Update on meeting - sorry this took so long....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Dec 15, 2007.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    All in all the tweedles had a good first meeting....they both were very excited to see one another.

    There was a great deal of prep work on both ends; both by the in home tdocs & husband, myself, foster mum & dad. Boundaries being the biggest issues; competition the next.

    I'm not sure about wm, but kt wanted to bring & "show" wm every single computer game she owns, has owned & plans to own in the future. Knowing wm, he had the same ideas about gameboy games or some such thing. There has always been a high level of "I'm better than you are" between the two of them. Doesn't matter what we're talking about.

    Even though gifts were "nixed" wm snuck one in for kt. Of course, kt was guilt ridden.

    Having said that, there were some very dark & disturbing issues brought up by wm that have been totally blocked from kt's memory. As kt's agitation level went through the roof she was removed from the office to another office with the 2 female tdocs.

    wm was confused & just a tad angry; he didn't understand what the problem was.....he & the male therapist spent time processing that. wm accepted what he was told with no argument.

    Hence my reluctance to share much here - to preserve some privacy for my children.

    There is another meeting between kt & wm on Monday morning; we are having a few extra meetings this month between the 2 of them because of the planned holiday dinner (you know - that family event with 3 therapists in attendance).

    Suffice it to say, even with that level of visits this month, we are proceeding with extreme caution & forethought. If the adoption/attachment/trauma specialist feels this is too much for wm or for kt we will back down quickly.

    And....my heart breaks just a bit more, while at the same time becomes more determined for my children. The anger I felt toward the bio parents has melted because it's too much effort; takes away from kt & wm's needs.
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I understand the need for careful progression and from your description, it does sound warranted. It also sounds cautiously optimistic so far.

    Here's hoping things continue positively and the dinner goes off OK.

  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    It sounds like it was a pretty good visit. Progress for kids as damaged as yours is measured in inches. All considered, it sounds like that visit was many many feet.

    Let's hope the Christmas visit is as successful.

  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am glad they had some time together. But, really the part that I am most impressed with is wm accepting what the therapist said and not arguing it. I understand his anger since he just does not 'get' what kt is all about and how their past affects her differently than him.

    You have to admit it is progress. They have to learn bits and pieces as they grow in order for them to have a relationship as adults.

    HUGS for you as I am sure that was difficult for you to hear about.
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad overall it was a good first meeting. It sounds like you have a good plan in place to get ready for the holiday dinner. Many gentle hugs to you.
  6. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Linda - every moment your kids can spend together is such a huge step forward. And your son is just blowing me away! He's really made some amazing progress.

    It is heartbreaking that a relationship that we all take for granted is so difficult for them, due to no fault of their own really. I hope that progress continues without any major setbacks.

    Hugs to you and the tweedles!
  7. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    Thanks for the update. I've got my fingers crossed that things continue to go well, and that kt and wm are able to enjoy the holiday dinner together...

    Your inner strength, determination, and wisdom never cease to amaze me. I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers that this holiday season will leave you all with happy memories of the time you are able to share together...WFEN
  8. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Wow! It is so good that they were able to do this visit. Sounds like the team in place is wonderful(which I am sure has taken you a lot to happen). This is a good step closer to what they will need.

    I am so happy for you.

  9. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I, too, felt a surge of pride for wm. And he snuck in a gift...how sweet is that?! I hope you're able to help kt get over the guilt of not having one for him.

    It reminded me of a year with my brother. My dad was abusive to him and not to me; Adam could do no right and I could do no wrong. So, of course our relationship - if you could call it that - has been severely strained. Still is. He won't speak to me. But one year, about 7 years ago, he sent me an email on my birthday. Just said Happy Birthday. That was by far the best present I've ever gotten.

    Here's to more positive visits. :angel:
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Sounds like the visit was an overall success.

    I'm proud of wm. He's got a long way to go still, so does kt, but it appears he is making some progress forward. I take it as a very good sign.

    I'm most impressed that he accepted what he was told without arguement.

    Baby steps.


  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Of all people, I knew the parents here would know, feel & understand the growth in the tweedles & the fear in my heart over these next visits.

    It's been a wonder to watch, wm especially, exhibit many of her hard earned, newly learned skills.

    Monday morning - 10:00 a.m. next visit. Again, neither husband or I are a part of these first meetings. This is all about kt, wm, boundaries, expectations, etc, etc, etc.

    And I have confidence in the tdocs on this team; they've worked up to & have started this part of the therapy with lots of research, many meetings & quite a few shaky knees.

    Again thank you.
  12. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Finger crossed for tomorrow!
  13. Penta

    Penta New Member

    Small steps lead to bigger ones. You must be a happy and proud Mom!
  14. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    This tugs at my heartstrings in every direction.

    I do not know the Tweedles' past, but it breaks my heart that it was so bad that this is necessary. Yet I am so happy that there is progress being made. And the more I see and read about what happens in your family, the more I can't believe what a strong woman you are. You are truly an inspiration.

    I am so hoping that the holiday dinner happens.
  15. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Thanks ladies - wm has indeed made a great deal of progress. I've been hesitant to share much; you all know that board jinx.

    After kt's incident at respite this past weekend (police were called in - kt was threatening) we may have to back off on this quickly & nix the holiday dinner.

    I expect that attachment therapist will take kt aside & start working with her separately to get some kind of idea before that happens.

    kt did accept responsibility for her actions this weekend; apologized to the respite staff, the other kids there & to the police officers called out to deal with her.

    I don't know why the idea of my daughter being restrained by the police makes me cringe so much more than the same for wm. I guess I expect boys/men can "defend" themselves or something sexist like that.


    I'll have an idea after today's therapy/visit as to what is going on. kt called her in home therapist when she got home today to talk & "process this cra%, mom". Fine with me - therapist actually picked up her phone & spent a half hour talking with kt.


    So - what's sibling rivalry really all about? What's it like to have a easy child? Do PCs actually exist or is it some cruel joke to torture us warrior mums :warrior: with on a daily basis? :crazy2: :smile:
  16. lynnp

    lynnp New Member

    I don't know. I never seem to meet or hear about easy child's unless my difficult child is being extra horrible. The contrast is just too much to bear so I try hard to ignore it. It appears that, if you didn't need to expend so much energy on your own family, you would make a pretty amazing therapist/lecturer/advocate for and about difficult child families. We're lucky that you're on this board. Best wishes to the tweedles and you as you forge ahead.
  17. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Well I hope today went well... I am in awe by all of this. Those children, how they continue to just survive.

    I have so much hope for your family, Linda.