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Substance Abuse
update-maintaining the status quo-chatty post ahead
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 538321" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>Sig I missed you and it's so good to hear your update. Yes I read every word. Forst of all I would give you a high five or actually a hug if I were with you. The fact that you did not offer groceries or tuition or anything is amazing and I'm so proud of you. I just came back from my parent's support meeting and the topic tonight was "It's not your business". It was a great toipic for me tonight and we talked all about keeping out of their business and just minding our own and it was exactly what I needed tonight because I have been doing that all week and I am much happier and more peaceful not trying to get into difficult child's business.</p><p></p><p>In fact she came over last week for her birthday and I have not talked to her since and I have resisted all temptation to text and ask if she is working and if she got paid and did she pay her rent and then I pull back and tell myself no it's not my business. One of the people at the meeting tonight who is in recovery told us that when we try to control addicts they pull the other way every time and will do the exact opposite. He said they don't want our interference or help or advice and the sooner we get that the better we will be. He said they don't want to hurt us but they don't want us knowing their business. He said they are wired differently and so what we think is beinghelpful or supportive they think of as interference or control.</p><p></p><p>Here's the interesting part. As I was driving home I passed near where difficult child is living (ok so I went 4 miles out of my way to drive part her apartment) and a couple blocks from her apartment I see her walking down the street with her dog. She gave me this look like what are you doing here and I stopped and we chatted. I didn't ask anything about work or rent or anything, just told her she looked nice and chatted about the dog. She knows I was on my way home from the support meeting. I was very proud of myself, I didn;t give her a dollar for food or cigs or anything, just gave her a hug and drove off.</p><p></p><p>You are doing a great job. We have to remember that this is their lives and they have to live it. It may not be the way we envisioned their lives to be but it is theirs to live. Keeping the line of communication open is good. That is what I am trying to do too. At some point if she wants help she knows where we are.</p><p></p><p>It was good to hear from you and I'm gald all the festivities went well.</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 538321, member: 59"] Sig I missed you and it's so good to hear your update. Yes I read every word. Forst of all I would give you a high five or actually a hug if I were with you. The fact that you did not offer groceries or tuition or anything is amazing and I'm so proud of you. I just came back from my parent's support meeting and the topic tonight was "It's not your business". It was a great toipic for me tonight and we talked all about keeping out of their business and just minding our own and it was exactly what I needed tonight because I have been doing that all week and I am much happier and more peaceful not trying to get into difficult child's business. In fact she came over last week for her birthday and I have not talked to her since and I have resisted all temptation to text and ask if she is working and if she got paid and did she pay her rent and then I pull back and tell myself no it's not my business. One of the people at the meeting tonight who is in recovery told us that when we try to control addicts they pull the other way every time and will do the exact opposite. He said they don't want our interference or help or advice and the sooner we get that the better we will be. He said they don't want to hurt us but they don't want us knowing their business. He said they are wired differently and so what we think is beinghelpful or supportive they think of as interference or control. Here's the interesting part. As I was driving home I passed near where difficult child is living (ok so I went 4 miles out of my way to drive part her apartment) and a couple blocks from her apartment I see her walking down the street with her dog. She gave me this look like what are you doing here and I stopped and we chatted. I didn't ask anything about work or rent or anything, just told her she looked nice and chatted about the dog. She knows I was on my way home from the support meeting. I was very proud of myself, I didn;t give her a dollar for food or cigs or anything, just gave her a hug and drove off. You are doing a great job. We have to remember that this is their lives and they have to live it. It may not be the way we envisioned their lives to be but it is theirs to live. Keeping the line of communication open is good. That is what I am trying to do too. At some point if she wants help she knows where we are. It was good to hear from you and I'm gald all the festivities went well. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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