Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by klmno, Jul 4, 2009.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I've been chatting with a guy online. We traded photos and he's very nice looking. He just asked me out so we can meet in person. It will be a public place of course. Any idea how to play this safer- other than time to see if he really works where he says he does, he really isn't married and stuff like that? I've been WAY out of the dating circle for a very long time. After difficult child's father turned out to be a completely different person than who he claimed, I'd really like to get him to sign a release form so I can do a background check, but that might be too forward, huh?

    I have a big distrust for men in general. I tend to think good-looking single men would prefer to either mess around with several women; "play" them so-to-speak, or look for a trophy wife. I honestly abhor the thought of getting to know a man who'd do either.

    Can I at least demand to see medical records stating a vasectomy has been performed on him if we pursue a relationship?
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2009
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member


    Yep, asking for a release for a background check may be a little too up front (especially if you insist he pay the $50 - $100) to do so.

    It may be harder to get medical records than the background check.

    It would also be a good ice breaker. See how fast and hard he laughs when you introduce yourself, "Hi, I am klmno! I don't trust people so before we take this any further, can you please sign this release for a background check and medical records. Also, a check written for $... to cover the expenses to get these?" If he gets this scared look on his face and turns to run, then you know you hit a sore spot and it wasn't meant to be.

    Let us know how that one goes over. I don't see very many people using it. It is a good idea though. We would all have the background check people and doctor offices kept overly busy if we were allowed to do such.

    Keep it public and run at the first time he asks for your checking account numbers. You may not let him use your bank accounts to make any transactions (no matter how much he will pay you).

    Sometimes good looking single men are single because they can't stand the pressure of women looking for only good looking men. Women who are not "real". Those who will say and do anything to get the good looking guy to pay them attention. So, be "real". Stay relaxed. He may just be looking for an awesome lady such as yourself to SHARE in life.

    Good luck! I hope you have a GREAT time.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'lk gladly pay that- do you have any idea how much difficult child's father has cost me? (That would be paying for difficult child)- JK about that- I chose to raise difficult child so I wouldn't part with him over money.

    We're supposed to meet tomorrow so I'll let everyone know how it goes.
  4. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    K, this sounds like a fun adventure.
    As for playing it safe, I think the only advice I can give you is to take things super slowly. Like molasses-in-January slowly.

    You already know that you have an issue trusting men. So just listen to your instincts. But most importantly, give yourself lots of time to tune into what your instincts are telling you.

    It would be a crying shame to get to like this fellow, only to have him turn out to be a ratbag. Similarly, it would be sad to push away a good'un because of other men's bad treatment of you.

    I think asking for a signed release would be a bit over-the-top for a first date...:tongue:

    Hope you have a lovely time, and dying to hear how it goes.

  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    He asked what kind of food I like- I told him anything except Thai but that I'd like it to be casual since it's the first time we are meeting and I wanted it comfortable. He told me to pick a restaurant. Well, do I do the typical Chili's, Tgif sort of place? Anything else starts getting more expensive and I don't want to look like a mooch. Or, I could do a good mexican but what if he really doesn't like mexican much?

    Geez- he's been waiting for over an hour for me to email him back and al;though I can make decisions for my difficult child, I can't make this one! HA!
  6. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member


    Glad you have this opportunity. :D But remember, the reason to date is to get to know someone and then see whether you want to pursue a relationship.

    Trinity's right; go very slowly, and make sure he's who he says he is. To be safe, stay in public places, and don't get in a car with him until you get to know him better. Don't give out personal info, like your address. Don't show him your driver's license (if he says he wants to see your picture, for example). And don't demand background checks or medical records at this point. (Wouldn't you freak out if someone asked you for those things? I would!) It's a bit of a balancing act -- be open, but at the same time guard your heart.

    Have fun & let us know how it goes!
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    It was a joke!
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It is good you are getting out and meeting someone new. Whether as a romantic interest or a friend, it is good to be open to new things. You can probably run his name through the county records for nothing.

