UPDATE: difficult child is in psychiatric hospital....my worst nightmare
- Thread starter Loving Abbey 2
- Start date
Big Bad Kitty
lolcat
Michelle,
I have lots of hugs for your hurting mommy heart. Use this time wisely. take care of yourself, so that you can be the best mommy to Abbey when she comes back. Draw strength from us as much as you need to during this time. We are all here for you.
I have lots of hugs for your hurting mommy heart. Use this time wisely. take care of yourself, so that you can be the best mommy to Abbey when she comes back. Draw strength from us as much as you need to during this time. We are all here for you.
Loving Abbey 2
Not really a Newbie
Well, I'm feeling a little better right now. Abbey is doing better today. She only had to go to the time out/quiet room once. She said to me, mama I'm on level 3, I'm doing good so I will get to go home soon. And the clarity of that statement was a sigh of relief. A moment of HER being there and present and understanding why she is there.
People who understand mental illness are always saying you wouldn't deny your child insulin if they had diabetes, so why deny them medication for mental illness. Specifically to having difficult child in the hospital, the head of my religous organization said to me, if abbey had cancer would you just take her home, get hospice and hope for the best? No you would admit her to the hospital for however long it takes to get her healthy. While this is not cancer her behaviors do pose a real risk of serious harm or death if they continue on this path without appropriate treatment. And that spoke to me. Maybe I was just ready to hear it at that moment.
Not putting her in the hospital when I did would have meant that I saw the risk of her hurting someone else, hurting herself and the suffering she was experiencing, knowing I couldn't do anything to help her and deciding it was okay for her to continue on this path to total destruction.
SRL-yes this was 3 or 4 weeks after a medication change, discontinue of Abilify and lowering of Lithium. I'd like to see them take her off all her medications since she is already there and see what we are really working with. With how sensitive she is to the medication changes, I'd just like to get this over with so she can be stable again.
Right now I am okay, who knows what the next moment will bring. I am so grateful for all of your continued support. I would be lost without it. You are all helping me through this one moment at a time.
People who understand mental illness are always saying you wouldn't deny your child insulin if they had diabetes, so why deny them medication for mental illness. Specifically to having difficult child in the hospital, the head of my religous organization said to me, if abbey had cancer would you just take her home, get hospice and hope for the best? No you would admit her to the hospital for however long it takes to get her healthy. While this is not cancer her behaviors do pose a real risk of serious harm or death if they continue on this path without appropriate treatment. And that spoke to me. Maybe I was just ready to hear it at that moment.
Not putting her in the hospital when I did would have meant that I saw the risk of her hurting someone else, hurting herself and the suffering she was experiencing, knowing I couldn't do anything to help her and deciding it was okay for her to continue on this path to total destruction.
SRL-yes this was 3 or 4 weeks after a medication change, discontinue of Abilify and lowering of Lithium. I'd like to see them take her off all her medications since she is already there and see what we are really working with. With how sensitive she is to the medication changes, I'd just like to get this over with so she can be stable again.
Right now I am okay, who knows what the next moment will bring. I am so grateful for all of your continued support. I would be lost without it. You are all helping me through this one moment at a time.
smallworld
Moderator
Michelle, sending more hugs. We're here for you anytime you need us.
Star*
call 911........call 911
All the hugs and good thoughts in the world for you.
I want you to think about this and maybe it will help you to help her more.
IF she did NOT need to be where she is - she wouldn't be. Doctors just do not observe a child and then zap them into a psychiatric hospital. So if your husband believes he wouldn't have - I'd explain that to him.
Second - Since she needs to be there - isn't it better to find out NOW while she's younger rather than wait until she's running through the halls at say 14,15,16 and saying all the same things or getting into big person trouble? Left untreated, without therapy - your daughter has less of a chance of finding help - as they grow older they don't WANT help - they can fix it themselves and then you have to worry about teenage hormones and THAT is NOT the time to start treating her for WHATEVER this disorder is.
AND LAstly - IF IF IF it is MERELY behavioral??? And not organic - they WHY oh WHY wouldn't any parent want that pointed out to them so they could ALL (MOM DAD AND DAUGHTER) get some therapy and counseling??? There is no good reason to refuse that. You want what's best for your child - period.
