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Update on difficult child -we are in Colorado and it just went pear-shaped...
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<blockquote data-quote="blackgnat" data-source="post: 598830" data-attributes="member: 13561"><p>Hello all. </p><p></p><p>I am back in Illinois after a fairly uneventful two day drive home. I left on Monday morning and had to be poured into the car. difficult child insisted on walking me to the car and I was weepy but resolute and told him that he needed to make the most of this fantastic opportunity to make a new start (one of many, I might add).</p><p></p><p>Then I drove and got all the way thru Nebraska before booking myself into a hotel in Iowa. Had a nice hot bubble bath and slept in a fabulous bed (after 9 nights on ex's floor). Next morning (yesterday) I got back to Illinois and relaxed. </p><p></p><p>During my journey home I had two calls from the difficult child but said I'd call when I was settled.</p><p></p><p>I spoke to him this morning and he was sounding very negative. I expected this. He told me that he suspected the dynamics would change after I'd left and they had. His dad gave him until July 1st to stay in the apartment. He actually knew this before I left-my ex said this while I was there. difficult child was probably high and didn't remember. He said he'd mastered the bus route and was talking to some "bums" at the Mental Health Center and he told them that he wanted more ink, as one of them is a tattoo artist. That's his priority? </p><p></p><p>Anyhoo. Before I left, ex set him up with a gmail phone number, was going to put some minutes on a mobile, got him a bus pass. He DOES have a kind side.</p><p></p><p>This morning difficult child told me that he feels like he is being "counted out"(by his dad) before he has even had a chance to prove himself. I told him that even before we left Illinois, he knew that he couldn't stay at his dad's indefinitely and that he needed to sort out his confusion. On one hand, he professes to want the street life and then on the other hand, he seems to want the security (or whatever it is) of his dad being there. He's feeling offended by his father's plan to have him out of there by July1. He said "I hate the way I'm being seen as expendable".</p><p></p><p>I can understand this-or is this my codependence speaking? I would imagine he's very fearful. I told him he had to keep moving forward and that over-medicating (with the klonopin and weed) will deplete his inner resources. I told him to rely on the social services to help him. I told him to talk to his father about any problems he's having. I said that as long as he is showing results then his dad is likely to be more compassionate.</p><p></p><p>I'm not sure what to think. My therapist told me to change my number (not up to that yet-I CAN just ignore it and will have to learn to ) because difficult child will be calling me from CO with his tales of woe. I think she's right. I really don't want a daily laundry list of how he's not happy. I don't want to play therapist and I think it's unhealthy on every level. I know that everyone needs to unload, but I don't think it serves a useful purpose for me to always be on hand to listen to him. That's why I took him out there, to take myself out of the equation and for him to start over without having me as the fallback.</p><p></p><p>Then again, does this mean he is condemned to a life of being a street person? A hopeless drug addict? Is he going to repeat the patterns of Illinois? I feel he can't see what an opportunity this is. He said "Well I'd rather do that here than in Illinois". And can I accept this without feeling that it's my fault?</p><p></p><p>I DO know the answers to these questions. I just have to go through the process of detachment.</p><p></p><p>Just venting. I have a lot of work to do on myself. Sigh.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for all the support and interest. All comments will be gratefully received. I will keep reading here until it sinks into my thick skull.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="blackgnat, post: 598830, member: 13561"] Hello all. I am back in Illinois after a fairly uneventful two day drive home. I left on Monday morning and had to be poured into the car. difficult child insisted on walking me to the car and I was weepy but resolute and told him that he needed to make the most of this fantastic opportunity to make a new start (one of many, I might add). Then I drove and got all the way thru Nebraska before booking myself into a hotel in Iowa. Had a nice hot bubble bath and slept in a fabulous bed (after 9 nights on ex's floor). Next morning (yesterday) I got back to Illinois and relaxed. During my journey home I had two calls from the difficult child but said I'd call when I was settled. I spoke to him this morning and he was sounding very negative. I expected this. He told me that he suspected the dynamics would change after I'd left and they had. His dad gave him until July 1st to stay in the apartment. He actually knew this before I left-my ex said this while I was there. difficult child was probably high and didn't remember. He said he'd mastered the bus route and was talking to some "bums" at the Mental Health Center and he told them that he wanted more ink, as one of them is a tattoo artist. That's his priority? Anyhoo. Before I left, ex set him up with a gmail phone number, was going to put some minutes on a mobile, got him a bus pass. He DOES have a kind side. This morning difficult child told me that he feels like he is being "counted out"(by his dad) before he has even had a chance to prove himself. I told him that even before we left Illinois, he knew that he couldn't stay at his dad's indefinitely and that he needed to sort out his confusion. On one hand, he professes to want the street life and then on the other hand, he seems to want the security (or whatever it is) of his dad being there. He's feeling offended by his father's plan to have him out of there by July1. He said "I hate the way I'm being seen as expendable". I can understand this-or is this my codependence speaking? I would imagine he's very fearful. I told him he had to keep moving forward and that over-medicating (with the klonopin and weed) will deplete his inner resources. I told him to rely on the social services to help him. I told him to talk to his father about any problems he's having. I said that as long as he is showing results then his dad is likely to be more compassionate. I'm not sure what to think. My therapist told me to change my number (not up to that yet-I CAN just ignore it and will have to learn to ) because difficult child will be calling me from CO with his tales of woe. I think she's right. I really don't want a daily laundry list of how he's not happy. I don't want to play therapist and I think it's unhealthy on every level. I know that everyone needs to unload, but I don't think it serves a useful purpose for me to always be on hand to listen to him. That's why I took him out there, to take myself out of the equation and for him to start over without having me as the fallback. Then again, does this mean he is condemned to a life of being a street person? A hopeless drug addict? Is he going to repeat the patterns of Illinois? I feel he can't see what an opportunity this is. He said "Well I'd rather do that here than in Illinois". And can I accept this without feeling that it's my fault? I DO know the answers to these questions. I just have to go through the process of detachment. Just venting. I have a lot of work to do on myself. Sigh. Thanks for all the support and interest. All comments will be gratefully received. I will keep reading here until it sinks into my thick skull. [/QUOTE]
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Update on difficult child -we are in Colorado and it just went pear-shaped...
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