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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 144355" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Star, here's how I work it after going through this game a few times. I will be friendly on the phone, just as I would talking to most people. I'll hear what she wants/needs and, if it is convenient to me, my schedule, my frame of mind, I'll help out. I will not get up early for her. I will not take her somplace unless I'm going the same way already. I will not go out of my way for her.</p><p> </p><p>I will not be petty. I will treat her as an acquaintance I like and do pretty much what I would do for any acquaintance. If she ever makes the effort to be my daughter, not just a convenience, I will once again become her mother -- the woman that would die for her, give her everything I humanly can -- but until she treats me like a mother (calling at least once a week, not asking for something every time she calls, offers to help out if she thinks I might need it, be here for holidays), she is my beloved acquaintance.</p><p> </p><p>Would I like to do more? Of course I would. I adore this child/woman. I would truly die for her if I thought it would save her some pain. What I will not do any longer is give up my soul for her. I will try to not be vindictive -- tit for tat has never worked. I will try to not start on the recriminations -- she takes them that I'm trying to guilt trip her. I will try to stay friendly but distant, much like when she was a tenant in my home. It worked then, maybe it will work now.</p><p> </p><p>I wish you luck. The pain of doing this is no fun and is not how it should be, but there doesn't seem to be any other choice -- if I fall into mommy role, I get hurt too badly and feel too used. If I try to treat her as she does me, I know she'll simply not call again. That is truly unbearable. So, friendly is it.</p><p> </p><p>HUGS</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 144355, member: 3626"] Star, here's how I work it after going through this game a few times. I will be friendly on the phone, just as I would talking to most people. I'll hear what she wants/needs and, if it is convenient to me, my schedule, my frame of mind, I'll help out. I will not get up early for her. I will not take her somplace unless I'm going the same way already. I will not go out of my way for her. I will not be petty. I will treat her as an acquaintance I like and do pretty much what I would do for any acquaintance. If she ever makes the effort to be my daughter, not just a convenience, I will once again become her mother -- the woman that would die for her, give her everything I humanly can -- but until she treats me like a mother (calling at least once a week, not asking for something every time she calls, offers to help out if she thinks I might need it, be here for holidays), she is my beloved acquaintance. Would I like to do more? Of course I would. I adore this child/woman. I would truly die for her if I thought it would save her some pain. What I will not do any longer is give up my soul for her. I will try to not be vindictive -- tit for tat has never worked. I will try to not start on the recriminations -- she takes them that I'm trying to guilt trip her. I will try to stay friendly but distant, much like when she was a tenant in my home. It worked then, maybe it will work now. I wish you luck. The pain of doing this is no fun and is not how it should be, but there doesn't seem to be any other choice -- if I fall into mommy role, I get hurt too badly and feel too used. If I try to treat her as she does me, I know she'll simply not call again. That is truly unbearable. So, friendly is it. HUGS [/QUOTE]
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