update on difficult child

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearthope, Mar 18, 2007.

  1. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    My easy child gave me my backbone I couldn't seem to find.

    difficult child was picking at her and she called me at the shop. husband was with me so I was able to leave him there as I rushed home to 'fix' the problem.

    I began the conversation with " the first time you speak disrespectful to me you WILL leave"

    Everything was laid on the table, I held nothing back. easy child won't stand up to him and all of that was addressed as well.

    He said he wouldn't sign a contract and I said fine you can leave now. He changed his mind.

    All in all it went well. I stood my ground and didn't give an inch, I guess I had to get to the point that I could mean what I said and if he didn't like it I was ready to open the door for him to leave and not look back.
    It ended with him hugging his sister and me telling him that there will never be anyone else that loves him like his sis and I do. I think it touched us all.

    But I had to get to the point of anger to be able to stand my ground and he knows without a doubt that the very next time he starts his stuff ~ he will have to find somewhere else to go.

    I even went so far to tell him he will leave the minute he starts and he will have 1 week from that day to get all his belongings that he wants and after that week his things will be gone and he will not be able to stay here again. I told him he could visit if he chose to respect us all, but never again would he have the chance to live here.

    I feel like a new woman. easy child feels like a load has been lifted off her shoulders and husband is just waiting to see what happens.
     
  2. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    :smile:

    Hearthope, you are my hero!

    Barbara

    :bravo:

    ............................. :smile:
     
  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good for you, hearthope. It is a liberating feeling when we finally reach the end of the rope and realize things have to change ~ one way or another.

    He will test you to see if you mean it. Stay strong.

    ~Kathy
     
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    My thoughts align with Kathy's.

    No doubt he will test your resolve. It might not be today or this week, but he will. I'm sending additional polish for your :warrior: armor to keep it shiny for when you need it again.

    Good job! :thumbsup:

    Suz
     
  5. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Thank you all for the support! I surely need it!

    I have had a light bulb moment!!!

    He can only do as much damage as I allow and I have had the habit of allowing him to be in charge.

    I have taken control and demand that if he resides here he must live by the law.

    He balked everything I said, but I followed every demand with the statement you are welcome to leave and pay for your own place so you can live by your rules, but if you live here you have to live by my rules.

    I had never talked like that to him and I know it made all the difference. I was giving him an out and letting him make the choice.

    We all deserve a happy life. I will no longer let difficult child suck the happiness out of our lives.
    If he chooses to continue to use and destroy his future, that is his choice.
    He has been given all the tools to control his addiction and he was raised better than how he is living. He is chosing his path and I have no control over it.

    The only control I have is letting him be in my home or not.
     
  6. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">We all deserve a happy life. I will no longer let difficult child suck the happiness out of our lives.
    If he chooses to continue to use and destroy his future, that is his choice.
    He has been given all the tools to control his addiction and he was raised better than how he is living. He is chosing his path and I have no control over it.

    The only control I have is letting him be in my home or not. </div></div>

    These words need to go in the archives. Detachment 101 "final" and hearthope you scored 100%...
     
  7. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Yay, Hearthope! Great job! I know exactly what you mean by having to get angry--you finally reached the end of your rope. It sure is a liberating feeling when you realize you actually do have control! Let us know how things go...as the others said, I am sure you will be tested!
    Jane
     
  8. Loris

    Loris New Member

    May you give us all strength! I'm sorry you were pushed to that point, but glad you were strong!
     
  9. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: hearthope</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

    He can only do as much damage as I allow and I have had the habit of allowing him to be in charge.

    I have taken control

    I had never talked like that to him and I know it made all the difference.

    We all deserve a happy life. I will no longer let difficult child suck the happiness out of our lives.

    If he chooses to continue to use and destroy his future, that is his choice.

    He has been given all the tools to control his addiction and he was raised better than how he is living.

    He is chosing his path and I have no control over it.

    </div></div>

    *****************

    Hearthope.

    Wow.

    I don't have a printer here, so I actually wrote most of your post out longhand.

    I absolutely do think this should go into the PE archives.

    Your post is so clear, hearthope.

    Short and sweet.

    I agree that difficult child will test and test you.

    Perhaps you should copy this post, too.

    I am keeping mine by the phone, and intend to bring it with me when we go back up north.

    Very nicely done, hearthope!

    Barbara

    :bravo:
     
  10. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Wow!!! You go girl!!!!!!
     
  11. AliceLee

    AliceLee New Member

    Way to go, Hearthope! I just knew that armour in your closet would still fit!!! :warrior:
     
  12. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Hearthope!

    You, girlfriend, like, totally, ROCK! :thumbsup:
     
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