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General Parenting
Update on difficult child's Status- Very Long
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 478873" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Here's the issue- one of them- the people running the group home are the same people who will be doing the monitoring and caseworker so difficult child doesn't have all those appts when living there- and no ankle bracelet when living there. All that starts up when he moves in with me- along with 30 days house arrest to start off with. That's what led to my question about why does this get stricter once difficult child lives with me. The lady said "oh, because he's supervised when he lives in the group home". I got a tad defensive then over that implying that he wasn't superviseed at home. And WTH- if he's not on an ankle bracelet and they don't have staff who stays awake 24/7, even she admitted there was nothing to stop difficult child from sneaking out at night or walking off from school and being truant. These were the issues we had when difficult child was released before. AND after earning his way out of the group home, he then moves in with me with no less monitoring or face-to-face meeting requirements than he'd have if he came straight home. I don't mind at all if they are using typical things to motivate him. I just don't want 'moving back in with mom' to be the motivator because then once he moves back in with me, what's supposed to motivate him? Especially the first time he gets mad at me? He has to learn that there are other things to get motivated about and view our relationship separate, in my humble opinion.</p><p></p><p>This re-entry program is the only choice for a group home- they only have 2, both in this general area, and I had already advocated for one due to sd requirements and the other one blowing any opportunity for difficult child to still get an advanced diploma that he says he wants, even though he reeally probably won't stick to it. Still, the other one will be worse for educational opportunities. I don't know about taking stuff there but I was told parents can visit and the kid gets a pass to leave with a parent for a short period after they do well for one month. Then that time is gradullay increased as the boy progresses.</p><p></p><p>As far as family therapy, I love the idea of them transporting difficult child but I don't know that they will. They have a so-called family therapy that is a requirement for both the boys and the parents if the boy is in the group home but it most-assuredly is the behavior contract they want set up before the boy returns home. I said that at the meeting and the re-entry lady didn't deny that. See, these re-entry people basicly take over the parole requirements and parental decisions, not just while in the group home, but for a min of 90 days after the kid comes home. That puts it around 9-11 mos before difficult child ends up home with just typical parole requirements. That would be worth it I guess, if I thought it was the magic ticket to difficult child's success. But in all honestly, I don't think it is. It isn't tailored to a boy's specific areas of risks, mainly. For instance, difficult child needs that ankle bracelet for a while whether he comes straight home or goes to the group home. Their whole approach is to deal with kids who weren't supervised at home. difficult child normally didn't disappear in the evenings after school and if he did, he knew I'd tell PO, and I did- the same as these people will. But they have no more than I did to prevent difficult child from sneaking out at night or leaving school if he's not on the bracelet. </p><p></p><p>The only things this group home offers that I think is needed is that time to do some family therapy- to deal with all this resentment, fear, his issues with me, etc. That is important, if they will transport him and if the therapy really helps. But, is it worth getting difficult child caught up in this program, which really is more punishment and them taking over our lives for 9-11 months, then still having regular parole requirements? Can family therapy solve enough to make it worth it and give difficult child a better chance and relieve my fears enough once he's living with me? Or are we just prolonging the inevitible with this group home placement first? Will it help difficult child stop and think and change his mind the next time he has the urge to grab a steak knife and rob me and bust out the door to disappear and do Lord knows what and come back stoned and burnt or cut?</p><p></p><p>What I'm not sure about is that dss wouldn't take difficult child into one of their group homes (I do agree that they aren't going to put him into a family foster home, given his juvie offenses against me). But, in a dss group home, I can't imagine that they'd require a kid to have a certain length of stay where he had to earn his way out- they want them out as soon as they can get them home due to costs and limited openings, right? But, if I took the abandmont route (my least favorite choice), they would hold difficult child in Department of Juvenile Justice until PO and dss worked a plan out with courts and that probablly would lead to this re-entry group home. If I get an attnyy and talk with dss about a short term group home placement thru them, that would take some time and PO would be involved and that's when dss would be trying to get all services provided thru Department of Juvenile Justice because they don't want to spend any of their money on a kid in the Department of Juvenile Justice system/funding pool. So, ssmall chance of winning and causing difficult child to be held in Department of Juvenile Justice until it all got settled.