Update on Cory

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DammitJanet, Apr 19, 2007.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Other post was getting long so I started this one.

    Thanks to everyone for the advice and I am going to be contacting everyone that you all advised me to contact.

    This morning I have been playing "get a quick law degree from dumb county NC" on the phone. The District Attorneys office doesnt even have his charges listed on their computer yet. Wonderful. They dont even have him listed as being in jail...oh goodie! Or even arrested...great system we have.

    So I called the Magistrates office and talked to them. I got more information there. It doesnt matter what he has done he has to be given a bail. Unless he commits murder. Even if the fact is that he is on probation, out on bail for another case and is picked up now that doesnt revoke his previous bond...nope...sorry...he gets another bail. HUH? Ok...let us get this straight.

    Cory has active probation from a case in Feb. 6 months.

    Arrested again in late feb or early march with trial date in june on a felony case. Out on bond.

    receives numerous traffic tickets.

    Now this case...they cant tell me exactly what they picked him up on other than that he had 1 felony larceny charge and multiple traffic tickets. I dont think they added the fleeing or the gun to it because they didnt see him with it. Maybe my word against his that he was in the house?

    Now I am waiting for the probation officer to call me back to pray that they will revoke his probation so that he CANT get out on bail. That is my last hope.

    Why cant these people see that if he gets out he is going to miss court at least once...he always does, and then if he gets out and does go to court, he will just keep doing the same things he has always done. The only other thing I can even think of doing is going for an involuntary commitment. I could probably call his old psychiatric doctor and explain the goings on and have him call the magistrate and try to get a commitment going. That might buy me at least 72 hours and if he shows out during that time even longer.

  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well...got up with domestic violence folks and they could help with the ex parte thing if I could get to them but I cant. I would have to leave my house in the next 30 mins to get to their office to fill out the paperwork and have it at the courthouse in time before the courthouse stops taking them for the day.

    I dont know anyone who could come get me. Sigh.
  3. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    sigh, Janet. it used to make me so mad when ant's actions caused me more trouble. like when he stole my car and took off for 11 days. I had to pay for him to go to Residential Treatment Center (RTC), pay to have my car fixed, go to numerous mtgs and make lots of phone calls. and...I was the victim.

    hpoe it gets better, Janet.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am giving up.

    I dont think its going to matter what I do and now I think his father is feeling sorry for him. Im not putting in the restraining order even though that was his fathers idea in the first place. He wanted one but now he wants to know why I wont accept his phone calls. Ugh. His dad wants me to go make sure his car is brought home from where it was left when they arrested him even though I have no means of transportation myself! And lets not forget the car is illegal as hell.

    The place it is at is wanting it gone...so I have to figure out how to go get it today. His dad "doesnt want him to lose it because then he wont even have the car to sleep in"...ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!

    Hello...can we not remember that Cory would have sold our car if he could have figured out how to do it?

    Oh well...I have tried. I swear, I think I am going to move myself out of this place when I ever get my disability and find a small subsidized apartment. No one will find me.
  5. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Janet, I just want you to know I'm thinking of you. I am without words. Please stay safe.
  6. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    PS if you want to drive north to VA, my couch is open to ya :)
  7. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Oh Janet,
    I am so sorry--this is just so unbelievable, especially your husband's reactions! I'd like to come over and move you out right now and only your cd friends would know how to find you.
    Thinking of you,
  8. Loris

    Loris New Member

    Janet, you stay in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry. You should't have to shoulder this nightmare! I hope someone gets hubby to open his eyes. Please stay safe.
  9. OpenWindow

    OpenWindow Active Member


    I'm sorry to hear all this. I don't know what to say. I think a lot of us could imagine ourselves in your position (I know I can) and we feel your pain and frustration.

    I hope difficult child stays in jail for awhile, so things can cool down. I don't know what else to suggest that others haven't said.

    And "ugh!" at your husband's attitude. Maybe he can come home and save difficult child's car himself.

    Hugs and prayers.

  10. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 14pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #990000"> i wouldn't lift a finger to retrieve corey's car. husband wants to help him....let husband do it.

    they do the same kind of thing down here....charges brought, bail set....more charges brought, bail set & so on & so on. then there is a tragedy & everyone is shocked that the guy was on th streets. &lt;sigh&gt; it's very frustrating.

    i would still try & find a way to get the RO. you don't want him camping you your home when he makes bail.

    </span> </span> </span>
  11. Steely

    Steely Active Member


    Just saw all of these posts, and my heart just breaks for you. Please know you are in my prayers, and thoughts.......I can literally feel your pain.

    I saw yesterday in Dallas that a man got out on 100K bail for murder. The victim's community was outraged, and started petitioning the courts. Long story short, they revoked his bail, re-arrested him, and set bail at like a million. I know your situation is not as dramatic, but just wondering if the other kids parents that were involved in this could also petition the courts for a higher bail. Maybe even getting your son, the cop, involved might have a greater impact. I know, by law, almost all people arrested have to have a bail set to them - but I think the key is to get it so high they cannot get out.

    Until then, I agree with you about getting him an involuntary committ....that would buy you a couple of days. I also agree with you possibly calling a domestic abuse hotline, and seeing how they can help you stay safe.

    I had a very simplified version of what you experienced last night. My son, 6' 2, threatening me in every way imaginable to get what he wanted. It is the worst situation possible, to feel a victim to the one who we birthed, nursed, loved, and cuddled unconditionally.
  12. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    I'm gobbsmacked by your husband reaction. Though, it certainly is not uncommon because they haven't had to suffer the majority of the consequences.I'm with Kris. Let husband figure out the car thing. Maybe some time sleeping on the streets might be in order. Let WHATEVER happen to the car.

