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Update on easy child's razor in the backpack
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 106500" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>That would give her difficult child status in my eyes - or at least, easy child/difficult child status (I have one of those). </p><p></p><p>The blade - I'm wondering if she is cutting (or contemplating cutting). easy child 2/difficult child 2 was VERY secretive about it, she used her weird 'fashion' designs to cover up her arms. because she's a redhead, she claimed she needed to cover her arms even in summer, to protect herself from the sun. But she wouldn't take off the long sleeves after dark and I KNOW she felt the heat... finally it was easy child, sharing a room with her, who saw the scars and realised she was cutting. At the time she had easy child status.</p><p></p><p>Now, of course, she has permanent scars on her arms, some are raised. You can see the white criss-cross lines. She's no longer trying to hide them although if a stranger asks what they are I think she has a fanciful story for it, like "I fell through a plate glass window" or something.</p><p></p><p>I'd be getting your 'easy child' into counselling, fast. Being a easy child in a family with a difficult child is not healthy, it can be really damaging. They can feel neglected, unheard, in a lot of emotional pain but reluctant to talk to us for fear of increasing our burden. I remember being grateful that easy child 2/difficult child 2 was so easy, so able to manage hr own issues, working so well at school. None of it was true, it was all an act designed to make us feel everything was OK when it wasn't.</p><p></p><p>Cutting isn't necessarily a cry for attention. For easy child 2/difficult child 2, it was a way of trying to find a physical response to the emotional pain she was feeling: "If I feel this bad, I should be bleeding." It's as if the sight of the blood calmed her, so she could tell herself, "See? NOW there is a good reason for all this pain I'm feeling; I'm injured, that must be it." Even though she was herself causing those injuries.</p><p>difficult child 1 was doing it too but we knew about it. He would cut when extremely upset, such as when he broke up with a girlfriend. For him, it seemed to be more like self-punishment. "She left me because I'm not good enough, I must be bad for her to leave me, I should be punished, nobody else is doing it so I will."</p><p></p><p>All I can say is that if this is what she is doing, she will probably lie about it as if her life depends on it, and the lying can then spill over into other areas of dysfunction, making it all worse. This makes her feel more worthless and more hateful, makes it all go into a downward spiral. The emotional pain is intense but she won't tell you about it willingly, you've got too much to worry about already (and she considers herself worthless, doesn't she?) </p><p></p><p>I hope I'm wrong, but I feel what she told her mother was the truth - she needed the blade to cut something that scissors wouldn't do the job properly.</p><p></p><p>If she isn't already seeing a GOOD counsellor, I'd organise it. Maybe mention quietly to the counsellor your concern that she could be cutting, and hiding it. Even if I'm wrong, I think she needs to see a counsellor.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 106500, member: 1991"] That would give her difficult child status in my eyes - or at least, easy child/difficult child status (I have one of those). The blade - I'm wondering if she is cutting (or contemplating cutting). easy child 2/difficult child 2 was VERY secretive about it, she used her weird 'fashion' designs to cover up her arms. because she's a redhead, she claimed she needed to cover her arms even in summer, to protect herself from the sun. But she wouldn't take off the long sleeves after dark and I KNOW she felt the heat... finally it was easy child, sharing a room with her, who saw the scars and realised she was cutting. At the time she had easy child status. Now, of course, she has permanent scars on her arms, some are raised. You can see the white criss-cross lines. She's no longer trying to hide them although if a stranger asks what they are I think she has a fanciful story for it, like "I fell through a plate glass window" or something. I'd be getting your 'easy child' into counselling, fast. Being a easy child in a family with a difficult child is not healthy, it can be really damaging. They can feel neglected, unheard, in a lot of emotional pain but reluctant to talk to us for fear of increasing our burden. I remember being grateful that easy child 2/difficult child 2 was so easy, so able to manage hr own issues, working so well at school. None of it was true, it was all an act designed to make us feel everything was OK when it wasn't. Cutting isn't necessarily a cry for attention. For easy child 2/difficult child 2, it was a way of trying to find a physical response to the emotional pain she was feeling: "If I feel this bad, I should be bleeding." It's as if the sight of the blood calmed her, so she could tell herself, "See? NOW there is a good reason for all this pain I'm feeling; I'm injured, that must be it." Even though she was herself causing those injuries. difficult child 1 was doing it too but we knew about it. He would cut when extremely upset, such as when he broke up with a girlfriend. For him, it seemed to be more like self-punishment. "She left me because I'm not good enough, I must be bad for her to leave me, I should be punished, nobody else is doing it so I will." All I can say is that if this is what she is doing, she will probably lie about it as if her life depends on it, and the lying can then spill over into other areas of dysfunction, making it all worse. This makes her feel more worthless and more hateful, makes it all go into a downward spiral. The emotional pain is intense but she won't tell you about it willingly, you've got too much to worry about already (and she considers herself worthless, doesn't she?) I hope I'm wrong, but I feel what she told her mother was the truth - she needed the blade to cut something that scissors wouldn't do the job properly. If she isn't already seeing a GOOD counsellor, I'd organise it. Maybe mention quietly to the counsellor your concern that she could be cutting, and hiding it. Even if I'm wrong, I think she needs to see a counsellor. Marg [/QUOTE]
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