I had to put my food down with DF too - AND I did sign up for parenting classes, and family therapy - and we took Dude to therapy as well (2x a week for all of us for 4 years!)
-All I can tell you is you can either pay now - or pay later. If you decide to ignore what's going on or pretend it isn't real - then you are not doing her any favors. If you pay later the stakes get MUCH higher with adult charges, and drugs and promiscuity - Better to do as much now and STAND behind your decisions to allow things for her to start getting better.
It is hard - no one wants to see their kid in a phos. Mine was taken in a K-9 transport unit, with dog hair and pee and handcuffed because there was no other cop available the day I took him to the hospital. He was angry, he had pooped his pants, he had tried to kick 2 cops to which I was told he COULD be arrested for assualt on an officer!!! AT SIX YEARS OLD - and finally for tearing up the ER.
I cried every day too - until an old nurse that had worked in the prison system told me what I told you - "Honey you can either pay now or you can pay later - and later usually means incarceration, drugs and then there isn't the help for them like there is for the kids."
I've kept that with me - and every time I think I've made a bad choice or second guess myself - I wonder now at 17 looking at 15 years in prison - how much worse it WOULD have been for him.
Hang in there - you can educate yourself and support your daughter. We're here for you!
I want you to think about this and maybe it will help you to help her more.
IF she did NOT need to be where she is - she wouldn't be. Doctors just do not observe a child and then zap them into a psychiatric hospital. So if your husband believes he wouldn't have - I'd explain that to him.
Second - Since she needs to be there - isn't it better to find out NOW while she's younger rather than wait until she's running through the halls at say 14,15,16 and saying all the same things or getting into big person trouble? Left untreated, without therapy - your daughter has less of a chance of finding help - as they grow older they don't WANT help - they can fix it themselves and then you have to worry about teenage hormones and THAT is NOT the time to start treating her for WHATEVER this disorder is.
AND LAstly - IF IF IF it is MERELY behavioral??? And not organic - they WHY oh WHY wouldn't any parent want that pointed out to them so they could ALL (MOM DAD AND DAUGHTER) get some therapy and counseling??? There is no good reason to refuse that. You want what's best for your child - period.
I had to put my food down with DF too - AND I did sign up for parenting classes, and family therapy - and we took Dude to therapy as well (2x a week for all of us for 4 years!)
-All I can tell you is you can either pay now - or pay later. If you decide to ignore what's going on or pretend it isn't real - then you are not doing her any favors. If you pay later the stakes get MUCH higher with adult charges, and drugs and promiscuity - Better to do as much now and STAND behind your decisions to allow things for her to start getting better.
It is hard - no one wants to see their kid in a phos. Mine was taken in a K-9 transport unit, with dog hair and pee and handcuffed because there was no other cop available the day I took him to the hospital. He was angry, he had pooped his pants, he had tried to kick 2 cops to which I was told he COULD be arrested for assualt on an officer!!! AT SIX YEARS OLD - and finally for tearing up the ER.
I cried every day too - until an old nurse that had worked in the prison system told me what I told you - "Honey you can either pay now or you can pay later - and later usually means incarceration, drugs and then there isn't the help for them like there is for the kids."
I've kept that with me - and every time I think I've made a bad choice or second guess myself - I wonder now at 17 looking at 15 years in prison - how much worse it WOULD have been for him.
Hang in there - you can educate yourself and support your daughter. We're here for you!
Loving Abbey 2
Not really a Newbie
Star-that really does make a lot of sense. If she was doing this stuff at 15 or 16 then she would end up in a detention facility. And THAT would be soooo much worse.
The psychiatrist at the hospital met with me today. We are in agreement to start taking her off of her medications, beginning with the Lithium, cutting her dose in half for tonight and tomorrow morning and then meeting with him again tomorrow to discuss further. He and the SW really seemed to get it and they weren't focusing on diagnoses, mainly her current behavior and what we can do both with medicine (as little as possible) and in home to help turn things around. And just knowing there is a plan really really helps. It looks like I'll be meeting with him and/or the SW everyday. I like that idea so I can see things moving along everyday.
