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Parent Emeritus
Update on difficult child -we are in Colorado and it just went pear-shaped...
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 600268" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>Blackgnat, you have us. You are not alone with this, anymore.</p><p></p><p>That is so important.</p><p></p><p>Not a one of us is going to judge either you or your child, whatever happens next.</p><p></p><p>Each of us has walked through fire for her child blackgnat, just as you have. Each of us knows the horror ~ the true, endless, living horror of loving our stubborn, special, self-destructive children.</p><p></p><p>And blackgnat? Each of us is still standing...and you are, too.</p><p></p><p>You will make it through this. One day, you will feel a little more whole, a little stronger. Some days, you won't be doing so well. But every day blackgnat, you will be learning and healing and surviving and reclaiming your life. Not from your child, but from this hellish nightmare of guilt and pain and confusion. That is what this site is about. None of us really has any solutions. If there were any way to help our children, we would have done it and been long gone from the site.</p><p></p><p>We need one another, blackgnat, to share the pain and the little triumphs and the everyday, living horror of it all.</p><p></p><p>Here is something that helps me. Whether my child rejects me, hates me, ignores me, tells lies about me, hurts herself and others, the secret strength I have, and most of us here have blackgnat, is that my child does not have to love, approve of, or even like me for me to endlessly love her.</p><p></p><p>I love my child.</p><p></p><p>Nothing will change that.</p><p></p><p>I mourn her, I miss her, I rage at the unfairness what has happened, to her and to me and to all of us. But I love her with a mother's love blackgnat, just as you love your son. Whatever the tragedy in their lives, however awful the things they do or the things done to them...that is my daughter. I love her. She is worth it, worth every instant of it and more. If I am looking at the beginning of the end to my daughter's story (which I believe I may be)...then that is still my daughter. Somewhere in this world, whoever she becomes, there is a mother who knows the value in her, who sees so clearly who she really is, who will never give up on her, will never forget her, will always remember who she was, once.</p><p></p><p>There is strength in that kind of love, blackgnat.</p><p></p><p>That is the kind of love that asks nothing in return.</p><p></p><p>It isn't easy, for us. There is so little to be proud of, or happy for.</p><p></p><p>No, really ~ it is never going to be an easy, or even, a pleasant thing to love our difficult child kids.</p><p></p><p>But there is strength there, blackgnat, for you, and for your son.</p><p></p><p>It doesn't matter what he does, really. Love him through it. We need to be healthy enough not to enable. We need to try so hard to respond appropriately when all we want to do is bring them home, forever.</p><p></p><p>We would love them the same way if they were perfect. That our children are troubled just means that our children are troubled. So much of the joy we might have taken is, for us and for our children, tragic, instead.</p><p></p><p>That's okay. </p><p></p><p>It's okay, blackgnat.</p><p></p><p>One way or another, everything is going to be alright.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 600268, member: 1721"] Blackgnat, you have us. You are not alone with this, anymore. That is so important. Not a one of us is going to judge either you or your child, whatever happens next. Each of us has walked through fire for her child blackgnat, just as you have. Each of us knows the horror ~ the true, endless, living horror of loving our stubborn, special, self-destructive children. And blackgnat? Each of us is still standing...and you are, too. You will make it through this. One day, you will feel a little more whole, a little stronger. Some days, you won't be doing so well. But every day blackgnat, you will be learning and healing and surviving and reclaiming your life. Not from your child, but from this hellish nightmare of guilt and pain and confusion. That is what this site is about. None of us really has any solutions. If there were any way to help our children, we would have done it and been long gone from the site. We need one another, blackgnat, to share the pain and the little triumphs and the everyday, living horror of it all. Here is something that helps me. Whether my child rejects me, hates me, ignores me, tells lies about me, hurts herself and others, the secret strength I have, and most of us here have blackgnat, is that my child does not have to love, approve of, or even like me for me to endlessly love her. I love my child. Nothing will change that. I mourn her, I miss her, I rage at the unfairness what has happened, to her and to me and to all of us. But I love her with a mother's love blackgnat, just as you love your son. Whatever the tragedy in their lives, however awful the things they do or the things done to them...that is my daughter. I love her. She is worth it, worth every instant of it and more. If I am looking at the beginning of the end to my daughter's story (which I believe I may be)...then that is still my daughter. Somewhere in this world, whoever she becomes, there is a mother who knows the value in her, who sees so clearly who she really is, who will never give up on her, will never forget her, will always remember who she was, once. There is strength in that kind of love, blackgnat. That is the kind of love that asks nothing in return. It isn't easy, for us. There is so little to be proud of, or happy for. No, really ~ it is never going to be an easy, or even, a pleasant thing to love our difficult child kids. But there is strength there, blackgnat, for you, and for your son. It doesn't matter what he does, really. Love him through it. We need to be healthy enough not to enable. We need to try so hard to respond appropriately when all we want to do is bring them home, forever. We would love them the same way if they were perfect. That our children are troubled just means that our children are troubled. So much of the joy we might have taken is, for us and for our children, tragic, instead. That's okay. It's okay, blackgnat. One way or another, everything is going to be alright. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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Update on difficult child -we are in Colorado and it just went pear-shaped...
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