed
    I gave up all but one friend when we got together and he didn't give up anybody including his ex-wife. He is jealous but I with all I have on my plate I can't deal with this petty **** now
    I feel like I might have to make this long trip with difficult child alone, but am i not already alone???
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    husband sounds like he was jealous of all the attention your friend seemed to be getting when he wasn't getting any (from his point of view). His response wasn't very mature - classic passive aggressive.

    It's your choice where things go from here - as you said, you were talking to a friend, you gave up a lot of friends when you and husband got together and he has not. So there sounds to be double standards here. That said, if I had done to my husband what you did tonight - talked to someone else, had my thoughts elsewhere while he's waiting for me to fix dinner for him - he would have felt hurt, too.

    Fidelity isn't always about sex. You can be unfaithful to someone not even by thinking about someone else in a sexual way, or even about someone else at all - but simply by not being available for your partner, or there for them. If/when your partner senses your unavailability, for whatever reason, then it becomes a matter of fidelity.

    For example, I might be spending all my time immersed in this site, always posting or reading someone else's posts and never making sure the washing is done, there is food on the table, the clothing is mended. The family would get resentful and blame the site, when it is my unavailability that is the problem, not the site.

    With your husband, I sense you have both got into bad patterns of communication that regularly use passive-aggressive methods to communicate, instead of really talking to one another. Where there is resentment on either side, it is unhealthy to allow it to continue.

  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    MOG - sorry I just could not read your post yesterday. Can you try to do paragraphs when you write? Thanks!

    I hope husband is acting better now. Hopefully things have settled down a bit.
  4. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    Facebook is now a leading cause of divorce, as in people hooking up with old friends and loves. You sound, to me, like you are really overly happy to be hearing from and getting together with this friend. Please be careful.