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General Parenting
Uncontrollable 17yr old
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<blockquote data-quote="ksm" data-source="post: 703315" data-attributes="member: 12511"><p>I was hoping someone wiser than I am would respond first. </p><p></p><p>Just his history of being raised by different family members, for reasons I am not aware of, could be some of his problems. Our granddaughters spent a year in foster care when they were 3 and 5 has caused them issues...not sure if fear of abandonment, or attachment issues, but has definitely made them less sure of them selves, and willing to fall in to the wrong groups of kids. It is like they are desperate to fit in some where, but it never lasts long. Also depression and anxiety. They you toss in genetics and family history on they ended up on the short end of the stick.</p><p></p><p>One thing I wished I had done differently was to have had more therapy for me. The kids had therapists... But many times, they did not share much info with me. I tried kindness and tenderness, tough love, boundaries, practically became a private investigator to try to find out what was going on.</p><p></p><p>The other thing, natural consequences...even if I had to make them happen. I am at the point now that is the 16yo sneaks out, I will call the police. If I find drug paraphanalia I will call the police. </p><p></p><p>The problem is, sometimes the police just brings them back home...and no consequences!! I have talked to the intake specialist at the teen shelter, and she told me to refuse to let the police drop her off. Or, the shelter will call and say to come pick up your child. She said if I refuse, the child has to go before the juvenile judge in 3 business days... And is more likely to get court services involved, like a case manager, and a probation offices, and routine drug testing.</p><p></p><p>My problem is that I have a lovely, bright 16yo who can manipulate with the best of them. She can have you thinking you are crazy...and everyone else thinking that too.</p><p></p><p>Good luck... KSM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ksm, post: 703315, member: 12511"] I was hoping someone wiser than I am would respond first. Just his history of being raised by different family members, for reasons I am not aware of, could be some of his problems. Our granddaughters spent a year in foster care when they were 3 and 5 has caused them issues...not sure if fear of abandonment, or attachment issues, but has definitely made them less sure of them selves, and willing to fall in to the wrong groups of kids. It is like they are desperate to fit in some where, but it never lasts long. Also depression and anxiety. They you toss in genetics and family history on they ended up on the short end of the stick. One thing I wished I had done differently was to have had more therapy for me. The kids had therapists... But many times, they did not share much info with me. I tried kindness and tenderness, tough love, boundaries, practically became a private investigator to try to find out what was going on. The other thing, natural consequences...even if I had to make them happen. I am at the point now that is the 16yo sneaks out, I will call the police. If I find drug paraphanalia I will call the police. The problem is, sometimes the police just brings them back home...and no consequences!! I have talked to the intake specialist at the teen shelter, and she told me to refuse to let the police drop her off. Or, the shelter will call and say to come pick up your child. She said if I refuse, the child has to go before the juvenile judge in 3 business days... And is more likely to get court services involved, like a case manager, and a probation offices, and routine drug testing. My problem is that I have a lovely, bright 16yo who can manipulate with the best of them. She can have you thinking you are crazy...and everyone else thinking that too. Good luck... KSM [/QUOTE]
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