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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 571106" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>I'm not going to toss in my advice because I don't "know" you or your husband or your daughter personally. After raising eight teens in two different generations I know alot about teen topics. The one thing I totally know is that each teen is different and the approach has to be customized to their personality and the environment of the family. As you read the responses you can obviousy tell that not all families react the same. There is no one right way..for sure!</p><p></p><p>In my family I always picked up difficult children and PCs as soon as called. Not only that I had a family method that allowed them each to get out of uncomfortable situations by blaming me for insisting they call home to find out what their curfew was that day or night. Once I received "the" call I would say "I'm sorry but you need to come home now." They never had to whisper what was going on..the call meant "Mom, come." It worked for us.</p><p></p><p>In my family I never raised my voice or lectured at the time of the problem. "We'll talk tomorrow when we both feel better." I did stress "I am so glad you are safe as we love you so much." The delayed punishment stage gave me time to think and more importantly it gave them time to think too. That doesn't mean there were no consequences or hard feelings etc. It's just better when you have time to sleep and think before acting.</p><p></p><p>Personally I have never rewarded teens for making good choice with anything other than a hug or a "good job" etc. I honestly don't think in terms of tangible rewards so it would never occur to me. Not saying it's wrong..just not me.</p><p>Although "your way" and "my way" are not the same they are both based on love. It would be great if there was a web site or an app that parents of teens could access pdq saying "what it the right thing to do when ???" LOL DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 571106, member: 35"] I'm not going to toss in my advice because I don't "know" you or your husband or your daughter personally. After raising eight teens in two different generations I know alot about teen topics. The one thing I totally know is that each teen is different and the approach has to be customized to their personality and the environment of the family. As you read the responses you can obviousy tell that not all families react the same. There is no one right way..for sure! In my family I always picked up difficult children and PCs as soon as called. Not only that I had a family method that allowed them each to get out of uncomfortable situations by blaming me for insisting they call home to find out what their curfew was that day or night. Once I received "the" call I would say "I'm sorry but you need to come home now." They never had to whisper what was going on..the call meant "Mom, come." It worked for us. In my family I never raised my voice or lectured at the time of the problem. "We'll talk tomorrow when we both feel better." I did stress "I am so glad you are safe as we love you so much." The delayed punishment stage gave me time to think and more importantly it gave them time to think too. That doesn't mean there were no consequences or hard feelings etc. It's just better when you have time to sleep and think before acting. Personally I have never rewarded teens for making good choice with anything other than a hug or a "good job" etc. I honestly don't think in terms of tangible rewards so it would never occur to me. Not saying it's wrong..just not me. Although "your way" and "my way" are not the same they are both based on love. It would be great if there was a web site or an app that parents of teens could access pdq saying "what it the right thing to do when ???" LOL DDD [/QUOTE]
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