Update 17yp Hurting Family

[sstick0529]

So husband and I went to the Department of Juvenile Justice office today. We were informed that the services we requested and were DENIED, had actually been implimentd 5 1/2 hours away from our home. We wanted a residential program that could allow a re-unfication of our family with therapy and other people, and we could slowing bring him back into the home. They told us this was not an option. We proceeded to call DSS, and they were more than willing to get involved, but Department of Juvenile Justice wouldn't contact them. He was removed from the boot camp program on 6/5 and has been n a theraputic foster home without our knowledge over 5 1/2 hours away. Of course being a large family we do not have the means to drive that far for visits, and now the therapists here can not work with him prior to him returning to our home. They have said "We bought you another month, now get it together. He is with a loving christian family, and he got himself a job." Now: 1. Someone hired him to work for 30 days???? 2.There is no way family re-unification can work from 5 1/2 hours away 3.What is "buying" us another month when we are scared due to violent episodes? 4. How does someone take a child you have custody for 5 1/2 hours away without your knowledge 5. We still don't know exactly where he is at and have no way to contact him. UUUGGGGHHHHH I am so exhausted, and now worried. This Department of Juvenile Justice worker seems to be over stepping her reach, and has no concern for what would be in the best interest of all parties involved. She also talked to his biological mother (whom gave up her rights to me) and told her "I got him a job." Well I had gotten him a job to, but he chose to not go to work and hang out in the street. These people keep making us feel like horrible people, when we do love and care about him, but just can not handle his violence. Oh well, I am about to retain an attorney and flat out file a law suit against the great State of South Carollina!

 

[buddy]

Wow I bet you can relate to klmno's posts ...do a search and you'll see what I mean. A few others here too. I'm so sorry. Seems as though the justice system knows nothing about kids who are wired differently. I know nothing about this personally but wish you better days and sending prayers up for you.

 

[DDD]

Sending strength your way. It's a terrible quandry but if you are honest and using your brain/heart I have to hope that your son will benefit as well as the rest of the family. Hugs. DDD

PS: Don't forget to make a daily record of events to "prove" your deligence.

 

[Hound dog]

I'm going to wind up sounding like a broken record. LOL You dug in your heels and called their bluff. Which is why he is where he is now. Now? You go mega stubborn. You don't budge an inch. Why? Because you have the safety and welfare of the rest of the family to consider. That is your first priority right now. They meet your terms or he doesn't return. He's close enough to 18 that they know they're not really going to push the issue.

He got a job? Well, in any new situation there is the honeymoon phase. Foster parents will see his true colors soon enough in one way or another. I doubt he's fooling them. Even if he is, he can't keep it up forever.

Don't let it get to you. I know that's hard to do but you're doing/done your best for this child and you can't erase his past. That is something he has to deal with on his own when he's ready.

Like DDD said, keep records of all you're doing ect. Paper trails are important. Then I'd sit down with your husband and decide under exactly what circumstances you would consider allowing difficult child back into the home, what rules would also be in place, what would be expected of HIM once he moves in and while he's living there. If you get all this mapped/planned out in advance, it's more difficult to be pushed into bringing him home before you feel it's safe to do so.

And make certain to get some down time for yourself and husband while you're at it. It's easy to get so caught up in the battles of being a difficult child parent that we forget to take care of ourselves until completely battle weary we're ready to collapse.

(((Hugs)))

 

[DammitJanet]

I would urge you to PM Star* about this because she had a son who went through just about every agency in SC there was and she should know how to advice you best. If you dont know how to PM, just look for one of her posts or replies with her name in it, click on her name and it will bring up some options and one of them is "send a private message" do that. But make sure your ability to receive private messages is activated. You can do that in your general settings or edit profile...I cant remember which one. Which is under forum actions at the top of this page.