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UPDATE: difficult child is in psychiatric hospital....my worst nightmare
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<blockquote data-quote="Loving Abbey 2" data-source="post: 145646" data-attributes="member: 4845"><p>First thank you all for your kind words and support.</p><p> </p><p>Today was horrible. When I got to the psychiatric hospital she was in a time out room and I could hear her screaming. Seh settled down and came in for the visit and was okay. She called me once and I called her too. Then I spoke to the staff who had been assigned to her today to get a run down of her day and she had been "held" three times, assaulted staff 4 times, at one point stated she didn't remember hurting the staff, made suicial statements--which is very new, etc. My heart is breaking. I do know that she is where she needs to be, but it makes me feel like I have failed her. I know that no one person can help her right now, but I hold myself to the high standard of being able to provide her with everything that she needs to be a happy healthy child. As unrealistic that is for a difficult child, it's what I feel my job is as her mom. I can't help my baby girl. She is my world. I feel so lost right now. I don't know what to do and I don't want to do anything. I feel guilty for eating or resting. And I know that I shouldn't. I feel so horrible. I don't want to talk to anyone or go anywhere. I can't deal with their pity and not understanding. Or any people asking where Abbey is. After seeing her today my soon to be ex husband is starting to get the picture. I am trying to limit the contact I have with him. </p><p> </p><p>The worst part is that it feels like I am losing her. It's like her body is there but SHE is not. She'll have a few moments of clarity and then be gone again. I want my baby girl back! I just keep crying. The saddness is overwhelming. And her little voice saying I want to come home is ripping out my heart. I don't want her to hate me because of this. I fear that she will never forgive me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Loving Abbey 2, post: 145646, member: 4845"] First thank you all for your kind words and support. Today was horrible. When I got to the psychiatric hospital she was in a time out room and I could hear her screaming. Seh settled down and came in for the visit and was okay. She called me once and I called her too. Then I spoke to the staff who had been assigned to her today to get a run down of her day and she had been "held" three times, assaulted staff 4 times, at one point stated she didn't remember hurting the staff, made suicial statements--which is very new, etc. My heart is breaking. I do know that she is where she needs to be, but it makes me feel like I have failed her. I know that no one person can help her right now, but I hold myself to the high standard of being able to provide her with everything that she needs to be a happy healthy child. As unrealistic that is for a difficult child, it's what I feel my job is as her mom. I can't help my baby girl. She is my world. I feel so lost right now. I don't know what to do and I don't want to do anything. I feel guilty for eating or resting. And I know that I shouldn't. I feel so horrible. I don't want to talk to anyone or go anywhere. I can't deal with their pity and not understanding. Or any people asking where Abbey is. After seeing her today my soon to be ex husband is starting to get the picture. I am trying to limit the contact I have with him. The worst part is that it feels like I am losing her. It's like her body is there but SHE is not. She'll have a few moments of clarity and then be gone again. I want my baby girl back! I just keep crying. The saddness is overwhelming. And her little voice saying I want to come home is ripping out my heart. I don't want her to hate me because of this. I fear that she will never forgive me. [/QUOTE]
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UPDATE: difficult child is in psychiatric hospital....my worst nightmare
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