Ugh! (Maybe I handled it well?)

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by witzend, Aug 21, 2009.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    L calls me this morning and says "Grandma and Grandpa said that they would like to go for dinner or something sometime with us all." I asked "Who's 'us all'?" You and husband and me and maybe my boyfriend or not my boyfriend if he can't make it. I asked "Why?" All kinds of mush about how "they miss you because everyone has grown so much"... I told her I would have to talk to husband and get his opinion of it, as he is the one who is going to have to deal with me if things go badly. When asked she said they brought it up, but she wasn't sure which of them it was. (Buh loney.) She said she then talked privately to Grandma about how hurt I was that L was told I wouldn't be welcome as a guest at Thanksgiving dinner two years ago. Apparently "grandma hadn't thought of it from that point of view before." I guess that makes her a thoughtless woman. I didn't say that. I doubt that anyone is that stupid that they think "Two days notice isn't enough to make room at the table for you" is really what the reason was. But if she is that 's her story and she's sticking to it, I do think that she is at best thoughtless.

    I fail to see the point in it, honestly. Geez, I'm nearly 50 years old and gotten along without them just fine for the past ten years. It's not like I would be having dinner with just them, it would be playing into a hand to be used by four brothers and sisters and all of their kids and all of their exes. I don't trust Lauren's description of events. Are they just asking to make themselves look good? Do they mean it? Why would they want to see me after all this time when I was left out of every family occasion - and even specifically told not to come - for the last ten years?

    Would they find fault and then tell everyone what a loser they think I am? (YES.) If I say "no" will they tell everyone else in the (huge) family that I was a witch and wouldn't even see my 81 year old parents at their request? (Yes.) I mean, never mind that when they had their giant combined 80th birthdays celebration where every near and distant relative from every corner of the US plus everyone we ever knew when we were were kids came, I wasn't invited.

    Sooooo... I kept it very short and changed the topic. Later, I texted her and asked her to be honest whether they said why they wanted to see me, or if they just said they wanted to see me. She said they just said they wanted to see me. No reason. (Lip service from them, in my opinion.) I texted her back:

    "I still have to talk to husband, but having not been there it's hard for me to understand the invite. They can call me. You shouldn't be the middleman."

    She responded "OK".

    I imagine that will be the end of it. I think I redirected it well. Time will tell. It's not yet noon, and I'm ready for Happy Hour. I should probably find something more healthy to do...
     
  2. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Yep, if they want to see you let THEM ask....... I think you did handle it well! Sorry that the situation is such that you have to handle it this way.......
     
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I think you handled that GREAT!

    You're right, she should not have to be the go-between. Also, if they're going to be like that, you shouldn't have to worry about their feelings.

    Nice job! :D
     
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    It's 5:00 SOMEWHERE. :wine:

    Well.....at the very least L is getting a jump on the holidays. (don't you dare throw that) lol.
     
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I think you handled it very well. It just sounds off to me. for so long they actively didn't want you around and then POW they want to go to dinner with you?

    WTH??? was the first thought that ran through my mind.

    L seems to do a lot of manipulating in this situation.

    FWIW, I would make a polite excuse and not go. Then use that time to go do something SPECIAL for you and husband. Or just you if you would rather be alone.

    Sorry families are so strange.
     
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Star, it's a lucky thing that the remainders of the Nativity were given to the Goodwill! Although I have to admit I was in our neighborhood location the other day and went down an aisle that was full of discarded Christmas Decorations. It was a little surreal.

    Well, it's only 2:30 and I haven't started drinking yet, so that's good! ;) I gave Mandy a bath instead. I have some special steaks in the freezer that I am going to defrost and cook for dinner, I'll have a glass of red then. Maybe even two.

    I do feel really proud of myself for the way I handled it. It's really got nothing to do with L, so I'm glad the conversation was short and that I was able to take the time to think it out and reclaim it for myself. I hope that this will put an end to it, but even if it doesn't, I can fall back on "they can call me" at any time. Not that I'm terribly worried that they are going to call me. I'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
     
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    FYI -

    Our local Salvation Army had Christmas in July and while it was phenominally good for the community? I had an OVERWHELMING urge to buy, wrap and SEND you a natavity. Had I found one that was in that Southwestern art solid, dot, design you like? Youda got it. ;) - However - just so you know INSTEAD - I took every donkey out of each set and purchased THOSE for MYSELF instead. :laugh: (and for those who may be concerned that I ruined the set? It was the last day - it was the final hour and what was left was going to the land fill.) I was not a nativity ruiner:surprise:

    But yer lucky Witz....I thought about buying one and PAINTING it - HA. But was going to stop at the liquor store FIRST....haha. :tongue:
     
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I think you handled it beautifully. If they'd like to see you then they can ask directly. No middlemen. It's the only sure way to be certain they're serious.

    Sigh. Family can be such a pain at times. And yours is so much like mine in the no win situations.

    ((hugs))
     
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    We worked in the yard all day. When we came in there was a message from my mom asking me to call. I haven't returned it.

    First - If I was to go to dinner with them, it wouldn't be with L. She's hardly a shining beacon in the relationship department.

    Second - It totally tarnishes it that this call is a result of L's interference. The only reason my mom called is because L told her "My mom says you should call her." No. I said "They can call me. You shouldn't be the middleman." Not "Please call my mom and ask her to call me."

    L had totally manipulated this again, and I'm so angry I could spit.
     
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