Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Oct 22, 2008.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Some days I wish I could just hide away.

    Who to start with? easy child or difficult child?

    I guess difficult child first. He is being a pain in math at school. I had to laugh because the teacher he has for that class isn't really very good at all. She doesn't get it. She leaves a message that we should tell difficult child to come to math ready to learn. Ummm, yeah I'll get right on that! Sheesh, if it were only that easy.

    On the way home he was so mad at me he told me he wasn't going to talk to me for two days. All I could think of is please live up to that promise. Of course, true to form, not even a minute later he is asking me questions.

    Then he was really upset about a consequence I gave him and he came over to the dinner table to tell me when he turns 13 he is going to kill me. It's not the first death threat ever but it's always a bit unsettling.

    Now on to easy child. I feel so bad for her right now. She has a good friend who is a boy who suddenly is mad and stopped talking to her. Also she thinks her supposed boyfriend has a part in spreading some rumors about her that aren't true. Unfortunately husband found this all out when he picked her up yesterday and she was crying. She asked him to not tell me so I have been trying to act like I don't know. He told me not to betray her confidence but he is concerned and felt I should know.

    She just layed in bed last night and after school today. She hasn't done any homework. She was going to skip cheering the game because her supposed boyfriend is one of the cheerleaders. We told her she had to go to the game. Then she got there and no one else was there to cheer. Apparently she missed the coach saying last Thursday that they weren't cheering at this game.

    She also has decided not to try out for basketball cheering now because of all of this. She is so stubborn that once she makes up her mind on something that's it.

    My heart is just aching for her tonight. She tries hard to be a good friend to the friends she has and she doesn't deserve this.

    Thanks for listening, it's just been a very frustrating day.
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    That does sound like a great big UGH!

    Isn't it interesting how sometimes kids choose a date so far down the road that everyone is going to forget it by then? Those death threats do put a little knife stab into your heart.

    I'm sorry about easy child. Why is it that kids let other kids crush their dreams? I hope she can find her joy of cheering again.

    I hope tomorrow is better. Got any chocolate in the house? That may help!
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Sharon, I am so sorry for your easy child. These yrs are so hard. My easy child has been through that a million times, and the part that irks me is that she keeps going back for more.
    I had to laugh at this: On the way home he was so mad at me he told me he wasn't going to talk to me for two days. All I could think of is please live up to that promise.

    I wouldn't worry about the death threat. Clearly, your difficult child won't remember it. by the way, why wait until he's 13? (Don't ask him that, just pointing out how silly it is.)

    I hope tomorrow is better.
  4. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Ugh is right, it isn't easy. Has he changed any medications recently? It does seem to be escalating, sorry.

    As far as easy child, I hope her "friends" get it together and behave nicer to her. I hate rumors, it is so unfair. There usually isn't even one person you can confront.
  5. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Oh Sharon - the first 2 paragraphs had me chuckling. Don't you just wish you could slap your forehead and say "Oh *yeah*, why didn't I think of that??? I'll just tell him to be ready to learn". Urrrggh! And threats of silence - we should be so lucky.

    Death threats are shocking to hear from our kids. I wish our kids' minds wouldn't go there but.... I guess it's just part of our program. Still unsettling.

    My heart goes out to easy child. The teen years are just the worst socially. The thoughtless cruelty can be so unbridled. I hope she's able to weather this okay, poor baby.
  6. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    I can't count how many times my difficult child has threatened to not speak to me. Every time I secretly wish she really does it.

    The murder threats are a bit unsettling. I don't know what to say there.:sad-very:

    Sounds like an all around crappy week. I hope the weekend gets better for you.

  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I was telling girlfriend's mother the other night about an incident with difficult child 1 at school (right when I pulled him out, as a matter of fact) when his acting principal was trying to backpedal fast and turn my anger onto difficult child 1, by trying to find things he had done wrong. Among things she was using to try to get me angry, was - a piece of rope had been found in his schoolbag, tied into a noose. Well, I knew difficult child 1 had been playing with piece of string, pieces of rope etc for years, tying them into nooses. Generally the pieces of rope were about a foot long, not long enough to make a usable noose. it was just a thing he did. It didn't mean anything. Most of his nooses were made with thin twine, like a noose in miniature. And I was supposed to feel anxious over it!

    There are threats, and there are threats. difficult child 1's nooses were never a threat. Him taking throwing knives to school - darn stupid, but never a threat. All he ever did with those throwing knives either at home or a friend's place was to throw them at a target painted in mud on the back fence.

    I think I've had kids say they hate me and want to kill me. I tell them to go ahead, but be prepared for a very unpleasant life behind bars, and without me to fight the battles for them. I even at one point had difficult child 1 say he wanted to kill himself - I said to him, "Don't you dare. I get to go first, not you. I have a lot more physical pain, I've endured just as much emotional pain even if you think you've got the monopoly on it; I've done the research on how to kill myself but I made the choice to stick around because I have kids who need me. So if you go off and kill yourself - that's not fair, that's jumping the queue. It's not your turn yet."

