Update on difficult child's move and the dog --update

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Nancy, Mar 3, 2012.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child did not get the uhaul today because the guy who was going to help her never showed up and wouldn't answer his phone...no surprise there. In the meantime she tried to use her mastercard to pay for the uhaul before she knew he was a no-show and it was declined. After talking to the bank I discovered she had a $212 balance on the card and her limit is $300. So much for being responsible with her credit card and I promptly called the bank manager and explained my dissatisfaction over them giving her a car against my advice.

    Long story short, she agreed she should not have a credit card. husband took her to bank and agreed to pay off the balance if she would cancel the card in front of him which she did.

    So we are left with trying to find a mover to mover the couches from here and the bed and tv from her old apartment into her new apartment.

    But the biggest news is that she said she was taking the dog back today and realized she could not take care of it. She said she got no sleep last night and she has to keep the cat looked in another room because the cat is afraid of it. I hugged her and told her I was very proud that she can to that decision on her own.

    So we loaded up her car and my SUV and she left to return the dog. We will drive over there when she calls to unload our car. I'll let you know what I find at her apartment later. We are finding that with her things change in a minute.

    Last edited: Mar 3, 2012
  2. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Nancy, i know it will be a tough day. Am so proud she decided against the dog. That's growth and maturity!!

    Allowing your husband to close the card is good too. Do you know about credit freezes? It might be a good thing as it would make it harder for her to open a new card on a whim.

    Praying for a peaceful transition for all of you!
  3. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    I'm sure it will be a long day for you and h. Your difficult child is taking baby steps toward maturity & responsibility, but these are all positive signs for her. I am so glad she decided not to keep the dog, because this is really the last thing she needs right now. Stay strong today. HUGS...
  4. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    TELL husband TO PAY IT OFF IN CASH!!!

    I did the same with my difficult child. I paid by check. But I learned they won't close the account until the check clears. I offered to get the money from the ATM in the lobby instead but difficult child said - no big deal. Within the 3 day waiting period, difficult child called to stop the closures of the accounts.

    Also, difficult child either reopened his existing cc account or opened a new one with the same bank. I wrote to the bank (actually a university credit union) expressed my displeasure, told them I believed they were violating the Card Act of 2009 (Basically,"Credit for young consumers: Ban credit cards for people under 21 unless they have a co-signer or proof that they have income to pay them back, Bans pre-screening and pre approved credit cards, and the Under 21 year old has get permission from co-signer to increase credit limits on joint accounts ") I provided copies of the cleared check I had written for the past due balance, which stated "TO CLOSE ACCOUNT" on it and emphasized that my son does not have a job and had been suspended from school and that I would not pay it off again. I filed a complaint with the FTC and my US congressman. I got a lot of response - the complaint was forwarded around and got a lot of attention. But the credit union was non nonplussed and dismissive. I basically got a "F/U - this is none of your business, we're not releasing any of the information we used to open/reopen this credit card and we followed the laws so butt out you overbearing mother" from the bank's president and when he was forced to respond to the agencies and my Congressman - he sent them copies of that letter and that was it. I think I posted on here that I was doing it - and you posted you had done a similar thing with a dept store credit card. It was partially vindictive, I was plenty mad- but I was also hoping that this would cause someone within the bank to take a second look at difficult child's credit history (he was way past due when I paid it off) and current employment and at least limit his credit if not cut him off. Trying to save him from himself yet again.

    just a been there done that

    At least it is "only" $300 - difficult child had a credit line of $1600+
  5. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Nancy, I typed that so fast because I wanted to make the "cash" point ASAP that I forgot to say:

    HOORAY for signs of sober thinking. I am glad she took the dog back and is staying in touch and seems to be trying to act purposely mature. I know she isn't where we would all like her to be - but she's come a long way and I truly hope she keeps moving forward in a positive manner.

    And forgive me for being a budinski - but with the comments in the last thread about the furniture -- would you consider giving her "just" the loveseat? She's a single girl in an apartment - surely she doesn't need seating for 6. (if you don't mind storing the couch) If things work out, you can move the couch there in 6 months or so. If things don't work out & the stuff in her apt gets left behind - the couch is safe and sound. (and available for easy child or difficult child should they need it)

    Just a thought (yes an "overthinked" thought LOL)
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    He paid it thru our account by transferring money from our checking to the MasterCard since it is a bank card. It is closed. Yes she can apply for another credit card and probably get one since she has income but I can't stop that. Hoping she learned a lesson. Sig I am with you on my outrage of how banks and credit card companies will let anyone open credit and they prey in young people who are irresponsible. And we wonder why so many people lost their houses in this country.


    Ps on my way now I'll respond more later but Sig you have a good point.
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    We are back and exhausted. I'm too old for this. I did as much as I could, the landlord painted but certainly didn't clean it. I got shower curtains up around the tub so at least she can shower now. We put some food things in the cupboard and freezer from our house and put away the dishes and pots I bought and unpacked boxes and tried as best I could to make the place look liveable.

    I do believe she made a very responsible decision about the dog and also about realizing she can't have a credit card so that give me hope. She was very appreciative for our help today. We still have to figure out how to get the rest of the furniture moved, we have no strong men in our family that can help. She said she is askign around trying to get some AA friends to help her move it.

    Sig I really appreciate telling me about paying off the account in cash. My husband said it dawned on him when he went there so fortunatley he paid it in cash. Aslo I love the idea about the couch. After seeing the apartment I suggested to her that she only take the couch and we have two chairs she can have because I was going to get rid of them anyway. I feel much better about leaving the love seat here. So I showed her where it could go and hopefully she will go for it. I like the way you think.

    husband and I are going to grill steaks and then I think I will go to bed. I have been so stressed about this move and the whole dog situation that I haven't slept well in days.

  8. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    cy that is great that she came to the decision that she cannot handle the dog at this point. I hope her apartment is a pleasant surprise?. I hope you can get everything moved in, and this is a step in the right direction for her.
  9. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    It sounds like she is making some good decisions... and even though it is possible there is some relapsing going on, I am guessing that when she is really using she is not thankful for your help. I knew my difficult child was either relapsing or close to it when we visited him because of how he treated us... he can be nice over the phone but seeing us in person he could not keep it up and that is what clued me in.

    So here is hoping the apartment works out ... she is working and she is talking about AA friends. That is all good.

  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Personally I absolutely hate the moving thing. been there done that so many times and each time like a doe doe (phonetic cause I'm tired) we have given our furniture, used our truck. Sigh! I am hoping that your difficult child will be different from our difficult child's. Hugs. DDD
  11. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Enjoy your steaks and rest. Hope you sleep well. Good for difficult child and her good decisions today!
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like she made some good forward steps today. Hope you and husband had a peaceful evening.
  13. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hope that you were finally able to get a good night's sleep!

  14. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Gosh I was hoping to get a good night's rest too but I tossed and turned. She needs so many things for the apt just to make it liveable and so of course my mind was going all night long. I ran out this morning to get a vacuum cleaner from costc because she has none and the carpet really needs vacuuming. And I had to get something to put on her bedroom window for privacy because the freeway is literally in her backyard. So I'm meeting her on her lunch hour to give her the stuff, and then hopefully going to the auto show with husband.

  15. buddy

    buddy New Member

    you are such a nice mom....she is a lucky girl. And how cool you can have some typical worries and moments (I know the others are still there but you know what I mean)....
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Nancy...will you adopt me? LOL

    I dont get how so many young kids get credit cards when I cant get one! I just paid off my car on time, even two months early in fact. Never missed a payment, was exactly on time because it was debited out of my checking account.