update on both difficult children

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by jbrain, Apr 23, 2007.

  1. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Hi All,
    difficult child 1: Yesterday my husband and I went over to get her stuff out of the apt. that she and boyfriend abandoned 3 weeks ago. We had made arrangements with the landlord. We were dreading it--not knowing what to expect and my greatest fear was that they had left their pet rat there to fend for itself.

    Well, the apt. was a huge mess--just disgusting, really. Garbage piled up in the kitchen, dirty dishes everywhere, cigarette butts, etc. Evidence of the rat--he bit through a flexible pipe under kitchen sink, droppings all over, etc. but we didn't see him (at first). Okay, so we started packing up her stuff, stuff that we thought she might want eventually or that we can give away. We told the landlord we would only clean up her stuff, not the boyfriend's. I found some of Molly's clothes but not her favorite shirt that Emily stole recently. I also found a pair of my favorite boots that Emily claimed to have no knowledge of. My husband took on the grosser jobs--felt so bad for landlord so he cleaned the kitchen and bathroom up.

    We couldn't find the rat until my husband decided to move the boxsprings and mattress on the floor of Emily's bedroom. He saw signs of the rat behind the bed. Sure enough, he moved them and there he was. Well, now what to do? I went to PetSmart and got the cheapest little cage I could and some food. We caught the rat and put him in the cage and brought him home. I will take him to the SPCA today I hope. You have to call and make appointment. to do so. We have a "no kill" shelter so I think they will try to find a home if possible. I will have to pay them but that's okay. Molly would like us to keep the rat but I don't want him. We have 2 cats and also I don't like the "rodent smell" and I don't want to be the one who ends up taking care of him.

    By the way, I called Emily when we saw the situation at the apt. I told her she should come and help us. She said she was at work. I called her when we found the rat and asked her to come and help with catching him but she was "at work." I did lay into her pretty good--told her she is not the person I raised and that I don't know who she is. I said there is nobody there and she agreed. I told her I never would have believed she would abandon her pet. Well, this has really done it for both my husband and me. We want nothing to do with her and I want to get on with my life and quit thinking about her so much. I am sure she will contact me when she is desperate and I will have to not fall into the trap of feeling sorry for her. I truly don't think she will make any effort to change as long as she thinks she has her family to fall back on. Also, we have just had enough. I see her true colors now. I want to be out of the crises and drama, I just don't care anymore.

    Molly will probably be released soon from psychiatric unit. She is anxious to get out, guess that is a good sign. They did neurological testing to rule out any physical reasons for her dissociative symptoms and found everything to be normal. The school district did arrange for a tutor for her but my husband talked to the tutor yesterday and she wants to do it at our house in the evenings. That is the last thing I want. I want her to do the tutoring at our local library during the day. Molly needs to be away from our house and all the triggers and she needs to have some structure to her day. I'll have to deal with all that today I guess. Soon I go to my acupuncture appointment.--so glad!

    Thanks as always,
  2. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    {{{hugs}}} sorry you are having to deal with all of this.

    Draw strength for the future "no's" to respond to your difficult child's request from the memory of this.

    in my opinion leaving a pet to fend for itself speaks volumes

    Keep posting, it helps you heal, wishing peace for you
  3. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Sounds like it's definatley time to detatch from Emily. She needs to realize she has to do this on her own and you are no longer there for her, until she starts making good decisions. My difficult child left a few apartments in that condition, but I didn't clean them up.

    Hope you can get the tutoring for Molly done outside of the house. Maybe if you explain your reasons, it won't be to difficult to explain.

    Thanks for the update. Go out and do something nice for yourself after all that cleaning you did this weekend.
  4. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Thanks, Guys,
    on my way to acupuncture--looking forward to relaxing there. Yes, Hearthope, leaving the rat to fend for himself does speak volumes about her character--good for me to know. The boyfriend is the one who brought the rat home back in Dec. and at that time I thought it was a bad idea. I knew he wouldn't be sticking around to care for it. Emily seemed attached to it but for her, "out of sight, out of mind." She's very good at just ignoring anything unpleasant in her life--you just smoke pot or drink and don't think about it.
  5. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I cannot believe what we parents go thru in a day! our lives can be totally bizarre and unnatural. no sense watching the latest movie or reading the gossip sheets. we know it well.
    you and your husband are good people. hope the girls one day are able to sit with you on lawn chairs sipping iced teas and talking about remember when we did this or that...with your happy healthy grandchildren at your feet playing.

    you deserve it.
  6. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Hi Ant's Mom,
    what a nice reply, thanks so much! Yes, our lives are so bizarre--that is one reason I love coming here. I can talk to normal people with bizarre lives and they understand!

    I called the SPCA and they really don't want the rat but will take him if I am desperate. I called Emily and asked her if she knows anyone who would take him since the SPCA doesn't want him. She said she might know someone and will call me back in 2 hrs. I said I would buy a cage if they need a cage. Hope they take him. I know Molly would like to keep him but I think that would send my husband over the edge...

    I am waiting to hear from the hospital social worker to hopefully know Molly's discharge date. I did have one good thing happen--I called a woman with an organization in our community called the Learning Web. They do all sorts of things for young people and they have paid and unpaid apprenticeships available. The woman already knows Molly since Molly was involved with them when she was in middle school doing service projects. Molly would like to do an apprenticeship and the woman will meet with her Thursday if she is out then. She says she can set it up pretty quickly. Molly would like to work at a museum in our town (Museum of the Earth) and she said they do have apprenticeships available there.

    Will let you know how things go....I am certainly on pins and needles right now over this rat.