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Unsettling realizations of Sammys future
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 109630" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I was thinking that too, about the smiling when he uses nonsense words. We smile for many reasons - sometimes because we are happy, sometimes because we are nervous, sometimes because we feel safe and relaxed.</p><p></p><p>I still think (sorry Dara) that this isn't primarily to cause you distress. I do think he is smiling because he is relaxing her and doing this to take pressure off himself at some level. Plus, yes I think you are right - it is a game. But a happy game he is trying to play, because sometimes life is so hard.</p><p></p><p>I do understand that you are venting here and trying to not let it 'break through' in your dealings with him. Thank you for reassuring me, it is so difficult to put aside feelings that our child is being deliberately obstructive when it often seems this is what is happening. </p><p></p><p>Your son sounds so much like difficult child 3 at the same age. Although your son sounds further along with his language. Only a bit, though. And it is a worry when they seem to stop progressing, and you wonder if they'll EVER learn anything more. I remember the sense of utter desperation and panic I felt, when I couldn't get any help for him and at the same time i was being questioned by DOCS (our equivalent of CPS) for alleged neglect (due to his language delay). Very frustrating.</p><p></p><p>Your son also sounds extremely intelligent, despite the "developmental delay". That touch of humour you describe, some of the other things - I suspect there's more going on in that head than has been credited by those assessing him. And again, we saw this with difficult child 3 - he 'failed' his first IQ test, they told us he was "borderline" and would never be able to go to a 'normal' school. </p><p></p><p>All I can share with you, is what worked for us. But something for you to hold on to - by watching him, observing what he had an affinity for and using that as the starting block, I worked things out for myself. I went to where he was and started from there. In difficult child 3's case that was letters and numbers. Your son will have his own point of contact.</p><p></p><p>We do have to change our methods for kids like ours, because they seem to learn in totally unexpected ways. I also studied child education (in a former life) as well as helped raise my sisters' kids; difficult child 3 was totally different and I was caught unawares. We struggled until we realised that if we continued to butt heads then we, the parents would lose - and that would be a disaster. Now he's almost 14 I read about children like your son, and remember - with amazement. </p><p></p><p>I wish I could meet your son. I wish you could meet mine.</p><p></p><p>And feel free to vent away, that's what this board is for. But we all tend to want to fix things - I guess it's how we're driven. Sometimes we need to learn to just listen. Not easy!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 109630, member: 1991"] I was thinking that too, about the smiling when he uses nonsense words. We smile for many reasons - sometimes because we are happy, sometimes because we are nervous, sometimes because we feel safe and relaxed. I still think (sorry Dara) that this isn't primarily to cause you distress. I do think he is smiling because he is relaxing her and doing this to take pressure off himself at some level. Plus, yes I think you are right - it is a game. But a happy game he is trying to play, because sometimes life is so hard. I do understand that you are venting here and trying to not let it 'break through' in your dealings with him. Thank you for reassuring me, it is so difficult to put aside feelings that our child is being deliberately obstructive when it often seems this is what is happening. Your son sounds so much like difficult child 3 at the same age. Although your son sounds further along with his language. Only a bit, though. And it is a worry when they seem to stop progressing, and you wonder if they'll EVER learn anything more. I remember the sense of utter desperation and panic I felt, when I couldn't get any help for him and at the same time i was being questioned by DOCS (our equivalent of CPS) for alleged neglect (due to his language delay). Very frustrating. Your son also sounds extremely intelligent, despite the "developmental delay". That touch of humour you describe, some of the other things - I suspect there's more going on in that head than has been credited by those assessing him. And again, we saw this with difficult child 3 - he 'failed' his first IQ test, they told us he was "borderline" and would never be able to go to a 'normal' school. All I can share with you, is what worked for us. But something for you to hold on to - by watching him, observing what he had an affinity for and using that as the starting block, I worked things out for myself. I went to where he was and started from there. In difficult child 3's case that was letters and numbers. Your son will have his own point of contact. We do have to change our methods for kids like ours, because they seem to learn in totally unexpected ways. I also studied child education (in a former life) as well as helped raise my sisters' kids; difficult child 3 was totally different and I was caught unawares. We struggled until we realised that if we continued to butt heads then we, the parents would lose - and that would be a disaster. Now he's almost 14 I read about children like your son, and remember - with amazement. I wish I could meet your son. I wish you could meet mine. And feel free to vent away, that's what this board is for. But we all tend to want to fix things - I guess it's how we're driven. Sometimes we need to learn to just listen. Not easy! Marg [/QUOTE]
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