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Parent Emeritus
Update: Detachment as Spiritual Practice, and an Update
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 614362" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Cedar, this quote just leaped out at me, as it echoes one of the most valuable lessons my life has taught me. Sometimes the best thing to do is...nothing.</p><p></p><p>The same fierce independence that helped me in becoming a "near-miss difficult child" also got me into trouble more than once. I would have information, or things, or know people, that other people needed. I would offer these things up freely in an effort to be helpful. And then, all of a sudden everyone else's troubles became my troubles. In my circle, the solution became "ask Trinity" rather than "call so-and-so", or "do such and such". The more readily I answered, the more people unburdened themselves to me -- and the heavier my burden became.</p><p></p><p>One day I woke up, and decided that it was the day I wasn't going to do it anymore. I started saying "I'm not sure" or "I don't know" or "I'm sure you'll figure that out, you're resourceful". And the people in my circle started to. Ineptly at first, usually not the way I would do it. But the weight on my shoulders was no longer crushing me, and it got lighter every day. My favourite response nowadays is "What do you think?" or variations on that theme. Answer a question with a question. The height of bad etiquette, but delightful fun. And it puts the blame, or the glory for that matter, squarely where it should be, on the shoulders of the person who has a problem that needs solving, not on the offerer of a solution.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 614362, member: 3907"] Cedar, this quote just leaped out at me, as it echoes one of the most valuable lessons my life has taught me. Sometimes the best thing to do is...nothing. The same fierce independence that helped me in becoming a "near-miss difficult child" also got me into trouble more than once. I would have information, or things, or know people, that other people needed. I would offer these things up freely in an effort to be helpful. And then, all of a sudden everyone else's troubles became my troubles. In my circle, the solution became "ask Trinity" rather than "call so-and-so", or "do such and such". The more readily I answered, the more people unburdened themselves to me -- and the heavier my burden became. One day I woke up, and decided that it was the day I wasn't going to do it anymore. I started saying "I'm not sure" or "I don't know" or "I'm sure you'll figure that out, you're resourceful". And the people in my circle started to. Ineptly at first, usually not the way I would do it. But the weight on my shoulders was no longer crushing me, and it got lighter every day. My favourite response nowadays is "What do you think?" or variations on that theme. Answer a question with a question. The height of bad etiquette, but delightful fun. And it puts the blame, or the glory for that matter, squarely where it should be, on the shoulders of the person who has a problem that needs solving, not on the offerer of a solution. [/QUOTE]
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Update: Detachment as Spiritual Practice, and an Update
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