T
toughlovin
Guest
Hi Everyone,
I have been catching up this morning. Not sure why exactly but I just kind of took a break over the last couple of weeks from the board and then got so behind on reading posts. Maybe it was just the holidays and one of my ways to keep my head above water.... but I have been thinking of you and glad to hear the good news stories and the good Xmas stories.
I survived Xmas and managed to have a good day in spite of the drama that is my difficult child. Really he does not make it easy!!! I have been very worried about him, had some communication and have been having to hold on tight to my resolve not to rescue him and to keep finding the balance between supportinghim to find his way but not to do it for him. Honestly he makes that a hard balance to find sometimes.
I have been following him on FB as that has been the only way to communicate. At times I am horrified by what I read, at times sad and worried and sometimes he makes me laugh.
Christmas morning I woke up to a FB post saying he woke up at 3am in a EMS van being warmed up by blankets and heaters as he almost froze to death!!! I messaged him and told him to find a shelter! It is scary to think of him freezing to death sleeping outside in the middle of winter in Denver! The next mornings post was about how he woke up next to someone who did freeze to death!! But NO I did not contact him and offer him a hotel room!!!
One of the problems he has is he has no id... I sent him his birth certificate (to this homeless place where I can send him mail) but that is not enough to actually get an id. So I was able to finally get online and get a replacement drivers liscense sent to him which he is waiting for. I also had my friend in LA send him a phone. So we did do that.
A couple of days ago we had a conversation and he talked about going to treatment.... he is trying to find a place and I had a few hopeful moments... but the only place he was looking at was another private place in CA!!!! They may take insurance but he obviously wanted me to figure it out!!! I basically put it back in his court and said we would pay copays but he had to find a place that would take insurance, we were not spending thousands of dollars again on treatment... and that he had to find the place. At which point he got kind of mad and said well then forget tx. He had this one fancy place in mind, which makes me wonder if some girl he knows happens to be at that place! I told him it does not sound like he is serious about getting sober, but rather he is trying to get out of his current situation! He admittted he is only doing it to get the warrants off him here, and to get into a sober house so he can get a job and get his life on track.... good goals but it is obvious he still isnt connecting the dots to his problems with substance abuse!!!
So we had the conversation about treatment but nothing further. He is still on the streets in denver. It is really really hard to stay detached and to be happy knowing he is living on the streets in the middle of winter. However to be honest I think I have done a reasonable job of keeping my life going and enjoying the holiday... we did have a nice Xmas in spite of him.
Yesterday he texted me that he had gotten his phone. Today he called me. It was so good to hear his voice and he does sound ok. He has spent a couple of nights in shelter. I had texted him that my brother had sent some money for him for Xmas and that I would get him something small if he went back to REI. So he asked if he could go to REI today and get some boots, it is his feet that get the coldest. I said that would be fine.
I am glad he has a phone... and so when he is ready for treatment, or real help he can make the calls. And it is one more way fro me to check that he is still alive.... and really all I can do right now is just wait until he is ready for help... and to stick to my resolve that we will support him but not rescue him.
Thinking of you all,
TL
I have been catching up this morning. Not sure why exactly but I just kind of took a break over the last couple of weeks from the board and then got so behind on reading posts. Maybe it was just the holidays and one of my ways to keep my head above water.... but I have been thinking of you and glad to hear the good news stories and the good Xmas stories.
I survived Xmas and managed to have a good day in spite of the drama that is my difficult child. Really he does not make it easy!!! I have been very worried about him, had some communication and have been having to hold on tight to my resolve not to rescue him and to keep finding the balance between supportinghim to find his way but not to do it for him. Honestly he makes that a hard balance to find sometimes.
I have been following him on FB as that has been the only way to communicate. At times I am horrified by what I read, at times sad and worried and sometimes he makes me laugh.
Christmas morning I woke up to a FB post saying he woke up at 3am in a EMS van being warmed up by blankets and heaters as he almost froze to death!!! I messaged him and told him to find a shelter! It is scary to think of him freezing to death sleeping outside in the middle of winter in Denver! The next mornings post was about how he woke up next to someone who did freeze to death!! But NO I did not contact him and offer him a hotel room!!!
One of the problems he has is he has no id... I sent him his birth certificate (to this homeless place where I can send him mail) but that is not enough to actually get an id. So I was able to finally get online and get a replacement drivers liscense sent to him which he is waiting for. I also had my friend in LA send him a phone. So we did do that.
A couple of days ago we had a conversation and he talked about going to treatment.... he is trying to find a place and I had a few hopeful moments... but the only place he was looking at was another private place in CA!!!! They may take insurance but he obviously wanted me to figure it out!!! I basically put it back in his court and said we would pay copays but he had to find a place that would take insurance, we were not spending thousands of dollars again on treatment... and that he had to find the place. At which point he got kind of mad and said well then forget tx. He had this one fancy place in mind, which makes me wonder if some girl he knows happens to be at that place! I told him it does not sound like he is serious about getting sober, but rather he is trying to get out of his current situation! He admittted he is only doing it to get the warrants off him here, and to get into a sober house so he can get a job and get his life on track.... good goals but it is obvious he still isnt connecting the dots to his problems with substance abuse!!!
So we had the conversation about treatment but nothing further. He is still on the streets in denver. It is really really hard to stay detached and to be happy knowing he is living on the streets in the middle of winter. However to be honest I think I have done a reasonable job of keeping my life going and enjoying the holiday... we did have a nice Xmas in spite of him.
Yesterday he texted me that he had gotten his phone. Today he called me. It was so good to hear his voice and he does sound ok. He has spent a couple of nights in shelter. I had texted him that my brother had sent some money for him for Xmas and that I would get him something small if he went back to REI. So he asked if he could go to REI today and get some boots, it is his feet that get the coldest. I said that would be fine.
I am glad he has a phone... and so when he is ready for treatment, or real help he can make the calls. And it is one more way fro me to check that he is still alive.... and really all I can do right now is just wait until he is ready for help... and to stick to my resolve that we will support him but not rescue him.
Thinking of you all,
TL
