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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 484064" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>I found learning to accept Travis for who he is was the most important lesson of all concerning difficult children. I spent his entire life trying to help and "fix" him, and before teenhood strive as close to "normal" as we could get. That can be a hard thing to just shut off, actually it is a hard thing to just shut off. Once we'd gone through the lord knows how many specialists and tried the wide variety of treatments, suggestions ect.........and I'm looking at my son in his teen years and he's basically the same child he's always been and has gotten worse instead of better (the consistent vision loss and stroke at 18 and polycythemia diagnosis).....that was like being hit over the head by a train. That "I can't fix him" nearly did me in for a while. Then on a particularly bad day of that, I realized that Travis is who he is, and that too is ok. He didn't chose his disabilities or his dxes. He does the best he can with what God has given him. Yeah, the gfgness can really wear on a person at times, but overall, he's a d@mn good kid with a heart of pure gold. </p><p></p><p>He was about 16-18 when this hit me. I mean really hit me. And I stopped trying to make him "normal" and shifted gears to help him be the best person he could be within his limitations. I don't regret those years pushing him with the high goal of 'normal" because it gave him something to strive for and pushed him to keep trying above and beyond what others believed he could do. (including docs) I know if I hadn't treated him via rules and expectations growing up like a normal kid he wouldn't be functioning as well as he does as an adult. But with acceptance came peace. And I've learned to enjoy him completely for the person he is, which is a pretty great person.</p><p></p><p>It also helped with Nichole because she was just entering her major decent into gfgdom at this time. This insight let me view her difficult child behaviors apart from the person she is. It let me focus on those behaviors without it affecting my relationship with her. Which is huge because otherwise I don't think that would've been possible. She was very actively pushing away those who loved and cared about her and if often got ugly. I often wonder if I'd have been able to help Nichole as much as I did without that AHA! moment with Travis.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 484064, member: 84"] I found learning to accept Travis for who he is was the most important lesson of all concerning difficult children. I spent his entire life trying to help and "fix" him, and before teenhood strive as close to "normal" as we could get. That can be a hard thing to just shut off, actually it is a hard thing to just shut off. Once we'd gone through the lord knows how many specialists and tried the wide variety of treatments, suggestions ect.........and I'm looking at my son in his teen years and he's basically the same child he's always been and has gotten worse instead of better (the consistent vision loss and stroke at 18 and polycythemia diagnosis).....that was like being hit over the head by a train. That "I can't fix him" nearly did me in for a while. Then on a particularly bad day of that, I realized that Travis is who he is, and that too is ok. He didn't chose his disabilities or his dxes. He does the best he can with what God has given him. Yeah, the gfgness can really wear on a person at times, but overall, he's a d@mn good kid with a heart of pure gold. He was about 16-18 when this hit me. I mean really hit me. And I stopped trying to make him "normal" and shifted gears to help him be the best person he could be within his limitations. I don't regret those years pushing him with the high goal of 'normal" because it gave him something to strive for and pushed him to keep trying above and beyond what others believed he could do. (including docs) I know if I hadn't treated him via rules and expectations growing up like a normal kid he wouldn't be functioning as well as he does as an adult. But with acceptance came peace. And I've learned to enjoy him completely for the person he is, which is a pretty great person. It also helped with Nichole because she was just entering her major decent into gfgdom at this time. This insight let me view her difficult child behaviors apart from the person she is. It let me focus on those behaviors without it affecting my relationship with her. Which is huge because otherwise I don't think that would've been possible. She was very actively pushing away those who loved and cared about her and if often got ugly. I often wonder if I'd have been able to help Nichole as much as I did without that AHA! moment with Travis. [/QUOTE]
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