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<blockquote data-quote="Babbs" data-source="post: 74938" data-attributes="member: 3820"><p>Tessa,</p><p>You're right, he's manipulating.</p><p></p><p>I had a teenager in training at 5 yrs old and was being manipulated to there and back. Putting my son on a token economy at home broke the cycle you just described. Everything he is expected to do he earns tokens for - and he only earns them if he follows directions the first time he's asked. Anything he wants to do, e.g. computer time, TV time, ice cream, etc. he has to pay tokens for. </p><p></p><p>It took me a long time to realize how structured I had to be for my son. My SO wasn't so sure about the token system at first, but after 3 months on it, 2 month break (he was out of state for court ordered visitation with Ex), difficult child fell right into line within a few days being back on such a structured system.</p><p></p><p>I know many people here really like "The Explosive Child" but I really found that for me, Russell Barklays' "Your Defiant Child: 8 steps To Better Behavior" (once I got over how dry the author can be) was more helpful.</p><p></p><p>Right now I'm making minor changes to my system. One of which is every time block (e.g. morning routine before school bus) is written down in list form, each task has a token value next to it, and I found these neat wallet sized self lamination pockets from 3-M that I used to laminate the routines. So every day, difficult child is given his list, I give him his visual timer (a timer that has a large red circle that slowly disappears to help him visualize the passage of time)and he sets it for how long he thinks it will take him to complete his list, and then he races himself to beat his time. If he does, sometimes he gets a bonus of extra tokens. This helps me not be constantly harrassing him verbally, but also he races himself, not doing a preset time I just picked for him. </p><p></p><p>I know for myself, I have additional training that unfortunately most parents of kids like ours don't have. But I've also spent lots of time educating myself, trying different systems, and working closely with difficult child's therapist to create a behavior system that works for him and for us as a family. </p><p></p><p>I wish you the best and hope that you can find a good system that works for your family.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Babbs, post: 74938, member: 3820"] Tessa, You're right, he's manipulating. I had a teenager in training at 5 yrs old and was being manipulated to there and back. Putting my son on a token economy at home broke the cycle you just described. Everything he is expected to do he earns tokens for - and he only earns them if he follows directions the first time he's asked. Anything he wants to do, e.g. computer time, TV time, ice cream, etc. he has to pay tokens for. It took me a long time to realize how structured I had to be for my son. My SO wasn't so sure about the token system at first, but after 3 months on it, 2 month break (he was out of state for court ordered visitation with Ex), difficult child fell right into line within a few days being back on such a structured system. I know many people here really like "The Explosive Child" but I really found that for me, Russell Barklays' "Your Defiant Child: 8 steps To Better Behavior" (once I got over how dry the author can be) was more helpful. Right now I'm making minor changes to my system. One of which is every time block (e.g. morning routine before school bus) is written down in list form, each task has a token value next to it, and I found these neat wallet sized self lamination pockets from 3-M that I used to laminate the routines. So every day, difficult child is given his list, I give him his visual timer (a timer that has a large red circle that slowly disappears to help him visualize the passage of time)and he sets it for how long he thinks it will take him to complete his list, and then he races himself to beat his time. If he does, sometimes he gets a bonus of extra tokens. This helps me not be constantly harrassing him verbally, but also he races himself, not doing a preset time I just picked for him. I know for myself, I have additional training that unfortunately most parents of kids like ours don't have. But I've also spent lots of time educating myself, trying different systems, and working closely with difficult child's therapist to create a behavior system that works for him and for us as a family. I wish you the best and hope that you can find a good system that works for your family. [/QUOTE]
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