    Please don't give up on the RO. I know your in a hard spot. Just don't give up. I'm worried for you.

    Who gives a rats patootie if he "wonders" why you won't take his calls? It's about time. All those years of "taking his calls" (so to speak) are over! It's a cold cruel world that doesn't give a :censored2:. Let him find that out. Too bad.

    I know I sound harsh, but please, do not put any pillows out there for him to land on. Not even a little one. Nothing.

    Please. Be safe. You are in my thoughts.
  13. Allan-Matlem

    Allan-Matlem Active Member

    Thomas Gordon , author of P.E.T says that a ' unitied front ' is generally unrealistic and sometimes you are unable to take advantage of a situation where there is tension between one parent and child , the other parent can step in and try take things forward. So husband stepping in may not be a bad idea, Cory is in husband's basket , you are out of all of this , husband has to protect you , address your safety concerns , and protect your honor with Cory.
    take care - sending positive thoughts and prayers

  14. Allan-Matlem

    Allan-Matlem Active Member

    Thomas Gordon , author of P.E.T says that a ' unitied front ' is generally unrealistic and sometimes you are unable to take advantage of a situation where there is tension between one parent and child , the other parent can step in and try take things forward. So husband stepping in may not be a bad idea, Cory is in husband's basket , you are out of all of this , husband has to protect you , address your safety concerns , and protect your honor with Cory.
    take care - sending positive thoughts and prayers

  15. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Oh Janet. I know that these cyberhugs aren't doing much, but they are all I can give right now.

    I have got to agree with the other posters. Leave that car right where it is. Let the police tow it to the pound. It is NOT up to you to bring that vehicle to the house. ESPECIALLY if you are getting an order of protection (and you OUGHT to be). IF he is not allowed on the property, well then bringing his car onto your property would just be silly, now wouldn't it?

    Know what else I would do? If you find out that he is bailed out, and you do not have an order of protection in place, get yourself and that baby to the nearest DV shelter. In fact I would call to get the information about its wherabouts now. They should send a cab for you if you don't have transportation. once you are there, you will have access to all kinds of resources that you may not have know about previously.

    The most important thing right now is NOT doing what your husband asks, it is keeping yourself out of harms way. And if that means getting out of that house, then do it. Be safe. Lots of hugs and prayers.
  16. mattsmom27

    mattsmom27 Active Member

    God it just doesn't get better does it Janet? So sorry :frown:

    I don't know if there is any way to stop bail and him getting out, it's a crazy system to say the least!!!!! Also, I would hate to see you and husband at war over Cory's acts. I hope that even though husband is wanting to make nice with Cory, that he is supportive of your position on this entire train wreck.

    IF you can find a ride to go get a order of protection in the next few days, well at least that stops him from coming around you and calling the house. If husband still wants contact, it will be away from you!

    This is one of those times I wish that I was stinking rich, I'd move you out of there anywher eyou wanted to go!

  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks everyone for being so supportive.

    I finally talked to Corys probation officer and I think we have a plan in place so I feel some better.

    I doubt he will be able to make bail because some of the charges he was arrested on were for traffic charges which means he would have to pay the traffic fines to get out of jail...nope...no money for those. Those add up quickly. Plus the felony larceny would probably be at least 2 grand in itself. So even if he got a bail bondsman to touch him he would probably need close to a couple of grand before he could walk...I doubt he can raise that much with loser druggy friends. Even if he sold his car to someone...it was only worth 650 when he bought it 3 weeks ago and it needs a new clutch and starter now.

    So the Probation officer said to just leave him where he is and let them do the speedy trial deal. Hopefully Cory will be smart enough to see he cant get out and go ahead and plead guilty since HE IS! Once he gets found guilty then the PO will get with the judge and they will decide to sentence him to serve time. Active time this time of at least a year he said. I think this is a good plan.

    Even if by some far stretch of the imagination Cory got out, the same plan would go into place as soon as he went into court and was found guilty. Which he would be eventually...the first time he was tried. He has multiple charges and court dates out there just waiting to be heard. He is a walking disaster waiting to happen.

    The PO was quite understanding with me. He listened when I told him he had a mental health diagnosis and that I had him in the system for years and that I had been trying to deal with this for years.
  18. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Janet, if he does get out on bail, the dv shelter is a very, very good idea! They would accept the baby too. I'm sure that if you had to enter the shelter, the dv group would come to pick you up. They do this all the time. The group I worked with was out at all hours of the night in three counties picking up women and their children and taking them to the shelter. And your location would be confidential - neither Cory or your husband would know where you were!

    Maybe that would finally get it through to both of them how serious this is! I can't believe your husband's reaction to all of this! And that he's still worried more about "poor Cory" and hanging you out to dry! The man has his head up his :censored2:!!!

    And don't you dare do one single thing about Cory's car! You owe him NOTHING! If husband wants it moved, let him do it! I can't believe either one of them had the nerve to ask you to do this! Scr*w the car!

    P.S. - I'm another one with a spare bedroom if you ever make it this far!
  19. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    It should be two separate things, Janet.

    The arrest is a new incident which will be treated separately.

    The probation has been violated by the arrest, therefore the probation should be revoked.


    Unfortunately, you will just have to keep rattling cages. Victim's assistance was a good idea as far as getting help with a ride to get a TOR.

    One day, someone is going to put all of the paperwork together (I hope you are keeping a file that contain only arrest reports and probation violations. Believe me, you give them that with a two sentence letter asking them to "please keep Corey in jail because of his repeated contacts with the law. See enclosed." they will sit up and take notice. Too many phone calls and long explanations strain their brains.

    Keep going, girlfriend!
  20. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member



    Now you're just being silly, Janet!


    Sorry, it had to be said. :redface: