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General Parenting
Understanding the pressure points
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 462962" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>I am just thinking this evening that one of the things I have perhaps been misunderstanding about J is the notion I have that difficulties are expressed often or consistently and so when they are not that is "confusing" or bizarre... In fact, I think J is not puzzling. He is basically a nice-natured kid, as many people have remarked on. But what happens is that in the moment of intense frustration or anger, he is moved by an impulse of anxiety/desire to control and becomes very hostile and rude and unmanageable. Then the moment goes and he is back to being his usual sweet self... </p><p>Tonight was not a very good evening... Those children staying in the village! Thankfully they are leaving on Tuesday. They go to bed late and always ask if J is going out to play after supper - which of course upsets him when I say no... Anyway, tears and protest tonight when it was time to go in for supper and bed at 8 - he ran away to lower down in the village, sat down crying and shouting, refusing to come. What do you do? After various failed attempts, I ended up picking him up and carrying him... not easy up inclines of dizzyingly steep gradients... Then he was too heavy for me and sat down refusing to move again. I got cross again, tapped him on the side of the head (no comment), which of course made him really cry - but did also make him come... Then he refused to get undressed once inside and I got cross again... He ended up sobbing saying he wanted to talk to Daddy (which he did and they had a nice conversation)... </p><p>Really I am chasing red herrings seeing the difficulties as part of J's character. He isn't choosing to be Damned Difficult. Still doesn't stop me getting cross...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 462962, member: 11227"] I am just thinking this evening that one of the things I have perhaps been misunderstanding about J is the notion I have that difficulties are expressed often or consistently and so when they are not that is "confusing" or bizarre... In fact, I think J is not puzzling. He is basically a nice-natured kid, as many people have remarked on. But what happens is that in the moment of intense frustration or anger, he is moved by an impulse of anxiety/desire to control and becomes very hostile and rude and unmanageable. Then the moment goes and he is back to being his usual sweet self... Tonight was not a very good evening... Those children staying in the village! Thankfully they are leaving on Tuesday. They go to bed late and always ask if J is going out to play after supper - which of course upsets him when I say no... Anyway, tears and protest tonight when it was time to go in for supper and bed at 8 - he ran away to lower down in the village, sat down crying and shouting, refusing to come. What do you do? After various failed attempts, I ended up picking him up and carrying him... not easy up inclines of dizzyingly steep gradients... Then he was too heavy for me and sat down refusing to move again. I got cross again, tapped him on the side of the head (no comment), which of course made him really cry - but did also make him come... Then he refused to get undressed once inside and I got cross again... He ended up sobbing saying he wanted to talk to Daddy (which he did and they had a nice conversation)... Really I am chasing red herrings seeing the difficulties as part of J's character. He isn't choosing to be Damned Difficult. Still doesn't stop me getting cross... [/QUOTE]
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