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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 761536" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>Hubs and I are having a somewhat related discussion. I almost always held the line with daughter. Logical consequences and all that. Well into the teens. I was not excessive, but normal things like if she was abusive on the phone …she can’t use the phone for a day. Things like this. I found her exhausting. As she got older, things got much more stressful and consequential. I did my best to think of meaningful , appropriate and logical consequences without them being too harsh. on the other hand, hubby rarely did this. At some point, my autoimmune illnesses flared as well. He , at the very least subconsciously, felt this logical consequences “stuff” was a waste of time in her case AND exhausting. So he often did not do anything of the sorts and of course she ended up thinking he was great snd me the devil. She was calling (no exaggeration ) 15 times a day snd he would not put a boundary on that and occasionally would mess up work related matters. I would tell her stop calling me…you can call after 5. If she called before 5 , I would block her until 5. She would cuss at him and he would barely react. Then five minutes later she would ask for $10 for something and he would send it to her because he was about to go into a meeting and didn’t want to be bothered. I understand why he did some of these things. He is over retirement age and still working. It’s too tiring. In a certain way…he was also afraid of her. Afraid of not only the destruction she would reign upon him, but herself snd maybe others. Maybe he knew her better than I did. A friend suggested to me since I had pulled back significantly from her care, I was in no position to say much. However…her behavior seems to have worsened. And now she is totally and completely abusive. Any Hope of understanding cause snd effect reasoning is gone. He thinks the hope was bordering on zero anyway. And he might be right. As a mom…I would of liked that teeny tiny bit of “hope..”. Ugh. She thinks she can get away with anything. Her mental illness seems to have escalated and she is scary. She texted fir Christmas “I hope your tree burns down.” It’s a nightmare. (We turned the ohone off and had a good Christmas anyway). It’s all understandable. We love our kids and don’t want them to suffer. The meet me halfway situation I’ve described here before might be a good compromise when do-able. But their ability to understand cause snd effect reasoning and boundaries ….ultra important.</p><p></p><p>Busy…omg. ((((Hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 761536, member: 4152"] Hubs and I are having a somewhat related discussion. I almost always held the line with daughter. Logical consequences and all that. Well into the teens. I was not excessive, but normal things like if she was abusive on the phone …she can’t use the phone for a day. Things like this. I found her exhausting. As she got older, things got much more stressful and consequential. I did my best to think of meaningful , appropriate and logical consequences without them being too harsh. on the other hand, hubby rarely did this. At some point, my autoimmune illnesses flared as well. He , at the very least subconsciously, felt this logical consequences “stuff” was a waste of time in her case AND exhausting. So he often did not do anything of the sorts and of course she ended up thinking he was great snd me the devil. She was calling (no exaggeration ) 15 times a day snd he would not put a boundary on that and occasionally would mess up work related matters. I would tell her stop calling me…you can call after 5. If she called before 5 , I would block her until 5. She would cuss at him and he would barely react. Then five minutes later she would ask for $10 for something and he would send it to her because he was about to go into a meeting and didn’t want to be bothered. I understand why he did some of these things. He is over retirement age and still working. It’s too tiring. In a certain way…he was also afraid of her. Afraid of not only the destruction she would reign upon him, but herself snd maybe others. Maybe he knew her better than I did. A friend suggested to me since I had pulled back significantly from her care, I was in no position to say much. However…her behavior seems to have worsened. And now she is totally and completely abusive. Any Hope of understanding cause snd effect reasoning is gone. He thinks the hope was bordering on zero anyway. And he might be right. As a mom…I would of liked that teeny tiny bit of “hope..”. Ugh. She thinks she can get away with anything. Her mental illness seems to have escalated and she is scary. She texted fir Christmas “I hope your tree burns down.” It’s a nightmare. (We turned the ohone off and had a good Christmas anyway). It’s all understandable. We love our kids and don’t want them to suffer. The meet me halfway situation I’ve described here before might be a good compromise when do-able. But their ability to understand cause snd effect reasoning and boundaries ….ultra important. Busy…omg. ((((Hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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