Abbey continues to struggle with aggression and meltdowns but I guess it may get worse before it gets better.
And my job is being flexible (I work for a human service agency so they get it). I'm going to try to work half days, just to fill the time. But my boss told me if I can't or it's too much not to worry and take as much time off as I need. I'm really grateful for that.
It still breaks my heart more than I could have ever imagined, but I guess it's supposed to. My aunt said to me, "if you weren't upset and this didn't hurt, I would be very concerned."
Hanging in there.
The psychiatrist at the hospital met with me today. We are in agreement to start taking her off of her medications, beginning with the Lithium, cutting her dose in half for tonight and tomorrow morning and then meeting with him again tomorrow to discuss further. He and the SW really seemed to get it and they weren't focusing on diagnoses, mainly her current behavior and what we can do both with medicine (as little as possible) and in home to help turn things around. And just knowing there is a plan really really helps. It looks like I'll be meeting with him and/or the SW everyday. I like that idea so I can see things moving along everyday.
Abbey continues to struggle with aggression and meltdowns but I guess it may get worse before it gets better.
And my job is being flexible (I work for a human service agency so they get it). I'm going to try to work half days, just to fill the time. But my boss told me if I can't or it's too much not to worry and take as much time off as I need. I'm really grateful for that.
It still breaks my heart more than I could have ever imagined, but I guess it's supposed to. My aunt said to me, "if you weren't upset and this didn't hurt, I would be very concerned."
Hanging in there.
Star*
call 911........call 911
I'm glad to hear that she's getting some observation and medications trials.
I wanted to tell you about something else too that just kills parents, but few talk about after a psychiatric hospital.
When they allow Abbey to come home. (and by the way do NOT EVER discuss a discharge date with her EVER NEVER - a lot of kids can/will hold it together if they KNOW they are getting out on say - Friday) then Saturday they are home and it's hades in the house. If she asks tell her you believe they will let her come home when she's worked the levels she has to to be discharged. But encourage her by saying things like "I am supporting you, I'm behind your success."
=Now the part that kills -
The first time my son went into the psychiatric hospital - he was 6. Tiny, thin, angry.....oh what a mess. I had just taken him from his biofather. (longer story). He was in the state mental hospital at 6. I was sick to my heart, stomach. But had not found the board, didn't have anyone. Was going through a separation from an abusive man. IT was very hard. So naturally when my son kept acting out to the point where they put him in the STATE mental hospital - I figured these people with their knowledge, insight, diplomas and experience would look at my son and wave the magic pen over the magic prescription pad and that would just fix it all.
He'd come home, he'd behave better and life would pick up where it left off before he went into the psychiatric hospital. (YEAH WHAT A CROCODILE) First of all - I needed to KNOW what they were pumping into my "baby" six years ago I was changing his diapers and now I was giving him anti-depressants. It was nuts. Then I had to figure out - which medications did what and why, how - so more reading. When he came home - it was the best 2 weeks of his life since I left his dad. They told me the pending divorce was really doing a number on him - and since we were in hiding that wasn't helping. And he went back to school - was getting all the ATTA BOYS he could get and then suddenly as it seemed healed it unravelled.
I started getting calls again from the school - I got notes from the teacher, I had to put him in an alternative school, different times, figure out how to transport - etc.....I was a wreck. And I continued to ride this hurtful rollercoaster for years. But under it all - the reason I got so mad was because I thought ALL THOSE STINKING GENIUSES - FIXED MY KID.
There is no 'fixing' mental illness. There is "managing" the disorder, there is "educating yourself", "support", but don't allow yourself to believe that this is a fix for Abbey -
What does HELP our kids - Time, maturity, sometimes medications, therapy for sure if done long enough - and I mean every week for 1 hour for years, and a willingness to have the courage to change medications and deal with the fallout inbetween finding the right tweaks to her plan.
Every time I have written this to a parent new to the psychiatric hospital or Residential Treatment Center (RTC) game - I think - just once - just ONE lousy time I want someone to come back and say "YOu are so wrong." But just once I wish I had known someone here that had told me what I told you. I wasn't part of the board in 1996.
