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Parent Emeritus
Update on difficult child -- both bad and good (long, sorry!)
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 259746" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Esther, setting boundaries is good for all adult children. It's necessary for them to realize that they are separate from you. It's like cutting an invisible umbilical cord. </p><p></p><p>I come from a culture of nurturing single adult men way past the time they should be on their own. It is still thought a woman needs to take care of boys/men. I'm not buying into it. It's hard to change a learned behavior but I do them no favor by having them walk over me to get what they want in my own home. </p><p></p><p>We need to take the example of nature. Mother birds push the baby that lingers too long, out of the nest. It is for their own survival that she <strong>must</strong> do this. </p><p></p><p>Although you think you are doing this for you, nature has a way of making it the best choice for our children. You will always be his mother and will always be there to be an emotional support or to give advice if wanted but your job as main care taker and sponge for his abusive words is over. </p><p>I agree with your children that he is probably depressed or in need of some sort of mood stabilizer to help him function and/or hold a job. </p><p>Although you have not dealt with a life of drugs or crime which is a non productive type of functioning- Not managing a life is also a waste and a non productive life. </p><p>Hopefully you will find the right balance between a helpful parent with wise guidance and an enabler. You took the first big step by saying "I don't want you to move home". It doesn't matter the reason because what is good for the family unit(you) will be good for a difficult child. </p><p></p><p>Good luck and many hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 259746, member: 3"] Esther, setting boundaries is good for all adult children. It's necessary for them to realize that they are separate from you. It's like cutting an invisible umbilical cord. I come from a culture of nurturing single adult men way past the time they should be on their own. It is still thought a woman needs to take care of boys/men. I'm not buying into it. It's hard to change a learned behavior but I do them no favor by having them walk over me to get what they want in my own home. We need to take the example of nature. Mother birds push the baby that lingers too long, out of the nest. It is for their own survival that she [B]must[/B] do this. Although you think you are doing this for you, nature has a way of making it the best choice for our children. You will always be his mother and will always be there to be an emotional support or to give advice if wanted but your job as main care taker and sponge for his abusive words is over. I agree with your children that he is probably depressed or in need of some sort of mood stabilizer to help him function and/or hold a job. Although you have not dealt with a life of drugs or crime which is a non productive type of functioning- Not managing a life is also a waste and a non productive life. Hopefully you will find the right balance between a helpful parent with wise guidance and an enabler. You took the first big step by saying "I don't want you to move home". It doesn't matter the reason because what is good for the family unit(you) will be good for a difficult child. Good luck and many hugs. [/QUOTE]
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Update on difficult child -- both bad and good (long, sorry!)
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