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Unconditional love?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 653319" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>This is going to sound so rotten. You need to counter those feelings, Lil. You can talk at him, you can move heaven and earth from your end, but once you have done all you know, it will be your son who truly decides what happens next.</p><p></p><p>Fight the fear, Lil.</p><p></p><p>Even if you can only let go of it five minutes at a time, try to breathe your way out of fear or worry. Do what you can, do all you can, and then <em>let go.</em></p><p></p><p>Let go of the outcome.</p><p></p><p>The rhythms of the Serenity Prayer seem to help. Someone very wise once told me to read it until I got it. </p><p></p><p>I did that.</p><p></p><p>It helped.</p><p></p><p>God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.</p><p></p><p>There are some things we cannot change.</p><p></p><p>It's like being gutted.</p><p></p><p>Never let them see you sweat.</p><p></p><p>That is why you have us.</p><p></p><p>We are very good at sweating things out together.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Try to see yourself interacting with your child from a place outside yourself during this dinner. Understand you will journal or post here about it later.</p><p></p><p>You will feel alone, but you are not alone, because you have us.</p><p></p><p>A very hard thing.</p><p></p><p>An ugly story.</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Good for you. Stand right up. <em>You are his mother.</em> He has no right to speak to you that way.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You are caught in a place where this child has power over you through your fear for his future. The only way to be free, as I see it, is to begin believing <em>and speaking to the child</em> as though these things have already happened<em> and you are fine with his choices regarding those issues.</em></p><p></p><p>I think that is something that might get this kid to take it seriously.</p><p></p><p>Change the way you talk with him about what he does and whether and how your life will be affected by it. Communicate that clearly to him and then, learn to believe it yourself. Find things that help you remember to be strong in the ways you have chosen and post them on the fridge or carry them in index cards in your purse.</p><p></p><p>These are your weapons, the things that will help you see this differently and that will get you through it. I know you two go to church. How did the Mary face what was happening, and face what was to happen, to her Son?</p><p></p><p>How in the world did she do that.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Begin talking about taking a vacation during the time of his court date, like you forgot how important he is. Like you actually forgot all about him when you planned it. Wonder how that would affect him, to think that you and Jabber are starting to pick up the rhythms of your lives without giving him much thought, at all?</p><p></p><p>That would be best for you, anyway.</p><p></p><p>You are new to this. You are doing great, but this part is very, very hard.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry, Lil and Jabber.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 653319, member: 17461"] This is going to sound so rotten. You need to counter those feelings, Lil. You can talk at him, you can move heaven and earth from your end, but once you have done all you know, it will be your son who truly decides what happens next. Fight the fear, Lil. Even if you can only let go of it five minutes at a time, try to breathe your way out of fear or worry. Do what you can, do all you can, and then [I]let go.[/I] Let go of the outcome. The rhythms of the Serenity Prayer seem to help. Someone very wise once told me to read it until I got it. I did that. It helped. God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference. There are some things we cannot change. It's like being gutted. Never let them see you sweat. That is why you have us. We are very good at sweating things out together. :O) Try to see yourself interacting with your child from a place outside yourself during this dinner. Understand you will journal or post here about it later. You will feel alone, but you are not alone, because you have us. A very hard thing. An ugly story. I'm so sorry. Good for you. Stand right up. [I]You are his mother.[/I] He has no right to speak to you that way. You are caught in a place where this child has power over you through your fear for his future. The only way to be free, as I see it, is to begin believing [I]and speaking to the child[/I] as though these things have already happened[I] and you are fine with his choices regarding those issues.[/I] I think that is something that might get this kid to take it seriously. Change the way you talk with him about what he does and whether and how your life will be affected by it. Communicate that clearly to him and then, learn to believe it yourself. Find things that help you remember to be strong in the ways you have chosen and post them on the fridge or carry them in index cards in your purse. These are your weapons, the things that will help you see this differently and that will get you through it. I know you two go to church. How did the Mary face what was happening, and face what was to happen, to her Son? How in the world did she do that. *** Begin talking about taking a vacation during the time of his court date, like you forgot how important he is. Like you actually forgot all about him when you planned it. Wonder how that would affect him, to think that you and Jabber are starting to pick up the rhythms of your lives without giving him much thought, at all? That would be best for you, anyway. You are new to this. You are doing great, but this part is very, very hard. I am sorry, Lil and Jabber. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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