Keep your chin up - but live with Abbeys days realistically. It will help you get a grip on surviving with this day to day.
Hugs
Star
I wanted to tell you about something else too that just kills parents, but few talk about after a psychiatric hospital.
When they allow Abbey to come home. (and by the way do NOT EVER discuss a discharge date with her EVER NEVER - a lot of kids can/will hold it together if they KNOW they are getting out on say - Friday) then Saturday they are home and it's hades in the house. If she asks tell her you believe they will let her come home when she's worked the levels she has to to be discharged. But encourage her by saying things like "I am supporting you, I'm behind your success."
=Now the part that kills -
The first time my son went into the psychiatric hospital - he was 6. Tiny, thin, angry.....oh what a mess. I had just taken him from his biofather. (longer story). He was in the state mental hospital at 6. I was sick to my heart, stomach. But had not found the board, didn't have anyone. Was going through a separation from an abusive man. IT was very hard. So naturally when my son kept acting out to the point where they put him in the STATE mental hospital - I figured these people with their knowledge, insight, diplomas and experience would look at my son and wave the magic pen over the magic prescription pad and that would just fix it all.
He'd come home, he'd behave better and life would pick up where it left off before he went into the psychiatric hospital. (YEAH WHAT A CROCODILE) First of all - I needed to KNOW what they were pumping into my "baby" six years ago I was changing his diapers and now I was giving him anti-depressants. It was nuts. Then I had to figure out - which medications did what and why, how - so more reading. When he came home - it was the best 2 weeks of his life since I left his dad. They told me the pending divorce was really doing a number on him - and since we were in hiding that wasn't helping. And he went back to school - was getting all the ATTA BOYS he could get and then suddenly as it seemed healed it unravelled.
I started getting calls again from the school - I got notes from the teacher, I had to put him in an alternative school, different times, figure out how to transport - etc.....I was a wreck. And I continued to ride this hurtful rollercoaster for years. But under it all - the reason I got so mad was because I thought ALL THOSE STINKING GENIUSES - FIXED MY KID.
There is no 'fixing' mental illness. There is "managing" the disorder, there is "educating yourself", "support", but don't allow yourself to believe that this is a fix for Abbey -
What does HELP our kids - Time, maturity, sometimes medications, therapy for sure if done long enough - and I mean every week for 1 hour for years, and a willingness to have the courage to change medications and deal with the fallout inbetween finding the right tweaks to her plan.
Every time I have written this to a parent new to the psychiatric hospital or Residential Treatment Center (RTC) game - I think - just once - just ONE lousy time I want someone to come back and say "YOu are so wrong." But just once I wish I had known someone here that had told me what I told you. I wasn't part of the board in 1996.
Keep your chin up - but live with Abbeys days realistically. It will help you get a grip on surviving with this day to day.
Hugs
Star
Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
Star
You said that beautifully.
Having a child in psychiatric hospital can be devistating. I'm so sorry it was necessary. But I'm glad a plan is forming. Sounds like they're going to work closely with you which is good. She is where she needs to be and any changes being made are being monitored by professionals.
During this time try to take some time for yourself to rest and regroup.
Saying prayers a good treatment plan is found that fits her needs and works well for her.
Hugs
You said that beautifully.
Having a child in psychiatric hospital can be devistating. I'm so sorry it was necessary. But I'm glad a plan is forming. Sounds like they're going to work closely with you which is good. She is where she needs to be and any changes being made are being monitored by professionals.
During this time try to take some time for yourself to rest and regroup.
Saying prayers a good treatment plan is found that fits her needs and works well for her.
Hugs
So sorry (((hugs))))
My son was in a psychiatric hospital from March 25th through April 9th. This was his first stay and it was so hard for us. You think I'd welcome the break but I was so worried about him I couldn't focus on anything. You did the right thing and hopefully something good will come out of it.
Take care of yourself!
Christy
My son was in a psychiatric hospital from March 25th through April 9th. This was his first stay and it was so hard for us. You think I'd welcome the break but I was so worried about him I couldn't focus on anything. You did the right thing and hopefully something good will come out of it.
Take care of yourself!
Christy