    Make sure you stay in public and that someone knows where you are going and who you will be meeting. Even if it is just a PM to one of us, having someone know this can alert them earlier if you end up in a dangerous or scary situation.

    If things don't go well I bet we have a difficult child or two who wouldn't mind having a new target to play with! (kidding, I think!)

    Enjoy yourself!
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I emailed and told him we could meet at XYZ (one of the typical places) or a nicer restaurant (which isn't too high priced yet somewhat casual). I sent a link to that website and told him he could make the final call. Does that sound appropriate?

    Ok- I'm meeting him for dinner tomorrow. I should be back home and touching base late evening- or sooner, depending on if we have a drink after dinner. He's not coming home with me tomorrow under any circumstances.

    He says he's divorced and that one of his kids lives with him and that he's commuting to work from a town about an hour away from where I live. We'll see if this goes well if he gives me a home phone number. I don't want involved with a married man.
  10. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE


    Google him.

    Tell a close girlfriend his full name and phone number. Address too, if you have it. Let her know the times you anticipate being gone and the restaurant.

    If you met him through an online dating service, send a copy of his profile to your close girlfriend, too.

    Park as close to the door of the restaurant as possible. Under a light, close to the door is even better.

    Don't leave your drink unattended.

    If you get even the teensiest bit of "the willies" when you are with him, make something up and get outta there.

    Even if you like him, take an alternate route home and make sure he isn't following you before you get there.

    Hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

    I hope he's wonderful and that you have a terrific time!

  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    You Ladies are making me a little paranoid. LOL! Although you are bringing up some good points. I especially appreciate the reminder not to leave a drink. (I'll have to remember to go to the bathroom brfore I go to the place!)

    He must be as bad as me about decisions- it's still up in the air.
  12. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member

    Sorry I missed that -- duh! :faint: But I have a friend who was tempted to do just that after getting involved with someone who turned out to be a pathological liar, complete with a fake identity.

    So maybe you can just get his fingerprints -- lol!

    Seriously, I hope you have fun wherever you end up having dinner.
  13. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Suz gave you very sound advice.

    Do make certain you are not followed home. And go slowly. There is no rush.

    I hope you have a wonderful time and he turns out to be the nice guy he presents himself to be.

  14. skeeter

    skeeter New Member

    in our county, you can check the clerk of courts website for any legal proceedings. This includes divorce. And includes anything from about 1990 onwards.
  15. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    How exciting for you!!! I think the ladies brought up several good points...the going slowly and getting to know him and also telling a girlfriend about where you will be going, someone close to you should always know when you are meeting someone from online. The only thing I have to add is to trust your instincts. The thing about him commuting may raise my (he might be married) radar, but if you take things slow, there will be other clues to this, so don't worry too much about it at this point.
    I hope you have a great time & that hes a great guy!
  16. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thanks everyone! No problem, G-U-G! Fingerprints, huhmmmmm......
  17. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    K---just have fun. Go in expecting to make a friend. Most people out there are good decent people. I'm just so excited you are making a life for yourself again. You GO Girl.
  18. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    We're postponing this until lunch tomorrow- that works out better, I think.
  19. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    Perfect advice for dating whether you meet them on the internet or even some more traditional place. I hope this is a good experience for you,

    Just a funny: I have a friend who has been a widow for a couple of years. When we were in high school she was one of the craziest, wildest people I knew. Now she has begun dating a couple of guys she met through the internet (she's had a dentist, a lawyer, and a mortician). Our other friend mentioned that she hoped she'd be OK. I told her, knowing our friend and her history, I'm more worried about the guys than about her. We decided that was probably the truth.
  20. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Monday lunch! Commutes to work! This is probably a very good idea. It will have a deadline since he probably has to return to work. That will give an easy out if saying good bye is not soon enough or is too hard.

    Lunches are more relaxing. Maybe if it is a nice day outside, you can find a place with a deck to eat outdoors?