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Unbelievable Stupid Meddlers
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<blockquote data-quote="WSM" data-source="post: 240258" data-attributes="member: 5169"><p>The therapist recommended a residential school for emotionally disturbed kids. The school turned him down, probably because he was beyond their abilities (there is a lot of skating around the possibility that he has his bio-mom's mental illness and a personality disorder; but you can't officially be diagnosis'd with a personality disorder until you are 18, so people just drop him and wish us luck with him). They gave us a list of state resources. This is a military school paid for by the state for ESE students from 5th grade to 12th. </p><p> </p><p>It however is not really a miliarty school. It has an awesome WIlderness Weekend (think Scared Straight), but actually it's about 30 - 40 students and maybe 10 staff; some who are ex military. It's licensed and certified by the state, and difficult child has a good personalized lesson plan; but the military aspect is pretty lax. Their transportation is always late, they don't enforce their own rules, and they have a weird school schedule where all of a sudden the school will be closed the next day but they won't tell the parents until the night before. </p><p> </p><p>He's supposed to be getting therapy, but I think he's not. They are evasive, and because I'm just the stepmother, and supposedly one who's so meeeeeeean to him, I don't push it. I pick him up at school everyday and get definite vibes that they buy at least some of his story. But I think they are charging the state for therapy and don't have any one qualified to give it. It's got a reputation for being tough, but is haphazard. The value to us is even if difficult child does something stupid again like take another knife to school, they will probably handle it internally (provided he doesn't threaten someone). The regular school has to report it, which means he's arrested--and the State Attorney General has already said the next arrest will mean mandatory juvenile detention for difficult child.</p><p> </p><p>This worries us. He's a skinny little white boy with red hair who cries easily and feels sorry for himself. He won't last long in state juvenile detention. If difficult child goes to detention center we are scared he'll be destroyed; I don't know how we could possibly get back the same kid. It will make all his problems so much worse. </p><p> </p><p></p><p> </p><p>No, he's not on medications. The last child psychiatrist wanted to hold off as long as possible. difficult child does not tantrum, so his problems seem less compelling to many professionals. He'll get another full assessment done this summer.</p><p> </p><p></p><p> </p><p>I am too. He's also drawn a picture of himself stabbing his sister while his head explodes and his dad hanging upside down and me scowling angrily. </p><p> </p><p>He's also ripped a bean bag chair apart with his knife and twice knifed his mattress and bedding. </p><p> </p><p>He once said he wished he was dead; and at summer camp he once banged his head repeatedly against a table. The staff couldn't get him to stop, so they put paper under his head. When he did stop he pulled out the hair on his arms. Oddly enough they never thought to tell us about this. He has also self reported that he knocks his head against coke machines and a door frame. He only told me this because I saw a mark of his face, a thin line. I thought it was either a pencil line or a bruise. He said it was a bruise and that he liked to hit his head. </p><p> </p><p>A few months ago, he got caught hiding my husband's cell phone in a box of hot chocolate packets. My husband didn't realize what he was doing and said, what are you doing, you're supposed to be in bed. A few minutes later he went upstairs to make sure difficult child was in bed and difficult child was anxious and hitting his head softly against something, saying, I'm afraid I'm going to be in trouble. (but he didn't confess about the cell phone--we found it the next day).</p><p> </p><p>Oddly enough, two different professionals have said pictures and this stuff aren't necessarily alarming. You have to look at the whole behavior, and in whole, difficult child is very passive and timid seeming.</p><p> </p><p>I think it's a problem, no one else seems to.</p><p> </p><p></p><p> </p><p>He's my husband's biological child from his first wife who has severe mental illness. She goes into psychosis several times a year, is homeless, getting committed, lives in halfway houses, tries to rebuild her life, goes back into psychosis, an endless cycle. difficult child talks to her about three times a year on the phone for a minute or two and last saw her a year ago and probably won't see her again for a long time.</p><p> </p><p>We are a blended family. I have three boys 19, 17, and 14; husband has difficult child 12, and stepdaughter 8. My handle WSM stands for wicked stepmother because that's how difficult child portrays me. I've been in their lives since daughter was 3 and difficult child was 6. The family blending was not really a problem except for difficult child and oddly enough my mother in law. (she's a whole nother story, fortunately lives far away). </p><p> </p><p>None of the kids see their non-custodial parents (my X is an alcoholic in another state who doesn't pay CS and is hiding). My husband had full custody of the kids since daughter was a couple weeks old and difficult child was 3 and a half.</p><p> </p><p>difficult child got a rough start. His mother's instability led her to suddenly flee, get in the car with the kids and drive, and on six occasions he was taken into protective custody while she was being Baker Acted. Three times he was put into foster homes. My husband has told the story of how when difficult child was a baby, she'd get 'sick' and for days clutch the baby to her chest not feeding or changing him and he'd have to call the police to extract the baby from her arms, so difficult child could be fed. </p><p> </p><p>difficult child remembers those drives when they ran out of gas and the police came and took his mother away. He was afraid for a long time whenever the gas guage moved on the car and had significant abandonment issues for a long time. There was one time his mother was baker acted in a lowe's parking lot and he was too young to identify himself and the police asked him to show them which car was his, and they traced my husband that way. </p><p> </p><p>Even with all this history, my husband had a hard time getting full custody.