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<blockquote data-quote="Waitingforamiracle" data-source="post: 761524" data-attributes="member: 25449"><p>Copa, I can't thank you enough for this response, it made me cry (in a good way). It puts my feelings into such eloquent words. Yes you are like me, but you are also like everyone here, and that is because you are so empathetic. You take all our feelings and experiences on, and have such a deep well of experience yourself to reflect upon and provide examples from. Plus that, you are educated, wise and analytical and we are all so lucky that you take the time to respond in such useful and sympathetic ways! I wish I could show this to my husband, unfortunately, I think he is much like M. What most would call 'old school'. </p><p><strong>"Maybe you felt overwhelmed or feared he would check you". </strong>Yes - he said to me, I would not have stopped you, how could I? But he would not have agreed to it, and that would be checking me, for how can you go against your partner's decision, except defiantly (triggering the exact same fight), secretly, or at least as a 'fait accompli'?</p><p>Yes he is rational, controlling up to a point, it's a self defence mechanism. He does have narcissistic traits. He is old school masculine, doesn't clean up round the house etc and is rather self absorbed. (I am also a strong personality and have a good practical business head, and I'm currently starting/building my new business at age 60, so I'm fine - I don't want anyone thinking I'm being too downtrodden!) So although he can be a difficult person to live with, we've been together for 40 years, we'll survive. Love is love, yes yes, it's so hard. All we can do is try. Many many thanks Copa ! Please, never leave!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Waitingforamiracle, post: 761524, member: 25449"] Copa, I can't thank you enough for this response, it made me cry (in a good way). It puts my feelings into such eloquent words. Yes you are like me, but you are also like everyone here, and that is because you are so empathetic. You take all our feelings and experiences on, and have such a deep well of experience yourself to reflect upon and provide examples from. Plus that, you are educated, wise and analytical and we are all so lucky that you take the time to respond in such useful and sympathetic ways! I wish I could show this to my husband, unfortunately, I think he is much like M. What most would call 'old school'. [B]"Maybe you felt overwhelmed or feared he would check you". [/B]Yes - he said to me, I would not have stopped you, how could I? But he would not have agreed to it, and that would be checking me, for how can you go against your partner's decision, except defiantly (triggering the exact same fight), secretly, or at least as a 'fait accompli'? Yes he is rational, controlling up to a point, it's a self defence mechanism. He does have narcissistic traits. He is old school masculine, doesn't clean up round the house etc and is rather self absorbed. (I am also a strong personality and have a good practical business head, and I'm currently starting/building my new business at age 60, so I'm fine - I don't want anyone thinking I'm being too downtrodden!) So although he can be a difficult person to live with, we've been together for 40 years, we'll survive. Love is love, yes yes, it's so hard. All we can do is try. Many many thanks Copa ! Please, never leave! [/QUOTE]
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