Update on difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mattsmom27, Jan 31, 2007.

  1. mattsmom27

    mattsmom27 Active Member

    difficult child has been back home from his trial living away at home, looking for greener pastures :wink:, for over 3 months now. I knew his impeccable behaviour was the honeymoon period and I knew he had to take time to get comfortable back home again before any issues would crop up.
    As soon as school went back after Christmas holidays I noticed more homework resistance, he has always had homework issues. Many times it escalated to near violence from difficult child at the mere mention of it. It was nothing like that this past few weeks but he started being belligerent, very negative and using a tone of voice that is just not going to work for me. Period. So we have had some near misses the past few weeks. His old negativity about pretty much everything (old difficult child) surfaced also in terms of a basketball tournament this past weekend. He has also really done nothing in terms of helping around the house. He will clean his room of dirty clothes etc but where he'd been keeping it clean other ways, it was slipping and I would have to turn into "the nag" to get him to pick up.
    So following the bad attitude over the tournament, the negativity, phone call regarding his grades from the school and his slowly escalating scathing attitude in his voice, I thought I'd turn the tables for a change. I figure he is old enough to get the whole "irony" concept now. I had nothing to lose.
    So Monday night come dinner time, mama hadn't cooked a thing, nothing taken out of freezer. He was pestering, when is dinner, what is happening, why isn't supper cooking what are we going to eat??? I just kept saying "I dunno" and rolling my eyes, very subtly but ensuring he'd see it, while I'd walk away to my room to read a book a few minutes or zone out on the computer or watching t.v. He was like "what??" :wink:
    Finally when he was near rioting for food at 6p.m. I told him "I just don't wanna do it". He asked why. I said it's too hard. It is just not fair that I have to do it every day. It just sucks having to do something each and every day without a break. He wasn't catching on to my play on his homework comments, but he was catching on that no dinner was coming. He didn't like it. I finally told him just do whatever you want for dinner because it really isn't that important.
    Later that evening he was wanting to watch t.v. in my room with me. I spend alot of time in bed when I'm not well (neuro issues) so I had moved my big screen t.v. and surround sound etc in there for those times so I dont go nuts laying in bed. He loves hanging with me in there. So in he comes to my room. I just said, I'm not watching t.v. It sucks doing the same thing every single day. I'm going to just read my book. Of course he knew I had laundry to finish, dishes to clean in the kitchen, etc etc. I know he figured I'd do those things, leaving my room open for him to use the t.v. Nope. I didn't do a thing. I read my book and was very negative every time he asked me for something etc.
    Finally he said "Why are you so mad mom? What is going on?".
    So I told him. Isn't the negativity horrible to live with? You got a couple of hours of it. Imagine how I feel when you have soooo far from a rough life, and everything is negative? Imagine hearing this every single night about your homework? Imagine if my job (cooking, cleaning etc) didn't get done because I refused to do something each day because it "wasnt' fair?". How did it feel asking over and over again for dinner and getting responses like that, and still ending up with no dinner? That is how i feel when I ask for your help.
    I told him I am so proud of how hard he has been working and how well he is holding things together. That it is so noticable that he is maturing and making such positive changes. But that some of the old difficult child was creeping back in and I just wanted to show him how it feels living with someone wrapped up in negative thinking and behaviours all of the time. He finally started grinning and said "got it mom". I think he really did, and without getting angry about it either.
    So he's been picking up for himself. He has done his homework all week without a war. He even finally utilized his hour in the resource room (during french period daily, he is exempt) to do some of the work he normally would have to bring home.
    He broke up with his g/f (first one ever) yesterday. The reason, I kid you not, because he isn't focusing on school work and doesnt' want to fail , his grades have never been so poor and he doesn't have enough time between school, basketball, and trying to bond again with his family to fit in the time that is necessary to be a good b/f. He even let her down gently and when she cried showed true empathy. He told her that he would love to try again later if his grades improve etc but right now he is overwhelmed and he has to get focused. Unbelievable!!!!
    So, things aren't perfect in the house but they keep getting better and better. Who knew????

  2. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    What a positive update! I like your way of making a point to difficult child. He seems to be maturing. :bravo:

  3. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    so cute how he handled the girlfriend :wink:
    they do learn but slowly. ant has been home almost 5 months. today he amazed me by waking with a sore throat, choosing to go to work and asking me to call the doctor so he can go later.
    time was he would have laid in bed and whined. small steps to big improvements are so appreciated!
  4. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    Wow, I'm impressed!! That's fantastic that he handled all of this so well! By the way, I'll have to borrow the tactic you used at some point. I only hope I have such a good result!!
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow! Congratulations!

    I've tried shades of that but my difficult child denies acting like that. Maybe it's a matter of maturity?

    I hope it all continues. Good for you. I've got my fingers crossed for your continuing success.
  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    :bravo: to you for creative thinking and to your difficult child for his amazing follow through.
    "I love when a plan comes together" (Mr. T) -RM