Unhappy with what I have to do tomorrow

[Star*]

Critter,

Even though you have been a member of this community for a short period of time, my Mom heart went out to you via this post yesterday. My son is just now 18, but time and time over the years we've had to also "ship" him to places to "help" him and there were times we packed his bag or talked about going we both ended up crying. There were other times he left out of my yard in a state car stating he was SOoooooo glad to be out of there.

Please don't ever think you are alone in your wonder of WHAT or HOW or WHO or WHERE, or WHEN. Those 5 w's hit us all every day about our children and their future, their present and their past. I think most of us could tell you we've literally held our breath at some of the things we were told HAD to occur for our children to grow and mature. I know I have. (makes me an excellent diver - lol) ugh.

I think your reOST about your son's looking forward to it says an enormous lot about where he is mentally and WANTING so badly to mature and be a part of the adult world. When you take care of them for so long and OVER take care of their needs due to trying to make EVERYONE or ANYONE understand your child? It wears you out. And then you feel guilty because ya just can't help but wonder WHAT IF I HAD.....?

But Thursday is Independence day for your son. He's moving to his own apartment, he'll have his own things surrounding him and like any other college age kid on campus - he'll have a couple of roommates he can make life long bonds with. Friendship is so rare for our kids - until they find other kids like themselves with similar uniqunesses.

So Mom - come Thursday - remember when you walk into that place - it IS NOT going to look like home. It's not going to smell like home or be clean like home. However it IS going to resemble a dormitory - and kids his age LIVE for things like that - probably would drag a fridge box out into the back yard if it meant a home of their own. lol. So just keep in mind - this is HIS home and he'll make something out of it. And he can always come to visit.

Let his room sit empty for a while - no need to rush into making it into a thing. That was so painful for me. I grabbed a shirt that smelled like Dude and sat on the edge of his bed, with it up to my face, inhaled and bawled like a baby for a long time. I left the shirt there.....and when I was ready? I moved the things out - donated some things....and turned it into my office. (I turned my office into a closet for ME).

Take plenty of tissue with you - and tell him we're so proud of his big move. OFF to a new adventure!!!!! Way to go Bud!

Hugs
Star

 

[Critter Lover]

Thanks klmno, Chelle and Star for your support in my decision. klmno.....yes it does sound like a win/win situation. Chelle.....I think it will be welcome relief to be empty nesters for the hell we have had to endure for this year. Star....Thanks for all you said and I know from reading all the posts that this will be an independence for him as well as for us. His support coordinator is telling me that he will run out of his state funds by January but she said that the state would not put him out on the streets....they would be forced to make a decision on what tier placement so he can either stay there or be moved to a group home. All this depends on how he can make it in the arrangements that we are placing him in. Thinking positive thoughts that he will make this work.

 

[butterflydreams]

I am so sorry that you had to make this really hard decision. You are doing what you feel is best, just remember that.

Sending big hugs of support.

Christy

 

[meowbunny]

It really does hurt when they move out. You're lonely. You wonder if you did the right thing in forcing them move. Amazingly, our kids usually do remarkably well. I gave my daughter a choice last year -- move out or let me kill her. Not sure why, but she opted to move. Found a roommate, a nice apartment and is doing okay there. Yes, it's a crash pad for friends, the beer bottles abound, the place makes a pigsty look spotless but she's working, she gets mad at her roomie for bringing home a flavor of the week girl, for the messes he doesn't clean up, etc. She visits me often and stays for days. When I've had enough of her, I send her back to her place. We get along much better, we talk, we laugh, we're becoming friends.

Personally, I think we're doing our kids a favor when we finally shove them out of the nest. They may be afraid to go but if they have no choice and no there is little chance they'll be able to come home, they do manage to survive and many of our kids actually grow up.

So, I think that in long run you're doing the best thing. Not only for you but for your son. He is an adult. He will have to learn how to live on his own or at least live without all of mommy's supports one day. Better he learn it now than when you're no longer to help him. Having a place for him to go with some real supports is a great thing. That he is seeing the pluses to this place makes it even better. Ya done good!

 

[Star*]

Critter -

Does he get SSI? - how about local and federal grant programs? Anything to help offset the cost?

 

[TerryJ2]

This is sounding better all the time. I especially like the part where he hoped these young men would become his best friends. Very exciting!
I've got my fingers crossed for Thursday and many, many days after that.

 

[Critter Lover]

Star.....yes he gets SSDI since he worked 2 3/4 years before he got fired.
He just started getting the disability pay back in June of this year and they even went back to June of last year for back pay. He gets more now than the fractional amount he was getting from SSI. They will have to notify SSI about his living arrangement change and if they have to adjust his SSDI money for that then they will. They will work with vocational rehabilation to get him another job that will not frustrate him on multiple task and keep something that is more routine level. He is on tier 4 with the State of Florida which only gives them $14,000 a year for services. I was just informed that he was approved for the 30 days to move and now they are pushing for tier 2 or 3 for supported living funds from the state so he will have a place to live. They will try to get him a job to work at least 25 hours a week so he will feel like he can function in society and maybe have some kind of spending money to do some fun stuff.

Terry....yes it is very exciting that he made a positive statement. I am hoping and praying that he stays positive and looks at this as another new chapter in his life to becoming independent as well as he can become.....heck he might prove to me that he is great at being independent. Nothing would please me more and give me a calm peace of mind for his future.

 

[KTMom91]

I'm so glad he's looking ahead so positively! What an exciting time for him. Sounds like this program will be good for him, and give you some peace of mind. Many hugs. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you on Thursday.