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 478873, member: 3699"] Here's the issue- one of them- the people running the group home are the same people who will be doing the monitoring and caseworker so difficult child doesn't have all those appts when living there- and no ankle bracelet when living there. All that starts up when he moves in with me- along with 30 days house arrest to start off with. That's what led to my question about why does this get stricter once difficult child lives with me. The lady said "oh, because he's supervised when he lives in the group home". I got a tad defensive then over that implying that he wasn't superviseed at home. And WTH- if he's not on an ankle bracelet and they don't have staff who stays awake 24/7, even she admitted there was nothing to stop difficult child from sneaking out at night or walking off from school and being truant. These were the issues we had when difficult child was released before. AND after earning his way out of the group home, he then moves in with me with no less monitoring or face-to-face meeting requirements than he'd have if he came straight home. I don't mind at all if they are using typical things to motivate him. I just don't want 'moving back in with mom' to be the motivator because then once he moves back in with me, what's supposed to motivate him? Especially the first time he gets mad at me? He has to learn that there are other things to get motivated about and view our relationship separate, in my humble opinion. This re-entry program is the only choice for a group home- they only have 2, both in this general area, and I had already advocated for one due to sd requirements and the other one blowing any opportunity for difficult child to still get an advanced diploma that he says he wants, even though he reeally probably won't stick to it. Still, the other one will be worse for educational opportunities. I don't know about taking stuff there but I was told parents can visit and the kid gets a pass to leave with a parent for a short period after they do well for one month. Then that time is gradullay increased as the boy progresses. As far as family therapy, I love the idea of them transporting difficult child but I don't know that they will. They have a so-called family therapy that is a requirement for both the boys and the parents if the boy is in the group home but it most-assuredly is the behavior contract they want set up before the boy returns home. I said that at the meeting and the re-entry lady didn't deny that. See, these re-entry people basicly take over the parole requirements and parental decisions, not just while in the group home, but for a min of 90 days after the kid comes home. That puts it around 9-11 mos before difficult child ends up home with just typical parole requirements. That would be worth it I guess, if I thought it was the magic ticket to difficult child's success. But in all honestly, I don't think it is. It isn't tailored to a boy's specific areas of risks, mainly. For instance, difficult child needs that ankle bracelet for a while whether he comes straight home or goes to the group home. Their whole approach is to deal with kids who weren't supervised at home. difficult child normally didn't disappear in the evenings after school and if he did, he knew I'd tell PO, and I did- the same as these people will. But they have no more than I did to prevent difficult child from sneaking out at night or leaving school if he's not on the bracelet. The only things this group home offers that I think is needed is that time to do some family therapy- to deal with all this resentment, fear, his issues with me, etc. That is important, if they will transport him and if the therapy really helps. But, is it worth getting difficult child caught up in this program, which really is more punishment and them taking over our lives for 9-11 months, then still having regular parole requirements? Can family therapy solve enough to make it worth it and give difficult child a better chance and relieve my fears enough once he's living with me? Or are we just prolonging the inevitible with this group home placement first? Will it help difficult child stop and think and change his mind the next time he has the urge to grab a steak knife and rob me and bust out the door to disappear and do Lord knows what and come back stoned and burnt or cut? What I'm not sure about is that dss wouldn't take difficult child into one of their group homes (I do agree that they aren't going to put him into a family foster home, given his juvie offenses against me). But, in a dss group home, I can't imagine that they'd require a kid to have a certain length of stay where he had to earn his way out- they want them out as soon as they can get them home due to costs and limited openings, right? But, if I took the abandmont route (my least favorite choice), they would hold difficult child in Department of Juvenile Justice until PO and dss worked a plan out with courts and that probablly would lead to this re-entry group home. If I get an attnyy and talk with dss about a short term group home placement thru them, that would take some time and PO would be involved and that's when dss would be trying to get all services provided thru Department of Juvenile Justice because they don't want to spend any of their money on a kid in the Department of Juvenile Justice system/funding pool. So, ssmall chance of winning and causing difficult child to be held in Department of Juvenile Justice until it all got settled. [/QUOTE]
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