</p><p> </p><p>His personality as a baby was normal and he hit all his developmental markers on time. I've been taking camcorder recordings of him since Xmas 2003, and when you look at him evolve through the years, you can see a progression of something wrong. </p><p> </p><p>Unfortunately no one knows what it is or how to fix it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WSM, post: 240258, member: 5169"] The therapist recommended a residential school for emotionally disturbed kids. The school turned him down, probably because he was beyond their abilities (there is a lot of skating around the possibility that he has his bio-mom's mental illness and a personality disorder; but you can't officially be diagnosis'd with a personality disorder until you are 18, so people just drop him and wish us luck with him). They gave us a list of state resources. This is a military school paid for by the state for ESE students from 5th grade to 12th. It however is not really a miliarty school. It has an awesome WIlderness Weekend (think Scared Straight), but actually it's about 30 - 40 students and maybe 10 staff; some who are ex military. It's licensed and certified by the state, and difficult child has a good personalized lesson plan; but the military aspect is pretty lax. Their transportation is always late, they don't enforce their own rules, and they have a weird school schedule where all of a sudden the school will be closed the next day but they won't tell the parents until the night before. He's supposed to be getting therapy, but I think he's not. They are evasive, and because I'm just the stepmother, and supposedly one who's so meeeeeeean to him, I don't push it. I pick him up at school everyday and get definite vibes that they buy at least some of his story. But I think they are charging the state for therapy and don't have any one qualified to give it. It's got a reputation for being tough, but is haphazard. The value to us is even if difficult child does something stupid again like take another knife to school, they will probably handle it internally (provided he doesn't threaten someone). The regular school has to report it, which means he's arrested--and the State Attorney General has already said the next arrest will mean mandatory juvenile detention for difficult child. This worries us. He's a skinny little white boy with red hair who cries easily and feels sorry for himself. He won't last long in state juvenile detention. If difficult child goes to detention center we are scared he'll be destroyed; I don't know how we could possibly get back the same kid. It will make all his problems so much worse. No, he's not on medications. The last child psychiatrist wanted to hold off as long as possible. difficult child does not tantrum, so his problems seem less compelling to many professionals. He'll get another full assessment done this summer. I am too. He's also drawn a picture of himself stabbing his sister while his head explodes and his dad hanging upside down and me scowling angrily. He's also ripped a bean bag chair apart with his knife and twice knifed his mattress and bedding. He once said he wished he was dead; and at summer camp he once banged his head repeatedly against a table. The staff couldn't get him to stop, so they put paper under his head. When he did stop he pulled out the hair on his arms. Oddly enough they never thought to tell us about this. He has also self reported that he knocks his head against coke machines and a door frame. He only told me this because I saw a mark of his face, a thin line. I thought it was either a pencil line or a bruise. He said it was a bruise and that he liked to hit his head. A few months ago, he got caught hiding my husband's cell phone in a box of hot chocolate packets. My husband didn't realize what he was doing and said, what are you doing, you're supposed to be in bed. A few minutes later he went upstairs to make sure difficult child was in bed and difficult child was anxious and hitting his head softly against something, saying, I'm afraid I'm going to be in trouble. (but he didn't confess about the cell phone--we found it the next day). Oddly enough, two different professionals have said pictures and this stuff aren't necessarily alarming. You have to look at the whole behavior, and in whole, difficult child is very passive and timid seeming. I think it's a problem, no one else seems to. He's my husband's biological child from his first wife who has severe mental illness. She goes into psychosis several times a year, is homeless, getting committed, lives in halfway houses, tries to rebuild her life, goes back into psychosis, an endless cycle. difficult child talks to her about three times a year on the phone for a minute or two and last saw her a year ago and probably won't see her again for a long time. We are a blended family. I have three boys 19, 17, and 14; husband has difficult child 12, and stepdaughter 8. My handle WSM stands for wicked stepmother because that's how difficult child portrays me. I've been in their lives since daughter was 3 and difficult child was 6. The family blending was not really a problem except for difficult child and oddly enough my mother in law. (she's a whole nother story, fortunately lives far away). None of the kids see their non-custodial parents (my X is an alcoholic in another state who doesn't pay CS and is hiding). My husband had full custody of the kids since daughter was a couple weeks old and difficult child was 3 and a half. difficult child got a rough start. His mother's instability led her to suddenly flee, get in the car with the kids and drive, and on six occasions he was taken into protective custody while she was being Baker Acted. Three times he was put into foster homes. My husband has told the story of how when difficult child was a baby, she'd get 'sick' and for days clutch the baby to her chest not feeding or changing him and he'd have to call the police to extract the baby from her arms, so difficult child could be fed. difficult child remembers those drives when they ran out of gas and the police came and took his mother away. He was afraid for a long time whenever the gas guage moved on the car and had significant abandonment issues for a long time. There was one time his mother was baker acted in a lowe's parking lot and he was too young to identify himself and the police asked him to show them which car was his, and they traced my husband that way. Even with all this history, my husband had a hard time getting full custody. His personality as a baby was normal and he hit all his developmental markers on time. I've been taking camcorder recordings of him since Xmas 2003, and when you look at him evolve through the years, you can see a progression of something wrong. Unfortunately no one knows what it is or how to fix it. [/QUOTE]
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