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Unhooking from drama
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 652749" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>Drama is exhausting, isn't it? Hate it. </p><p></p><p>I was surrounded by chaos and drama for so many years I didn't know what it was like to live without it. This is a tricky spot for the parent of a difficult kid - there is a bizarre sort of "comfort" in the chaos, because it's all we know. Stepping outside that comfort zone into the drama-free zone is a scary place to be at first. We don't know what to do with ourselves, with our brains, when we're not reacting to the Crisis of the Moment. I had to learn a whole new way of thinking, and teach myself (with the help of a wonderful therapist) to step back when drama got stirred up again. I don't have to step into that Circle of Chaos. I can stay on the outside, and let things unfold/spin without me. I've learned to become a detached observer - my kids are adults. They don't need me to fix anything. They don't need me to tell them what to do. They don't even need me to approve of what they're doing. It's none of my business, really. Their problems are not my problems. When I step back and stay out, they figure it out on their own. And the more they figure it out on their own, the less then involve me. Win-win. </p><p></p><p>That sounds so good, so easy, when I write it down - but I still slip up occasionally. That's why I still check in with my counselor monthly or so, so she can kick my butt when I'm slipping. She's like my personal trainer, for my psyche <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 652749, member: 1157"] Drama is exhausting, isn't it? Hate it. I was surrounded by chaos and drama for so many years I didn't know what it was like to live without it. This is a tricky spot for the parent of a difficult kid - there is a bizarre sort of "comfort" in the chaos, because it's all we know. Stepping outside that comfort zone into the drama-free zone is a scary place to be at first. We don't know what to do with ourselves, with our brains, when we're not reacting to the Crisis of the Moment. I had to learn a whole new way of thinking, and teach myself (with the help of a wonderful therapist) to step back when drama got stirred up again. I don't have to step into that Circle of Chaos. I can stay on the outside, and let things unfold/spin without me. I've learned to become a detached observer - my kids are adults. They don't need me to fix anything. They don't need me to tell them what to do. They don't even need me to approve of what they're doing. It's none of my business, really. Their problems are not my problems. When I step back and stay out, they figure it out on their own. And the more they figure it out on their own, the less then involve me. Win-win. That sounds so good, so easy, when I write it down - but I still slip up occasionally. That's why I still check in with my counselor monthly or so, so she can kick my butt when I'm slipping. She's like my personal trainer, for my psyche :) [/QUOTE]
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