update: difficult child was arrested last night

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by aWillowBreeze, Oct 15, 2010.

  1. In my first post i told how my son had moved in/out a couple times already & how we had allowed him back once more with rules on what it would take to stay..He had been back here 3 weeks. He made no real effort to get a schedule & go back to rescue classes. Long story short the school contacted us on Wed and he was given 1 day to make arrangements to return or withdraw. Yesterday he withdrew and we recieved info on obtaining a GED.

    difficult child was well aware that he had tickets out..and all he had to do was go to court and 1 would have been thrown out (lack of insurance card) and he could have made a payment plan or worked off the other..he never went to court...

    difficult child was also questioned about 1 1/2 months ago about an ex-girlfriend's of his car being vandalized..the officer came here once in the last 3 wks asking to speak to him again..difficult child was not present at the time and did not bother to return a call or contact the officer as requested. I'm not sure what possible new info they recieved but a warrant was issued for criminal mischief. I dont know much about the details of the file..the officer only told me a witness gave them a tag number which came back to my ex-husbands vehicle during the time difficult child was living with him..and that the damage done was apprx. $3,000 worth.

    With a total of 3 warrants we had 5 officers show up at my home last night to take him in. difficult child was sleeping when i told him they were at the door..I dont know if he thought he was being questioned or knew he was being arrested but he went calmly without saying much more than requesting that they let him put some shoes on. Hubby was wanting to try and come up with the $685 bail and more $$ for an atty. I strongly suggested we NOT bail him out for numerous reasons & if he insisted we scrape up any $ have it go toward an atty of our choosing. Hubby is concerned that a court appointed atty won't put as much effort into the case.

    I don't know have a clue about these kinds of charges and what the outcome could be..I've heard he could get out of it completely if the prosecutor cant prove he did it and with intent. I've heard he could plea bargain and pay X amount to the family for perhaps their deductible amount and face probation..and i've heard he could be convicted as a Class C felony and get as much as 1-10 years in prison plus fines.. the possibilities are mind boggling.

    Any advice, insight or simple support is appreciated.
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs...knock wood, this was one thing we didn't have to deal with. I agree that you shouldn't bail him out; he may decide it's time to make a change, plus, you don't want to be responsible for making sure he gets to court, etc.
  3. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Well I am right there with you....my son is currently in jail. He has been there 11 days and has a hearing on Monday. Sitting in jail has been a huge wake up call for him and he has now agreed to go to treatment to an out of state program I found that looks great for him.. So jail has been good for him but will only be good to a point.

    My very strong advice is don't bail him out... let him stew for a couple of days in jail. Let him think about what he is doing and where he is headed. I would however hire him a lawyer if you can. Your husband is right the court appointment atty wont do more than he has to. We found that out and hired an attorney for our son. They are doing stupid things now but you don't want them to end up with a felony on their record if you an avoid it, that has life long consequences. I am not sure with my son we will be able to avoid it but we are doing the best we can to.

    But jail has been a good motivator for my son and it may be what finally gets him some substance abuse treatment.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I always taught my kids if they went to jail they'd better count on staying there cuz Mom was not going to bail them out. Nor do anything to help. in my opinion you do the crime you better be ready to do the time.....or whatever else they give you.

    I also got lucky and I think they believed me......so never had to deal with the jail issue.

    Being forced to deal with the consequences of their actions is real life in the adult world. And these are some of the best life lessons.

    That said.......it doesn't make it any easier on you.

  5. Thanks ladies. I went to visit him last night. He initially was smiling and said he was OK..told me it was boring, a bit cold, only one blanket,no pillow. He and his cellmates played cards and watch tv. He gets a single one minute phone call daily. He asked about bailing him out and i told him that we weren't bailing him out. He didn't get mad, he just hung his head and began to cry. This happened a couple of times during our conversation. I reminded him that he'd been aware of the tickets and what he needed to do..he did not take responsibility. His "code" wasn't activated for some reason so we couldn't use the phone..we spoke closely to the plexiglass or wrote words backwords on it & kinda signed things with our hands.

    On the 3rd charge he still insist that he is not guilty. He admits to being in the location that night ( it was a school parking lot during a jamboree lots of people around) but not to doing the damage. I reminded him that the school has camera's and if he's not being honest they already know and i didn't think they could produce a warrant unless they had more info than being seen up there. He stuck to his story. Tuesday he should be appointed an atty and we'll get more details as to what case they do or don't have against him..at that point we'll talk to the appointed atty and decide if we trust him/her or choose to hire one ourselves.

    Toughlovin I'm glad that your son's time in jail is perhaps helping him move in the right direction. The treatment program could be the BIG help he needs. I hope that once he is there he will listen and really allow them to help. Good luck with the felony charge as well, I'm hopeful we can avoid one as well. ((Hugss))