    OK, it's unconventional, but it seemed to work. I think I shocked him when I told him how I feel about being disabled. He never again said he wanted to kill himself or gave any indication he was thinking of it.

  8. Pookybear66

    Pookybear66 New Member

    Wiped-been there done that oh my! At least you made some people laugh-that's a good thing.
    Re: Your easy child
    Can your husband tell her something like this-"About what we talked about the other day, I didn't have any good answers for you then but I've thought of some things now." And then give her some advice that you have told him such as confronting the boyfriend about the rumors? That way you and he could talk about it and come up with some solutions but it wouldn't seem like he betrayed her confidence. Or would she see through the curtain of helpfulness and be really upset because your husband could not possibly have thought of anything without discussing it with you? In either case I think she needs to take charge of the situation and figure out why this boyfriend is talking nasty about her and what she needs to do about it. I wouldn't want to be boyfriend's with someone who is doing that. I know everyone needs someone but she deserves more than that.
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Adrianne-Yeah, how they pick a day so far in the future is really strange, why 13 I have no idea. It is sad that they let other kids crush their dreams. We're trying to tell easy child not to let this stop her from doing the things she enjoys.

    Terry-I hope easy child doesn't go through this a million times because I can't bear to watch it. This is her first time of this and it is so hard to watch.

    Kathie-No change in medications recently but for whatever reason October has typically been a bad month for difficult child.

    Sue-Yeah I was chuckling at the first two paragraphs too. What makes it worse is his math teacher is a Special Education teacher. I think retirement needs to happen soon for her.
    The teen years really are hard socially and easy child is depressed so with this happening it seems to really have to set her back.

    Steph-The death threats are unsettling but not much to do about them at this point.

    Marg-That's just what we told difficult child yesterday-be prepared for a very unpleasant life behind bars with no one to visit you at all.

    Pookybear-He already asked her to talk to her boyfriend about it. She either did and won't say what happened or didn't. She wants nothing more to do with the girl. I just wish she wouldn't stop being involved with things she enjoys just because the other girl is involved in them as well.

    Thank you everyone. She was very upset still this morning and after school but tonight is being very pleasant. I know this is still really hard but it's good to see her laughing a bit tonight.
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Showing up late, Sharon, but still sending out hugs! Glad easy child is doing better this evening.
  11. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    "That's just what we told difficult child yesterday-be prepared for a very unpleasant life behind bars with no one to visit you at all."

    It reminds me of the t-shirt - it has a small black circle with the line "this is your [rear end]".
    Then it has another very large black circle. "This is your [read end] in jail."

  12. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hey Sharon: How bout you and easy child heading out for an Ice Cream Sundae?

    Sounds like a little "girl time" is in order.

    Sometimes a quiet "munch out" is just enough to loosen a tongue that's dying to talk to a mom that "just MIGHT know what she's talking about".

    I'm sorry she's going through this. "What doesn't kill us, just makes us stronger"!

    I hope she feels better!

  13. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I can relate to the problems your daughter is having. The teen years are so hard!!! My easy child has been in situations similar to the one you described. It is hard for me to see her so miserable and be powerless to help her too. What makes it even harder is the fact that as a "typical teen", she is pulling away from me, usually doesn't want advice from me, and just shuts me out of her world. I wish I had some good advice, but all I can say is that I think I understand how it makes you feel...

    Sorry to hear the latest regarding your difficult child. difficult child 1 always does worse in the Fall. It was one year ago this month that he spiraled out of control and ran away. Luckily, the psychiatrist added an antipsych to the mix and it helped. difficult child 1 did better for awhile, but now I'm concerned again. His thoughts are way too grandiose...

    It is heartbreaking to hear that your difficult child has threatened to kill you yet again. I know there is really not much you can do at this point, but please be careful. It's not fun living with an unstable difficult child!!! I guess this is the understatement of the day. I hope his docs find a way to help him ASAP!!!

    I guess I don't really have any advice. I just want you to know I'm thinking of you. WFEN
  14. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    Don't you just love those illogical statements from teachers who don't "get it". Like teachers who would call me and tell me that difficult child wasn't working in class, not acting out, but just sitting there refusing to do anything. Like I could make him? OOOOOOkay

    I chuckled about the not talking thing. easy child used to tell me "don't talk to me" when I was admonishing her over something. She found out quick that I'd take her at her word, and not 30 seconds later she'd be yelling at me to talk to her. LOL Sorry about the death threat though. I like Marg's reply to that one.

    Hope you easy child's situation works out. It's such a heartbreak at that age.
  15. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Marg-Love the t-shirt!

    Beth-Thanks, I might try to do just that but at this point it's hard to get her to do much.

    WFEN-The pulling away part sure is hard, isn't it? Thanks for the good thoughts.

    Chelle-If it wasn't so sad that the teachers don't get it, it would be truly funny!